I have taken the smartphone away!!!!!!!!

[lisaJN1986]

And my gobby nasty vicious 13 year old DD hates me for it! I am SICK TO DEATH of her disrespect and rudeness. Plus constant getting into trouble at school with all her teachers who are having to tolerate equally rude backchat and disruption from her. Tonight kicking off upstairs, slamming doors and throwing things down the stairs calling me all sorts of horrible names because she has 'nothing decent to wear' despite having a wardrobe bursting at the seams and its all my fault apparently...
I have warned her over and over again about her behaviour, the only thing that bothers her anymore is losing her damn iPhone so I have removed the SIM and put it into a Nokia from about 15 years ago.

She is distraught. Hopefully this will teach her to respect me, my home and stop biting the hand that feeds her!!!

On every thread about bad behaviour in teens, the OP is told to remove their phone and give them a brick. On every single thread.

Now an OP has done it, and look at the responses.

This place is fucking nuts. Ignore them @lisaJN1986. You've done the right thing.

Not true, plenty of parents know it’s inadvisable. You not knowing that doesn’t change anything.

Can’t believe some of the responses. There is always moaning on MB about rude and entitled teens. Now a parent has made a consequence! I didn’t think for a second to behave like this as a teen and don’t understand why we tolerate it. It id chucked my stuff downstairs my life wouldn’t have been worth living and my mum would have put the stuff straight in the bin. Jeez.

I agree taking the phone had to be done in this instance but going forward I would consider a clothing allowance rather than you buying what you think.

We did this for DD around the same age. She would rather have 1 pair of expensive jeans than 3 cheaper ones so that was her choice. It also meant that she took care of her clothes and washed a lot herself. She has a Hollister jumper that she still wears 5 years later.

Probably better not to buy clothes she doesn't want though. She can see the difference, and the "stupid" tick matters to her. Something from George doesn't cut it as an adequate alternative - do don't get her anything. Tell her she needs to save up her pocket money, and when she's nearly there you'll add the equivalent of what you'd have spent at Asda.

Then her wardrobe won't be stuffed to the gunnels with things she doesn't like, and she has to work out how to afford things.

In the meantime, what conditions have you set out for her to earn the return of the phone?

Confiscation is only the beginning of the story

When my now 19 year old was about 14, I did a similar thing to this. A few months ago we were talking about it, and unprompted he thanked me for doing it, and for rescuing him (his words) from the behaviour he couldn't control because of what he was experiencing online.

And that reminds me of a quote (don't know who originally said it) "Hearing the word 'no' rescues children from the tyranny of their own desires "

When I rule the world it will be illegal for a child to own a smartphone before they are 16. And you will need to be 18 to be on social media.

Social media is to blame for about 95% of the problems teenagers have these days.

Children are conditioned into having mental health issues, they all self diagnose on social media, and wallow in each other’s mutual misery, and before you know it we have a generation of children who feel the trauma of not being pandered to by their parents.

Of course there are genuinely children out there with MH difficulties, just before someone decides to suggest I am not considering that. But it’s the expected Norm for children to have MH issues now, and that’s a trend brought about by social media, and the expectations on there.

Good morning everyone

I have been in to see DD and she has never had such a tidy bedroom! She has sorted through all her drawers and even polished her desk. It seems having no smartphone has turned her into a productive young lady. She even greeted me with niceties as I walked in.

She's probably creeping for the phone back but I'm happy with this for now 😉

Agree with the other posters who say living in a shouty yelling environment sets them on edge. I will not live like this and my poor neighbours should not be expected to either.

We have a 14 & 11 year old. From the start there has been no phones upstairs.
Also no tv in rooms.

Kids had phones early as there were problems at dads and he would bring them home shouting and swearing at them during contact. The aim was to have the kids call before it was a crisis.

The 11 year old is allowed an hour a day on her phone the 14 year old 1hr 30 mins plus homework.

It seems to work well if they don't get it right then phones are more limited.

However I tried this tactic with the eldest and it never worked! I would take the route to work and he would find a way round it. That's why we have the rules for the younger ones!

Also we pay the bill and we need to have their password to check phones.
We both work in child protection and see how many kids have overshared or are being groomed.

I have done this when my daughter was under 15. She's 21now. I used to let her access a child profile on my tablet so she could watch netflix 😆 while grounded.
But later on I let her keep her phone as I really needed to know where she was and she needed to contact me. For those saying give her a brick, my dd wouldn't have used it. She would rather have had no phone at all.

If and when you give it back you can put time limits on the phone which is what I’ve done with my older teenagers. Adults find it difficult to moderate screen time yet we expect kids to self moderate.