When should a 17 year old start paying their own way??

[Dusky21]

My daughter is 17 and in her second year at college.
She started a part time job (minimum wage) in the summer and bring in between £300 and £400 a month
She is classed as in full time education but only does 2.5 days a week. She does work on the 3 days she's not at college or evening depending what shifts she's been given.

I'm feeling guilty for thinking she should now be starting to pay her own way with things like clothes, toiletries etc.
We give her £15 a week toward her bus and dinner money while at college and pay her for her mobile phone. We don't charge her any bored at the moment, we said once she's working full time she will have to.
She asked for some new winter clothes the other day and I did offer to go halves, today's she has asked for a new coat and I've said she need to start buying these things herself which didn't go down well. AIBU??

My dd is the same age. I pay for her bus pass £50 a month, and college lunch money £50 as well as £50 a month pocket money. I also pay for her phone. She has a part time job and earns £200 a month. She buys all her social activities, friends birthday presents etc. I buy her clothes as and when she needs them, but she buys most of them now. Make up etc I will buy her bits if we are out together and she says she needs some, otherwise she buys them.

Thank you everyone for your responses and those that understand were I was coming from.
I was by no means making out I wanted her to fend for herself just start paying her own way for her own things. Everything that I buy for the household stays the same, food normal toiletries etc if she need essential clothing we will buy and if we feel we can contribute to others as an when we will.
Not everyone is in the position to afford to lavish thier children with designer "stuff" I don't even buy it myself. I also don't think there is anything wrong with shopping at Primark, the way tends come in and out of fashion it's a cheaper way of keeping up with the Jones's!
Thank you all again 😊

My son is 17 and has a weekend job that pays him about £600 p/m. We no longer pay him pocket money.

He is at 6th form and still wears school uniform so I obviously pay for that.

I buy him essential non designer items only and he knows that if he wants designer he pays for it himself. He is learning though - he bought a designer sweatshirt for £180 and then realised that it wasn't good value for money ( we pointed out that the quality wasn't great and he had really just paid for the branding splashed across the front ) so he sent it back for a refund.

We pay for his phone contract - haven't thought yet about when we will stop that.

I give him £20 a week to buy lunch for school ( he buys a meal deal in the supermarket as it's cheaper than using the school canteen)

He has just bought a car and has paid for the learner driver insurance himself and knows that the on going costs once he has passed his test will be his to manage.

We are paying for his driving lessons as a birthday gift.

I buy/provide basics, he can earn/save up for extras he wants.

My DDs bought their own clothes (except school clothes) when they started working at 16. They had plenty of disposable income and were able to save too.

DD1 started a full time job at 19 and started paying us a token amount each month.
DD2 is at university so we contribute a significant amount.
We will have the same rule for DS we will support you through education but you contribute when working full time.

DS16 is in 6th form. I've said I will buy essentials, clothes wise, but stuff he just wants is down to him (he earns about £120 a month). He wanted some specific clothes the other day off vinted, so I gave him £20 towards them as I had planned to buy him some t-shirts anyway. I bought him a waterproof coat, but he bought his fashion jacket.

I think you pay for all the necessities including a set amount for clothes each winter and summer and then if she wants anything on top of that she can purchase it. I always paid for my mobile phone when I was working part time, as the plans were never expensive. In terms of board, unless you really needed the money I would put it into a savings account for her once she is working full time. Don’t let her know though, it will be a nice surprise!

i believe it is my job to support my child financially while she is in full-time education. Even if classes only meet on certain days, there is course work outside of that time. I wouldn’t want her working to cover essentials. Her main job is her education. A part-time job is ideally just for extras or for saving up to have extra pocket money during university.

You buy needs; she buys wants.

I struggle with what to pay out for.
DS is 17 and earns about £400 pm

Per month we pay
£100 train to college
£100 food for college
£35 phone contract
£35 leaner car insurance
Says he's now run out of money and expects us to continue funding his driving lessons at £35 an hour!!

What has he spent £400 on???

Out of the £400, I'd ask him to pay his phone contract and any "fun" food spends. So, with us, DS got provided food for a packed lunch etc, but if he wanted to shun the ham baguette from home in order to buy the same an exciting ham baguette from the college canteen, that was on him. Or if he took his lunch in and wanted to buy coffee and cookies, again, on him

When she’s both age 18 and also in full time work. Until then, you pay.

I wouldn't expect her to be paying you anything towards board and I'd still allow her to help herself to the family stash of toothpaste and soap. However, I would expect her to buy all her own clothes, make-up, special toiletries, going out costs. I'd probably pay for her college bus and lunch, but I would understand people who wouldn't. £400 per month is probably roughly what a Uni student has left over after rent eg if they get the full loan, or if parents top it up, and most parents would expect them to feed themselves as well as pay all personal costs out of that.

During sixth form I gave my kids just £50-75 a month "pocket money". The difference was because one had school uniform which I bought and the other didn't. They had weekend jobs, but earned less than half the amount yours earn. We paid for phones, train to school, school lunch. Basic toiletries. I made sure they started off sixth form with a decent set of basic clothes. But they bought further clothes, make-up, going out costs. We paid for driving lessons as a birthday present.

I was going to say it depends whether you need the money.
However the fact that she isn't saving anything is a concern. She needs to learn how to manage money. Can you sit down and negotiate?
If she agrees to save 50% of her earnings you agree to continue paying for a her phone etc?

It is my job as a parent to feed, clothe and ensure my child can be educated. I paid for lunches at college, bus fayres, books and equipment, basic phone contract and essential clothes/toiletries. I expected my teens to pay towards their social life, food out by choice, make up and non essential clothes
That's how DH and I feel about our DC and when the time comes I'm happy to give an allowance for them to manage their own spending on non-essentials.

Also to add that I never bought my DC clothes from age 14. What I did was calculate what a year's worth of clothes cost and divide by 12 to give as an allowance. The exception was big coats which I still bought once a year.

I think you cant ask for board and should be funding her basic necessities until she's 18 and out of full time education. She might "only" be doing 2.5 days but that might be the same if she was in sixth form just the lessons are spread out more. I only had 2-4 lessons per day when doing g my a levels but we were still expected to remain in school -at least she's being productive by working when she's not in college.
Shes probably doing (or at least is expected to) reading/coursework outside those hours too.

Doesn't mean you have to go mad on luxuries -e.g. you'll buy basic brand toiletries but if she wants expensive bands she needs to pay for them. If she needs a winter coat you'll put thirty quid or whatever the minimum is to get a basic one in primark, tescos or new look, if she wants something nicer she needs to pay for it.

When mine were that age and chose to work, we continued to buy them what they needed and they would obviously buy things they fancied having - as indeed was the case prior to that, with pocket money.
Obviously make up, fake tan, and a coat she doesn't need would all have come under the 'fancied having' rather than 'need'.
That is one of the important things you learn from working ....'If I take that extra shift this weekend, then I will be able to afford X next week' ......or ..... 'I like X, but I don't like it enough to want to work an extra 16 hours this month in order to earn the money for it'.

If she was saving for uni or driving lessons I might feel differently but that's a pretty big budget for just wasting.

I'd be expecting her to buy most of her own clothes and toiletries beyond basic soap, shampoo etc.

I might offset that with a savings account for her which I would keep secret until she's learned the value of money a bit better.

Spending your own money is an important life lesson and when you know how many hours you had to work for something your views on the value it represents soon change.

The habits she learns now are likely to have long term impacts so it's not about being 'mean' but equipping her with life skills

We pay for basics/essentials and DD gets a £50 a month allowance.
We did notice that when she and her friends got to 16 and all got jobs, their expectations went up. Before they might have been happy with a drink from a pound shop or McDonalds, but once they had some money it was coffee shops and more expensive restaurants. I think it's fine to say to a teen if they want to socialise like this they should fund it themselves.

My 17 yr old works 10 hrs a week, around £240 a month.
We pay for essentials. They chose to go to a sixth form tha needs rail travel so they pay for that, any social travel, going out etc. We dont pay pocket money. We do pay for their phone, but they wanted a higher package so they transfer the difference for that.

I'm not sure anyone has said 16 year olds should pay rent and feed themselves.

We could afford designer clothing, toiletries etc, but we don't see buying these as a good use of money (we don't buy them for ourselves either) so if the teens want them they can use their own money. We would buy basics (which are not necessarily Primark although the DC are quite happy with Primark!).

My DC were both very keen to get jobs when they turned 16, so they had their own money and could do more things. It was not something we insisted on! DS (now turned 18) spent most of it on summer activities (including going to Ibiza with his friends). We openly said we wouldn't fund that and expected him to do it himself. I think there is a balance between expecting teens to fund basics (which I've never known anyone do unless they give their teens a suitably sized allowance to cover them) and not being prepared to fund everything they want.

My DD works 7 hours a week btw which is about average for her peers - so it's hardly detracting from her education, and she would absolutely not be spending 7 hours more a week studying if she did not have a job.

I'm not sure anyone has said 16 year olds should pay rent and feed themselves
I think the poster is alluding to the sheer number of comments on a range of MN threads where posters claim it's totally reasonable to take 20-30-50% of your college aged child's wage in board, even when it's not a case of the household needing the money.
There's also the bizarre norm where posters will happily give one child an allowance whilst at university until they're 21, whilst claiming their 16/17/18 year old child should be handing over a chunk of apprentice money to the parents because money doesn't grow on trees, if they had to live independently then they'd not have the benefit of Virgin/Sky/internet/Netflix, it's for their own good that I take money from my child whilst subsidising their sibling doing something I approve of

You still get child benefit etc op?