Providing alcohol for DD to take to house party -WWYD?

[NanFlanders]

16 year old DD has just started sixth form after nearly a year off with complications related to anorexia nervosa. She is loving it and doing well - and is obviously keen to re-establish friendships and have normal teen life. She has been invited to a house party this weekend - which I am delighted about. However, she wants me to provide her with alcohol (vodka!) to take, as 'literally everyone else' apparently is taking vodka 🙄 and she doesn't want to be left out. I'm not naive enough to think teens won't have a drink at a party, but I don't think I should be facilitating drinking of spirits - especially as she isn't used to alcohol and is still quite a low weight. I'm thinking of sending her with 2 bottles of alcopops as a reasonable amount to drink over the course of an evening. WWYD?

We are in almost exactly the same situation. Our agreed compromise has been a double Bacardi or vodka (measured properly with a jigger) in a small bottle of chilled Coke Zero. That's her allowance for the entire (mixed) party or gathering in the park or whatever she and friends are up to (two of whom don't drink at all). She's taken a couple of alcopops out before but finds them too sweet and they make her more thirsty. Neat spirits, nope. (I was downing Diamond White at her age...) As far as I can tell she's been sensible about this so far, and she definitely knows not to accept drinks from others, which is more of a concern for me.

Mine were allowed cider, beer or those pre mixed cans.

It's absolutely not what she meant.
She meant actual vodka. Teens have been drinking proper vodka instead of alcopops for at least the past decade.

Def no to spirits. We used to buy dd the box of 10 VKs (alcopop) from Tesco. Apparently they were super popular with everyone.

Hi! I had anorexia age 16, I remember the smallest amount of alcohol made me insanely drunk (assuming that's because my body weight was so low), I got myself in some horrific states at that age during my recovery from drinking too much.

The issue is- if you don't get it I'm sure she'll find some (older friend, friend with older sibling) to get some. So I think you need to find a fair compromise that isn't '2 ciders'. Maybe a bottle of low strength rosé or something similar?

I used to get ready mixed cocktails for mine, the weak ones

Is this for real?

God I really fancy a Smirnoff Ice now.

That’s what mine get

A number of DS's friends drink spirits while at parties (including vodka and even whisky) which I find shocking. It never ends well for them but they still do it nearly every time so I don't think she is exaggerating when she says her friends are drinking it.

Slightly separate note, which might not be necessary -it sounds like she's doing really well which is great! But I heard recently that hypnosis can be a really good way of helping with eating disorders. (I was sceptical about hypnosis until I tried it for a phobia which was having a huge effect on my life. It was incredible and made a massive difference to me.)

@BruceWaynettaSlob yup joys of teenagers, we are half way through converting our garage into a hang out so we know where he is once he gets to that age

Smirnoff Ice is a good compromise.

I'd do some damage control too. Some milk thistle and rehydration sachets too. Pack some nibbles too. Make sure she has money for a taxi. And a portable charger.

Stick to cider/alcopops or at most a couple of those premixed cans of cocktails/weak g&t. She’s under 18 and also underweight, she shouldn’t be drinking spirits.

She meant actual vodka. Teens have been drinking proper vodka instead of alcopops for at least the past decade.

of course! I was drinking shots of vodka out of a bottle cap on the way to a fair 20 years ago…. But I wasn’t asking my mother to buy it! 😮

you buy her 2 Smirnoff ice and she gets the vodka for after from Steve in her form (although these days he’s probably got a new name 🤣)

I agree with those saying pre mixed cans of cocktails- they are sweet and hard to drink too many of!

I send my dd to parties with pre mixed cocktails in cans.
I've refused to provide a whole bottle of spirits.
A lot here are very shocked that a bottle of vodka is requested but this does seem to be the done thing, bizarrely. Eg one of dds friends arrived with a bottle of vodka, and her parents (and they are genuinely careful, sensible parents) were of the view that this bottle would be shared out between everyone.

Bottles of slcohol free beer.

Don't let her stay over; pre-arrange a time at which you will discreetly collect her from the party. Your daughter may be sensible and sober(ish) but a lot of those kids will be off their faces .

By discreetly collect, I mean you will be parked in designated spot at 12 am (or whatever) and if Cinderella doesn't turn up dead on time you or DH will come to the door and loudly announce yourselves as her parent. Probably in your pyjamas.

Trust me, BTDT, she might moan but she will be secretly terribly grateful for the cast iron excuse and escape get-out.

Also don't forget "soakage" as DS22 caĺls it. A big stodgy meal before a party.