You sound entirely out of your depth .
There is so my you can do to improve your situation.
Get a parenting teens book, read it, re-read it, try the strategies.
Get some counselling for yourself, the counsellor can support you to find ways to manage.
Your son is not a bad person. He is a young teenager trying to cope with massive hormonal changes, pressures at school and home, and undoubtedly low self esteem.
Your dislike for him is as clear as day and he will be painfully aware that his own family would prefer him gone. That is a tough place to be for anyone, never mind a child.
You need to back right off and try to understand that in children, all behaviour is communication. He does not yet have the confidence, experience or insight to sit you down and say, “Hey Dad, I am extremely unhappy as it is patently obvious my own family dislikes me. I need to be loved unconditionally, especially when I’m behaving badly because that is my way of showing how unhappy I feel.”
You are the adult here and if you step up you can guide your son to become a confident, compassionate and good person who enjoys good relationships.
I would urge you to hold your tongue before saying anything to him except Good morning/how are you/ and anything else civil. No criticisms.
Praise him for every single thing he does right or we’ll - great game, you’re really talented. You know, you’re really good at getting yourself organised for school and sports/hey that too suits you, looking good!/thinking of getting takeaway and it’s your turn to choose tonight, have a think about what you’d like.
He needs to hear positive messaging constantly.
As it is, he knows that you react to negative behaviour so he is doing what he knows will get your attention.
In a few years he will be gone and you can have your spotless kitchen. None of that material stuff really matters though, what matters is that your family feels safe and loved and can go out into the world knowing that home will always be a place they are welcomed.