Providing alcohol for DD to take to house party -WWYD?

[NanFlanders]

16 year old DD has just started sixth form after nearly a year off with complications related to anorexia nervosa. She is loving it and doing well - and is obviously keen to re-establish friendships and have normal teen life. She has been invited to a house party this weekend - which I am delighted about. However, she wants me to provide her with alcohol (vodka!) to take, as 'literally everyone else' apparently is taking vodka 🙄 and she doesn't want to be left out. I'm not naive enough to think teens won't have a drink at a party, but I don't think I should be facilitating drinking of spirits - especially as she isn't used to alcohol and is still quite a low weight. I'm thinking of sending her with 2 bottles of alcopops as a reasonable amount to drink over the course of an evening. WWYD?

I should add, she will be taken to and from the party by a friend's parent, and there won't be any boys there.

You are right. We should not be encouraging spirits at the age. A bottle of vodka could kill her if she's underweight.

We have a teenage party here this weekend. I've said they can bring beer and I've no doubt that there will be alcopops, but if I find out any of them have brought vodka there will be hell to pay, and no more parties.

We have been known to help them fake it. You can make a punch using a small amount of cheap rum which smells really strong but is only about 3 or 4% alcohol.

Not a chance I'd be sending her with vodka (from experience of being a 16 year old at a house party glugging vodka, it never ends well!! 🤢). A big bottle of Smirnoff ice would be better.

I’d probably send her with either alchopops or a few ciders. Not vodka she could be really sick with it

So tricky OP! Fwiw we are happy to give our DS 17 cider and beer and wine and are always available if he needs picking up (or any of his friends do) due to excess. I think you are right that you have an additional complication of low weight as another thing we insist on is a good dinner before he goes even if he insists there will be food there. Good luck , it’s a fun time for them and a complete change in the dynamics of parenting for you.

Jeez, do kids ask their parents these days - whatever happened to illicitly buying 20/20 from the dodgy corner shop?

It'd be a hard no from me. If the others are "all" taking vodka there'll be loads to go round. She can take lemonade and coke as mixers (!!)

Ah to be 16 again, this brings back memories. If you don't buy it for her, I guarantee she'll find another way to get some. Better to teach her about being safe?

Explain the max she should be having per hour, encourage her to eat before going out and having soft drinks in between, and general tips like keeping an eye on your drink/don't leave it lying around.

Tell her it's a test of trust and if she's responsible then you will do it again in the future (or some other incentive).

No absolutely not.

And this line that “if you don’t give her it she’ll find it somewhere else” is just a cop out for people not to bother parenting their teenagers.

There is a middle ground between no alcohol and hard spirits, I would let her take a couple of ciders or beers, but absolutely not vodka.

When my DS had a party here for his 16th `I said they could bring beers but absolutely no spirits. No sensible parent would let 16 year olds have spirits at their house.

No to the vodka, do they still do Smirnoff ice?

No to vodka .
Hopefully the party person's parents will be policing alcohol. I would allow cider or beer and have a hard talk.

Thanks all. Sounds like a consensus! Will hea

Posted too soon! Will get a bottle of Smirnoff Ice - thanks everyone!

Bloody hell. I did not know you could still get Smirnoff Ice.

Do NOT provide your 16 year old with a bottle of vodka. Why would it enter your head to do this?

Smirnoff Ice is a good compromise

Another hell no to the vodka. Definitely have a chat with her about pacing herself if there is vodka there though. I don't think they realise quite how shit faced they can get on it, especially if they start chucking back shots.

If everyone else is taking vodka send her with all the mixers!

@Johnnysgirl Smirnoff Ice (4.5% proof) - not Smirnoff vodka (90% proof) 🙂

Haha, one of those “don’t worry, there won’t be any boys there” teenage parties 😂

I figured they would probably drink something so felt preparation was the best plan. Do not rely on the host's parents to police.

At this age they have no idea of the effects of alcohol. I explained to mine how different people are affected - some become aggressive, morose, sleepy, vomiting etc. Also the dangers of spiking when they go to bars.
I let them take a fruit cider or beer whichever they preferred. On the grounds that they probably couldn't drink copius amounts. Never spirits which can be necked too quickly before the effects are felt.
It worked reasonably well, neither DC got drunk until well past 18 though they told me horror stories about friends.

Vodka is so strong! I was drinking it neat at 16, but me and my friend used to get older lads to go in asda and buy it for us, my parents would never provide it, but we still always found a way! This was 20 years ago! I would send smirnoff ice or some of those mixer cans? At least she is being honest with you, I used to hide stuff from my mum.

Smirnoff ice is vodka?

obv diluted vodka but it’s probably what she meant when she asked for it.

If literally everybody else is taking vodka then there will be plenty to go around. She needs educating about alcohol strength.

Is the party saturday night? If so could you let her try a vodka and coke or two under supervision at home tonight? It will help her understand how strong it is and if she wakes up feeling a little rough tomorrow she might not go crazy on it.

Lol. Fair point!

Are alcopops still cool haven't seen them in pubs for years. If it vodka she after what about some of the premixed cans you can get in the supermarket so you have control of how much vodka she has not the entire bottle.

Those saying it's a cop out saying they won't get it from anywhere else. We have a fully stocked bar, I will have to keep an eye on when DS is older. We don't drink frequently but have parties so we have at least a bottle of most different spirits and multiple different types of rum and gin. I can honestly say if DS was tactful on what he took ie not my Brokmans or DH rum we wouldn't notice for months. I defiantly don't count the larger cans in the garage so imagine they could go aswell. Considering how trendy bars are now I can imagine a number of teens will have the same access.