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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

14 year old drinking to calm noises in his head

51 replies

Elfingeordiebird · 16/10/2022 20:23

I could do with some advice.

This afternoon we had a call from our 14 year old asking to be picked up because he was drunk. We collected him and he was in a state. After cleaning him up I’ve sat with him and established that this is not the first time.

He has been complaining for a while about how busy and noisy his head is. This has stopped him getting to sleep as he can’t switch off. Tonight between tears he said that drinking is the only way to calm his brain and that he hates his head any would do anything to make the noises stop. This was hard to hear and I had no idea it was this big of a problem.

He said me he wanted to tell me about the drinking but was scared of being in trouble, I asked what he was scared of as the worst that would happen is being grounded, losing phone etc be said me stopping him seeing his friends that’s his biggest fear.

I intend to call the dr tomorrow but my question is what to do about him seeing his friends. He has some nice ones but the ones he seems to drink with are a bit more rough around the edges, I would prefer he didn’t see them of course but I don’t know if I should ground him, stop him seeing them or just for now concentrate on helping his head get sorted?

OP posts:
Summersend · 16/10/2022 20:25

Concentrate on the help. This is a full on cry for help.

CoQ10 · 16/10/2022 20:27

Ger him professional medical help ASAP.

excelledyourself · 16/10/2022 20:29

I've no advice, but I wanted to wish you luck. Be proud that he has been able to talk to you. That's a big deal.

I'd start with that actually. Tell him how proud you are that he has spoken up, and that for now, he continues to see his friends as long as you can be sure he keeps talking to you.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

crossstitchingnana · 16/10/2022 20:29

Some people do hear voices, not necessarily a sign of something problematic. He needs to find a way to manage it. Acceptance can be the first step.

VerifiedBot2351 · 16/10/2022 20:31

im glad he felt he could tell you. Has he got a lot going on at the moment?

notnowmonster · 16/10/2022 20:31

Get him seen by a psychiatrist as soon as possible, if the nhs can't do it and you can afford to see someone privately do that.
It's fantastic that he feels able to confide in you , don't ignore his cry for help.
In the meantime try to help him find other ways to cope - exercise, hot showers, comedy films bit don't wait

lannistunut · 16/10/2022 20:32

Get him professional medical help ASAP but also offer to be with him so that he is not alone trying to get to sleep.

Teach him everything about relaxation, exercise, diet, meditation - help him learn how to soothe rather than mask.

Most important is to spend time with him, you could teach him card games, or knitting, or watch relaxing/funny films together so the noises recede just a little. But he does need the doctor.

Original poster
Elfingeordiebird · 16/10/2022 20:33

Thank you, I have approached it in this way saying I’m not cross and I will help him and thank you for calling us and being honest. But my god it’s hard to listen to him so miserable.

OP posts:
VerifiedBot2351 · 16/10/2022 20:33

I think I know what he means. It’s not voices as such, but noise and busyness. Stress can cause it, and it can also be an autistic thing, or adhd.

Original poster
Elfingeordiebird · 16/10/2022 20:33

Nothing in particular aside from being 14! 🙁

OP posts:
Original poster
Elfingeordiebird · 16/10/2022 20:35

Yes exactly this. He said it’s like being in a noisy shopping centre with lots of people taking but you can’t make out what is said but it’s very noisy and he can’t concentrate on one thing. He said alcohol makes some of the noise disappear.

OP posts:
LeMoo · 16/10/2022 20:36

Does he mean noises as in auditory hallucinations or the noise of a mind that is overstressed and cannot switch off?

It's an important distinction to make. When mh is bad and people suffer from depression/anxiety - especially if they're easily overestimated by their environment- the mind can feel very noisy, like an incessant 'chatter' that just won't stop.

Either way, you're doing the right thing to focus on looking after him and not punishment. Good luck with the docs x

2bazookas · 16/10/2022 20:36

Is he hearing noises (tinnitus)

or intrusive voices talking

LeMoo · 16/10/2022 20:36

VerifiedBot2351 · 16/10/2022 20:33

I think I know what he means. It’s not voices as such, but noise and busyness. Stress can cause it, and it can also be an autistic thing, or adhd.

Cross posting but yes this is exactly what I was getting at

Runningintolife · 16/10/2022 20:39

If hearing voices, it is most likely extremely high stress - but could you tactfully find out if he has been smoking weed or anything else?
Alternatively noise might mean anxious thoughts. Any hyperactivity or impulsively (ADHD type symptoms?).
This is a great chance for you to step in and help, including setting boundaries (as he is young) and increasing family contact and time spent together - it will revolutionise him. Definitely go to the GP but don't wait for professionals - I am one - establish a great home routine, help him sleep, eat well, relax, do things together, exercise (don't focus on talking), get him in contact with helpful friends, mentors or other family members.

Original poster
Elfingeordiebird · 16/10/2022 20:40

2bazookas · 16/10/2022 20:36

Is he hearing noises (tinnitus)

or intrusive voices talking

He said it’s sometimes noisy talking sounds but no clarity to hear, he frequently gets ear worms from a song going over and over in his head which is another thing to go with the noises. He said by Friday he is so exhausted he just wants to sleep.

OP posts:
JennieTheZebra · 16/10/2022 20:44

Student MH nurse here. Honestly, I would try and get him a referral to an Early Intervention in Psychosis team through your GP. The sort of experiences he’s reporting do very much sound like first episode psychosis and the use of alcohol he’s describing is very much in line with that. EIP teams are very good; they work with young people at risk of psychosis so that these unusual experiences don’t end up spiralling. I don’t suppose you know if he’s been using cannabis?

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 16/10/2022 20:49

As an experienced mental health nurse this sounds like the early signs of psychosis- hearing indistinguishable noises or voices - and lots of teens/adults self medicate to cope.

Please don't focus on the friends situation but get him early help asap and demand a MH referral as early intervention is shown to be a huge indicator of prognosis.

Please dont be fobbed off by your GP.

Thinking of you Flowers

Original poster
Elfingeordiebird · 16/10/2022 20:50

Runningintolife · 16/10/2022 20:39

If hearing voices, it is most likely extremely high stress - but could you tactfully find out if he has been smoking weed or anything else?
Alternatively noise might mean anxious thoughts. Any hyperactivity or impulsively (ADHD type symptoms?).
This is a great chance for you to step in and help, including setting boundaries (as he is young) and increasing family contact and time spent together - it will revolutionise him. Definitely go to the GP but don't wait for professionals - I am one - establish a great home routine, help him sleep, eat well, relax, do things together, exercise (don't focus on talking), get him in contact with helpful friends, mentors or other family members.

I did ask and he said no. It appears he’s tried vaping too but that didn’t help much.

He has struggled with impulsive decisions and concentrating on anything. He can’t focus very well.

He attends explorer scouts once a week and has a little job in the
local shop. He also goes to the gym a few times a week. But when there is nothing like this going on he nothing to distract from the busyness of his brain .

OP posts:
userlotsanumbers · 16/10/2022 20:52

My sister is like this, but we only realised why she drank far too late. Now a chronic alcoholic, it will kill her soon. Get him seen by MH professionals, sooner rather than later.

HyggeandTea · 16/10/2022 20:55

Well done on having this conversation with him and being a great mum. Yes, heart-breaking but you are absolutely doing the right thing. Make sure he knows that you are there for him, you love him very much and he does not have to go through this alone.
Make him a cup of tea and a snack, and sit and watch a film or something together. Sounds like it has been a hard day. x

VerifiedBot2351 · 16/10/2022 20:57

Please reassure him that he will be ok.

VerifiedBot2351 · 16/10/2022 20:58

I think it could be worth looking at enlisting the help of a psychiatrist. We did that, and it turned out our child has adhd. He was a year older than your son when he was diagnosed.

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 16/10/2022 21:02

@Runningintolife even if you are a qualified MH professional that is a very bold and false statement to make - perceptual disturbances are almost always multi factorial and not down to any one single factor.

Certain things might make voices /auditory perceptual disturbances worse - but stress in and of itself is very unlikely to caused it.

Please be very careful in what you say and advise .

LeMoo · 16/10/2022 21:08

VerifiedBot2351 · 16/10/2022 20:58

I think it could be worth looking at enlisting the help of a psychiatrist. We did that, and it turned out our child has adhd. He was a year older than your son when he was diagnosed.

Indeed. Adhd could well be a contributing factor but he absolutely needs to be seen by a highly qualified professional quickly so that any underlying issues can be properly assessed and diagnosed - we can only speculate, which isn't helpful.

If you can afford private, op, then go for it. If not, push gp hard for referral / intervention and don't take no for an answer.

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