When should a 17 year old start paying their own way??

[Dusky21]

My daughter is 17 and in her second year at college.
She started a part time job (minimum wage) in the summer and bring in between £300 and £400 a month
She is classed as in full time education but only does 2.5 days a week. She does work on the 3 days she's not at college or evening depending what shifts she's been given.

I'm feeling guilty for thinking she should now be starting to pay her own way with things like clothes, toiletries etc.
We give her £15 a week toward her bus and dinner money while at college and pay her for her mobile phone. We don't charge her any bored at the moment, we said once she's working full time she will have to.
She asked for some new winter clothes the other day and I did offer to go halves, today's she has asked for a new coat and I've said she need to start buying these things herself which didn't go down well. AIBU??

Once a child has completely finished in education, whatever their age, they should get a job and help pay towards food and bills. You might let them off if saving hard.

She's in education and working?

I can't imagine being 17 and paying board or buying necessities (which includes some clothing). You choose to have kids, you are responsible for them until they are at least 18.

Child 16 and in first year of college. I pay £15 week lunch. £8 month phone SIM. £50 month spending money. I pay for activities like karate, cricket training and crab maga. I pay for all travel in and out to college, books for study, clothing, sports kits. He does not have as part time job as goes to college 3 full days and 2 half days each week. Works 1 half day on assignments from home. He also competed in sports at high level so has training 4 times a week plus completing in summer Saturdays and Sundays. Plenty of time to get a job after he is 18. I want him to focus really hard at college and get the very best grades he can get. He also gets PIP and has that in a separate account which he can spend on things he needs, but not waste the money.

University students are adults and not really comparable to 16 and 17 year olds.

if we are to compare adult children

1. perfectly reasonable to charge an adult child living with you, and working an amount towards the cost of their board (and I've never seen a MN post where this is remotely close to market rate.
2. I agree it's bizarre that parents give adult children money at university, but this bizarreness has been caused by the way that higher education is funded, as it factors in and assumes parental payments to cover maintenance. So not really down to individual parents.

I’d still buy essential for my child whilst in full time education. But extras like clothes that she wants rather than needs I think she should pay for them. As long as she’s saving some of it I wouldn’t be too worried about still providing for her as she’s under 18

DD16 works 12-15 hours a week. I pay for basic toiletries, she pays for things like nice perfume and make up. I drive her around if I'm free, if not she pays for the bus. I make her a packed lunch, she pays for her own coffees etc. I pay for phone usage as we've always brought phones outright and had sim only, she knows her next new phone will be brought by her. I've brought her books for college, she buys all her own clothes.
I think they should pay their own way, but not pay rent etc. This is their home.

I don’t expect a child in full time education to pay their way. However I do expect them to pay for their social life.

Id say on £400 a month she could buy her own clotges....your doing food, travel,phon3 etc. So basically she has to buty nothing else so has £70 to £100 a week pure spending on socialising...when in your life have you ever had that much just for fun?

I'm feeling guilty for thinking she should now be starting to pay her own way with things like clothes, toiletries etc

I think she should be buying her own clothes and toiletries with that income. What is she spending the money on? Or is she saving for university?

In your shoes I would still be paying for her phone, lunches and bus fares to college, but optional extras should come out of your daughter's wages.

As a teenager I had a Saturday job and used my wages to buy my own clothes. My mum obviously paid for my school uniform, and she used to save up child benefit and give it to me for shoe money.

I’m reading this, as a mother to a 17 year old ds and thinking that no way do I expect him to be paying for very much apart from things like meals out with his friends, tickets to sporting events. Slightly different in that he is still doing A Levels and doesn’t have a part time job. He’s a really good kid and doesn’t ask for much at all.
I’ve also buying him a car and paying for the insurance.
Frankly, I expect to support him fully all through university, so this thread is an eye opener.
Am I a total mug?

There’s lots of different opinions on this, but mine is that I charge nothing and cover everything so long as they are in full time education. All the way to graduation from Uni with their bachelors. The way I do this is via a monthly allowance and then discuss any extra expenses, like a coat or athletic association fees.

Any money they earn from a PT job is theirs to keep. However, because I taught them financial literacy from a young age every single one of them has not blown their money. They have all saved it for post graduate study or saved it as a move to new city or abroad for first career job/deposit on flat after graduation fund or started a LISA towards first home/retirement or a bit of all of the above. They do usually set aside a couple hundred £ a year to treat themselves which I encourage so it’s not 100% saved, more like 95% saved.

I also don't think there is anything wrong with shopping at Primark, the way tends come in and out of fashion it's a cheaper way of keeping up with the Jones's!
I don’t want to derail the thread, but no matter how skint we get, we refuse to shop at Primark and other fast fashion shops either brick and mortar or online (ie SHEIN) with unrealistically low prices because it’s blatantly obvious the only way they can sell clothes that cheap and stay in business is if they are buying slave made items.
“Keeping up with the Jones’s” is less important imho than shopping ethically. We buy around 95% of our clothes from charity shops as we are not at all well off and it’s a way to get jeans for £5 without supporting a business that is brazenly using slave labour. Everything I am wearing today is from a charity shop except my knickers, socks and sports bra.

I don't think you're a mug, but why wouldn't you encourage your DS to get a part time job as well (at least at university) so you're not solely responsible for him?
As well as him having some of his own money, he'll learn some useful workplace skills.

It's interesting how this varies. Of my DC's peers (they are 16 and 18) there was practically nobody who didn't have a part time job from at least the start of sixth form so it was totally normal for them. They both actively went out and found jobs unprompted. But we do live in a place where retail and hospitality are crying out for people, so there's plenty of options. Clearly it must be harder if you live rurally or there's no jobs available for teens.

Clearly it must be harder if you live rurally or there's no jobs available for teens.

Yes, we live in a place where there are no buses at all on Sundays, none after 6pm and they have now cut one of the bus services on a Saturday too. The only way teens can feasibly get a p/t job is if they have a parent willing to drive them.

@WilsonMilson No you are not a mug but this is MN.
I did exactly as you say. Gave them an allowance and expected nothing from them other than to work hard at A levels. I paid for driving lessons, I supported them through uni, bought them a car on graduation.
They both had lettle jobs at sixth form, a couple of hours a week which I had to ferry them to because we live in the back of beyond. I didn't reduce my financial input because they earned a few pounds. Mostly they saved it.

However, because I taught them financial literacy from a young age every single one of them has not blown their money. They have all saved it for post graduate study or saved it as a move to new city or abroad for first career job/deposit on flat after graduation fund or started a LISA towards first home/retirement or a bit of all of the above.

Ditto. Teaching financial awareness is as crucial as teaching them to tie shoelaces and so few parents do it.
Mine are in their 20s now in good careers and both very financially savvy without me taking money from them as teenagers.

However, because I taught them financial literacy from a young age every single one of them has not blown their money.

Whilst I agree that it's important to teach our children financial literacy, there is a degree of luck in whether your children will choose to learn the lessons.

I have one spender and one splurger. Both got the same "lessons".

I meant one "SAVER" and one splurger of course ... personality plays a part too!

Dd1 17 nearly 18 works one day a week and is doing full time A levels at sixth form.

she is lucky that she is paid very well for her one day and takes home around £600 a month, more in the holidays.

i pay for essential clothes, toiletries hair cuts, shoes if needed, her hobbies etc. She buys the clothes she wants (she wants far more than I would deem necessary). She also funds her own social life entirely and pays for her own petrol. We brought her car and paid the tax and first years insurance. We also pay for her mobile contract.

she has enough left over from what she earns to save towards a buffer for uni. I feel they should be funding some stuff if they can afford to, but not everything at this age and certainly no rent unless actually working full time.

I was in your daughters situation and I didn't pay any rent but I bought all my own clothes and paid my phone bill. I paid for everything that wasn't essential. My mum paid for food and did most of my washing. I got £5 per week pocket money ( I think just to keep things fair with younger siblings!) I helped out around the house with cleaning and sometimes babysat younger siblings. I got no money for food at sixth form or transport, I either made packed lunch or bought food with my money and I walked everywhere or occasionally got lifts with frirnds. I would ask for clothing for my birthday or Christmas but my mum wouldn't buy anything for me otherwise.

I think you're in a transition phase.

Maybe: I'll give you the first £xxx towards the coat, if you want something nicer then upgrade

My dd is 16yo and earning a similar amount, I'll buy her essentials and would count a coat as essential if she's without one.

Dd is expected to buy her own make up, any clothing extras, gifts for friends/family and anything she wants rather than needs.

I would not be impressed if she was vaping or wasting money on that tbh.