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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Reading porn, finding vibrator- help me respond the right way!

44 replies

iwantareindeer · 16/11/2022 10:11

Trying not to lose my mind...went into dds room just now, she is almost 13. I found a vibrator in her bed drawer and then decided to take a look at her laptop history...she's reading porn on Wattpad- anyone know much about this site?

The vibrator I can get over but the porn and god she is 12. How do I react in the right way. Currently somewhere between wanting to cry, scream my head off and feel a bit sad.

OP posts:
InBlue · 16/11/2022 10:15

I think the right response is no response. How mortifying for her if you spoke to her about this. Imagine the loss of trust when she finds out that you’d been snooping. It’s normal and healthy for teenagers to develop a sexuality so why would you need to talk to her????

Wattpadd is a site for like, rude/romancey fan fiction. It’s not porn. If I were you I would thank your lucky stars she isn’t watching porn and leave her alone.

Unprecedentedunprepared · 16/11/2022 10:16

The vibrator you can get over 🙄 ma'am the vibratory us the worst bit reading a but of porn is harmless

Squiblet · 16/11/2022 10:16

Oddly enough I had a similar thing this week - found DS (12 but nearly 13) had been reading smutty stuff on Wattpad.

It's not ideal but do consider that: a) it's perfectly normal for kids to be interested in sex at that age, and b) I'd much rather they were reading sexy fanfic on a writing site than watching porn videos or even looking at pictures.

If you kick her off Wattpad, she may be motivated to go and look in even more unsavoury places.

underneaththeash · 16/11/2022 10:16

Yes, say nothing!

you need a contraception chat at some point.

catchthedog · 16/11/2022 10:19

dont say anything at all. i would never have got over the embarrassment and it would have changed my relationship with my parents forever if they had done this

inkworks273 · 16/11/2022 10:20

Don't say anything to her. She's not doing anything wrong and she would be mortified if she knew you knew.

If you don't want to change your relationship with her then leave it.

TheVeryHungryTortoise · 16/11/2022 10:20

I can understand the worry, because she has always been your little girl, but it is perfectly healthy and normal for her to be exploring her sexuality at this age. I was aware of porn and sex around this age. Of course, many young people are also not yet exploring at this age and that is normal too. In fact lots of written pornography is more female orientated and I think it's fantastic that your DD has found this rather than some awful derogatory video. Watching/reading porn and starting to try out masturbation does not mean that she will be having sex. She is just figuring out her likes and dislikes in a safe way.

Could you have a discussion about what she already knows about sex, relationships and sexual health? It's also never too early to teach her about consent and the value of her enjoyment in sex.

Original poster
iwantareindeer · 16/11/2022 10:25

Thank you! Some really great points. Totally agree don't want to embarrass her for exploring her body and yes at least it seems to be written than worse than that. Was just a bit of a shock!

OP posts:
ShesaWitch · 16/11/2022 10:26

Where could she have got the vibrator from she's only 13?! I'd be worried someone gave it to her.

WolvesOfTheCalla · 16/11/2022 10:28

I wouldn’t react at all. Reading smutty stories and masturbating is entirely normal.

Frankly I feel that there should be far more emphasis on women enjoying than sex than there is, and it’s fairly obvious that exploring what you enjoy before you become sexually active is the best way to achieve that.

Theres also a big leap from that to having sex!

ThatWriterInTheCorner · 16/11/2022 10:33

She's growing up and exploring her sexuality. Being interested in sex is normal. Masturbating is normal. Wattpad is the home of adorably gawky romances and fanfictions, and most of the work on there is written by teens, for teens. (Also, despite said gawkiness, they're often surprisingly switched-on about issues of consent, which is pretty much the opposite of most visual porn.) Put her vibrator back where you found it and don't say anything, and be glad she's found Wattpad rather then Pornhub :-)

Timeforabiscuit · 16/11/2022 10:35

I'd be curious as to how she managed to source a vibrator (and hope to god it isn't second hand passed on by a friend), at least she is using something fit for purpose but worth opening up a conversation of if she is having a problem who she can talk to about it in confidence if not you. But leave her choice in reading material to her if it's low bar soft porn.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 16/11/2022 10:38

I wish Wattpad had been around when I was 13. It was trying to find the sexy bits in James Bond novels and looking up dirty words in the school dictionary in 1967.

ShesaWitch · 16/11/2022 10:39

Yes I'd rather erotic fiction than imagery and videos. It's normal to masturbate just concerned where she got the vibrator and if it's clean.

Squiblet · 16/11/2022 10:39

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 16/11/2022 10:38

I wish Wattpad had been around when I was 13. It was trying to find the sexy bits in James Bond novels and looking up dirty words in the school dictionary in 1967.

Judy Blume's Deenie, Flowers in the Attic and dressing the Barbies as 'working girls' for me!

pinkpotatoez · 16/11/2022 10:42

Slightly weird your conceded more about fantasy wattpad stories than the fact she's managed to buy a sex toy at 12. Or someone else has given it to her which is even more worrying (STIs)

pinkpotatoez · 16/11/2022 10:42

Concerned *

Original poster
iwantareindeer · 16/11/2022 10:43

I know she's been in town shopping with a friend, suspect it was bought then maybe. Agree on reading rather than watching, freeze framing dirty dancing and Judy Blume were my source!

OP posts:
Chrispackhamspoodle · 16/11/2022 10:44

My DD is 13 and I would be concerned about the vibrator.
How did she get it?Did someone older give it to her?My DD wouldn't know where to get one /be too embaressed to try and buy one.Does no one else find this concerning?
Masturbating completely normal but using and owning sex toys at 12 isn't

pinkpotatoez · 16/11/2022 10:44

iwantareindeer · 16/11/2022 10:43

I know she's been in town shopping with a friend, suspect it was bought then maybe. Agree on reading rather than watching, freeze framing dirty dancing and Judy Blume were my source!

They don't/shouldn't sell sex toys to 12 year olds. Sex stores are 18+ and stores containing sex toys have a bit sectioned off which is 18+. You need to ask her where she's got this from

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 16/11/2022 10:45

iwantareindeer · 16/11/2022 10:43

I know she's been in town shopping with a friend, suspect it was bought then maybe. Agree on reading rather than watching, freeze framing dirty dancing and Judy Blume were my source!

Some mates and I found a magazine of pictures of naked couples 'having sex' thrown into the bushes and it got passed around and very dog-eared 😆

Winceybincey · 16/11/2022 10:46

iwantareindeer · 16/11/2022 10:43

I know she's been in town shopping with a friend, suspect it was bought then maybe. Agree on reading rather than watching, freeze framing dirty dancing and Judy Blume were my source!

Does you daughter look older than she is? I just can’t imagine a 12 year old confidently walking into Ann summers and being served a rampant rabbit like it’s an everyday thing. I don’t know if there’s age restrictions on them but my mind is already a bit blown at that.

she’ll naturally be exploring her body and reading sexual stories isn’t anything out of the ordinary at this age. I’d just hope it doesn’t progress to videos.

I wouldn’t mention the stories but i would ask where she got the vibrator from.

Puppers · 16/11/2022 10:47

I wouldn't address this directly with her. She hasn't done anything wrong and the absolute last thing you want to do is make her feel ashamed of her sexuality.

I would - without referencing what you've discovered - take the opportunity to ensure you are fulfilling your parental responsibility to keep her safe online. At 12, you need to be in control of what she can and can't access online. The concern that she might access pornography or other types of extreme material should be irrelevant because she shouldn't have unsupervised access to the internet with no safeguards in place. Do you have filters? RE the vibrator, it's much safer for her to use this than to improvise with an unsuitable object. Again though, I'd be considering how she actually got hold of the vibrator and how she was able to access something like that. Adult websites? Is she just freely ordering things online?

OtterOnToast · 16/11/2022 10:50

Some of these replies are bonkers

This is a 12 year old. Ignore it? Don't be mad

If this is even real that is ....

Original poster
iwantareindeer · 16/11/2022 10:51

Oh god. Just checked in the back of my wardrobe...it's mine!! Had forgotten about it!!! Do I just bin it and say nothing?

OP posts: