Hi, please could you share views on a situation I find myself in where my DH and I are poles apart in our views.
My usually well behaved DD has started college this year and 6 weeks in was doing well and has passed all her initial assessments. However we have had a call from the college today saying she has been involved in an incident. Another pupil took DD’s phone which she’d left on the table in front of her, and made a call to someone DD used to know and left an inappropriate message. DD apparently grabbed the phone back when she heard what was being said, but a voicemail had been left. The recipients parents, quite rightly weren’t happy and contacted college.
Whilst the person making the call has taken full responsibility and told college DD wasn’t part of it, college view is she condoned it as it was on her phone.
Anyway, I’ve had a discussion with DD talking about what serious consequences a seemingly innocent initial action can have and how she needs to be more thoughtful in what she does. I’ve also asked her to write to the principal apologising for her part and advising what she has learnt from the situation.
DD is mortified this has happened, we’ve had tears and I believe she has learnt a lesson.
DH believes in what I class as punishment but he thinks is discipline, and has banned her from all activities she has planned over the coming weekends - one in particular that she has had booked in for a long time and saved up herself to do and will still have to pay for.
He thinks I’m too soft and don’t discipline and I think he is too harsh and that instead of learning what she can from the situation she will only remember how mean we are as parents taking this opportunity away.
Im sure there is a compromise somewhere here but DH has dug his heels in and won’t budge.
Any thoughts on what the best way to discipline is?