Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Feel like I'm loosing touch with my boy.

32 replies

mumsoutnumbered · 04/11/2022 22:07

Does any other Mums feel like they are loosing touch with their children?

DS is 15, we have always shared such a beautiful close bond, but I've found since he has started his final year of secondary school he has drifted from me. DH says I'm too much of a helicopter parent but he never does anything with the boys anyway.

Just feel like I'm loosing my boy, feel like he'd rather go and play video games with his friends than sit and watch Strictly with his Mum like he used to.

OP posts:
Hellocatshome · 04/11/2022 22:10

I also have a 15 year old DS and would say this is perfectly normal and you are lucky he got to 15 before you started feeling this way.

Dacadactyl · 04/11/2022 22:15

It's the next stage of his life OP. If he wasn't growing apart from you somewhat at this age, it wouldn't be normal. Trust your parenting of him and make sure he knows you're still there for him.

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 04/11/2022 22:21

Ime the lure of a take away and a film prob not quite to your taste can tempt them to the lounge for an hour or 2...
Or a breakfast in a cheap cafe works wonders! At 28 my ds still likes a cheeky fry up in one!

fruitpastille · 04/11/2022 22:22

I have literally just asked my teen DS if he will watch strictly with me tomorrow as it's my birthday and he looked exasperated and said "But I hate Strictly!" before putting his headphones back on. Luckily I have a 7 year old who is obsessed with it and I'm really appreciating it as I know it won't last. It is a normal part of growing up for them to become independent and have their own interests.

fruitpastille · 04/11/2022 22:22

Ask him to watch Cobra Kai with you instead 😁

Quitelikeacatslife · 04/11/2022 22:36

It is the natural way of things and tugs at your heart but try and find some common ground and don't let him check out if family life completely. Give him bit if space but have some nights a week when you have tea together or watch a tv programme or sat he can have phone on whilst he sits with you whilst strictly is on. It's about finding the path through the next stage x

tigerbear · 04/11/2022 22:39

Wow OP, as a previous PP said, you’re really lucky he reached 15 before this kicked in!
my DD is only 11, and I’ve seen a HUGE change in her wanting to hang out with friends instead of us, since she began at secondary school. 😔

Undecidedandtorn · 04/11/2022 22:40

Is there something he would like to watch that you could get into? Me and my 15 year old are watching Harly Quinn on prime at the moment

justasking111 · 04/11/2022 22:42

All of mine did this. He'll come back to you when he's wrestled his way through these difficult years

QueenOfHiraeth · 04/11/2022 22:44

Someone told me that it is normal for teenage boys to pull away from their mothers (in animal terms they are ready to mate and need to avoid inbreeding) but, as they become older and build their own relationships they naturally come back
That was my experience with DS but now, as an adult, our relationship is close again

Junegirl15 · 04/11/2022 22:52

My DS is 13 and has been like that for at least a year now. We try to have one night a week as family film night which he seems to still enjoy, and we occasionally manage to get him to join us for lunch out. Otherwise he is gaming and online with friends….thankfully he has kept up with one sport so does see friends in real life as well which I think is important.

ImHavingAnOldFriendForDinner · 04/11/2022 22:55

Totally get this, my son is 14 and I'm really struggling with feeling like I've "lost" him. We were always so close but now I just feel like an annoyance or embarrassing, Hopi g he will come back like a few other posters have said. It's bloody hard!

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 04/11/2022 22:57

He'll be back. My 18 and 16 year old love nothing more than watching TV with me and taking the piss out of all of it

Msgrieves · 04/11/2022 23:00

Tbf there is not one person on earth I would watch strictly for. Same with my 16 yo boy, could not be less interested as it should be. Its hard but let him be.

validnumber · 04/11/2022 23:09

Have dinner or breakfast together at the table with no phones so you can still touch base.
Also if he is happy to receive a kiss on the head or hug then remember not to stop that. If they are ok with it they are never too old.

lilyfire · 04/11/2022 23:13

At 15 my eldest DS didn’t want to do much with me. Now he’s 19 he’s much more up for doing things like going to the fireworks, panto or cinema with us and is more up for chatting and hanging out.

Remmy123 · 06/11/2022 08:25

stop asking him to watch strictly and watch breaking bad together instead!

i hate strictly 🤣

CantSleepCountingSheep · 06/11/2022 08:32

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 04/11/2022 22:21

Ime the lure of a take away and a film prob not quite to your taste can tempt them to the lounge for an hour or 2...
Or a breakfast in a cheap cafe works wonders! At 28 my ds still likes a cheeky fry up in one!

This 💛

Bumpsadaisie · 06/11/2022 08:53

My Dd is 13 and she doesn't seem to look forward to seeing me much anymore. She's in her own world. Every now and again though she comes up says "mummy!" And gives me a hug. I think I just need to wait and trust that although she may wander away she will come back.

Luckily I still have DS (11) who is very affectionate and vocal about how he loves me and is very pleased to see me and even to have me read him a bedtime story.

Dreading the day when he looks at me like I crawled out from under a rock!

Luredbyapomegranate · 06/11/2022 08:57

It’s pretty amazing this has only kicked in at 15. Teens have to separate from their parents to become adults - it’s a natural process, he’ll come back.

In the meantime, as a pp said something like brunch out at the weekend might go down well. I find teens are v happy to spend time with you if they are getting something they couldn’t get with their mates.

Stickortwister · 06/11/2022 09:10

This happens. Dont take it personally. I've 4 boys aged 8 to 18 and so have a child at all different stages.
8 year old- still cuddly and affectionate and actively wants to spend time with me.
12 year old- will snuggle on sofa occasionally but on his terms only. Will watch tv or a family film.
15 year old- very occasional hug. Very little chance of watching tv together and if we do it's on seperate sofas.
18 year old. Away at uni. When at home will spend time with us but it's like having another grown up in the house. Hes good company but relationship is more equal ( which is nice but very different!) Does hug me but more like a "friend" hug than a prolonged snuggle with 8 year old.

I'd recommend finding other ways to connect. Food or a coffee works really well for us. Fry ups as above work really well. Or lifts in car/ transport to their hobbies. My 15 year old likes going to do food shop with me. He gets to chose snacks and we chat as we go round. Dog walking works with 12 year old.

Uxa · 06/11/2022 09:13

It's sad, but the natural course of events I'm afraid. It would probably be more worrying if he was glues to your side 24/7at that age. I'm trying to find new hobbies away from home to distract.

MojoJojo71 · 06/11/2022 09:15

He’s growing up, it’s normal. You’d be more worried if a 15 year old wanted to spend all his time at home and never spent time with friends. Let him have his space but know you are there when he needs you and he’ll come back to you. I went through a few years with my DS where I barely saw him but he came back. He’s in his twenties bus and we are just as close as we were when he was younger. In fact I spent 3 hours on the phone to him just last night.

MojoJojo71 · 06/11/2022 09:16

*in his twenties now (not sure where the bus came from!)

Scrambledeggsontoasted · 06/11/2022 09:19

Do you play video games with him?

Maybe do something he enjoys together?