13year old son is nightmare to live with.

[paul71]

Hi mumsnet; a dad here.

just wanted to ask opinions about my 13 nearly 14 year son. Who currently I’m counting the days until he’s old enough to leave home.
Everyday it just seems like an argument starts every time we speak to him and he’s constantly give lip whenever we ask him to do something or tell him off if he makes a mess.
he has some OCD issues that seems to evolve cooking. Which is the only part he seems pleasant about apart from making a mess of the new white kitchen we bought, mistake that was. But just a sandwich will evolve 5 ingredients and he just helps himself to everything.
last week we ordered a curry as both enjoy them but he said I don’t want any. So I got some with my other son. A couple of portions was left over and left in the fridge overnight. My teenage son then decides he will help himself to it at 11am the next day. Leaving a tiny bit for everyone else . And when I mentioned there wasn’t any left , he just flew into a
strop and said there’s plenty left for you in there.
he doesn’t get on with his younger brother, who is a sweetheart in comparison.
we are going out tomorrow the 3 of us but he doesn’t want to go with his older brother and I don’t particularly want my 13 year old aswell because he’s just literally a pain in the backside to be around.

he’s very sporty and is good at football but has always been very self critical. He’s had fights on the pitch and even if he doesn’t score but plays well he’s almost in tears at the end of the game. I don’t even push him to play I just say enjoy it but he treats things so seriously.

I’ve really got to the point I just can’t stand him. I don’t think I can handle a few more teenage years of this. Are they all like this ?
really considering getting some counciling

before it gets worse.
any suggestions,

thanks

Jeez poor kid he really doesn’t sound any worse than most other angst ridden young teens. Maybe he’s picked up on the fact his dad thinks he’s an arsehole and counting down the days til he moves out 🤔

You don't know the full story, so maybe you should stop being a twat. I asked other options. sorry ill come back when he does the drugs ,etc.
thanks for nothing.

edit:
ok maybe I should have written an essay about the daily activities that have gone on for the last 5 years not just teenage and yes i don't have any experience of teenagers but looks like its a linch mob on here.

so thanks all for nothing. will post elsewhere for some help.

You don't know the full story, so maybe you should stop being a twat. I asked other options. sorry ill come back when he does the drugs ,etc. thanks for nothing.

Did you expect us all to coo over you and mop your fevered brow? So sorry you don't like the answers you're getting.

so thanks all for nothing. will post elsewhere for some help.

You'll probably get the same answer wherever you go.

ParsleyPesto

Excellent post. OP, do read this..it has helped me and I have an 8yo who's acting like a tween! Thanks ParsleyPesto

If you want advice post the full story.

But we all know there isn't anything else. No one posts citing a handful of very very minor misdemeanours when there's full on felonies happening as well.

So. It's you OP. You're the problem. You can tell me and everyone else to fuck off. But that won't help you, and most importantly it won't help your kid. Or his brother. Up to you now.

He does sound normal. Sorry OP

Your local County Council will run parenting courses for parents of teens. You will probably benefit from it.

Google your "Early Help [County Council]" and self refer.

I think you, as a parent, need counselling. You are clearly over reacting to perfectly normal teenage behaviour. The poor kid can probably tell you don't like him. Get to the root of your anger and fix yourself before you seriously screw your son up.

I’m so glad if it helped, parenting can be hard going 🙈

OP I understand why you feel defensive. Posters have picked up on your dislike for your child and feel very concerned for him. Being disliked by your family is a recipe for an extremely unhappy life.

There is no mystery to your boy’s behaviour, he is doing what teenagers do and although it’s painful to be around, it’s necessary so that the split, the move from dependency to independence, can happen. He needs to be able to disagree because that’s part of him working out who he is.

What you have to do is stop fighting with him. You have to let this stuff go and focus on the bigger picture, that this is a very small part of his and your lives. Don’t go to your deathbed estranged from your son because he was a bit of a dick when he was a teenager. Die knowing you were the best dad, partner, brother, friend you could have been.

Usually if you give a detailed account of what the perspectives are then people can give a better informed comment, otherwise if you only give x information then only x information will be commented upon ?

Harsh responses… you must all be amazing parents!!

when you have a difficult teenager it can be difficult and destroy your family..

Don’t judge others…

I guess I read your post differently than people who replied here (just wow- “parent the f*ck up”?? Good lord could you be more heartless.)

because I grew up with an abusive older brother.
sometimes it’s difficult to explain so others will understand , how someone who behaves like this can shatter a whole family’s peace.

we eventually all had to cut contact with him, as he got infinitely worse as he got older.

if your son is in any way abusive, yes counseling might be a way to go forward, just to find out what your options are.

I know it's been a while but have things improved any?

I agree with others that your son seems like a pretty normal teenager to me, and I think it’s important you realise this or you are going to be in for shock when your younger son starts acting in a similar way. I do however think you have glossed over the OCD a bit though and wonder if your son may have perfectionist tendencies which would tie in with him so competitive and self critical on the football pitch. If I’m right the last thing he needs is you comparing him to his ‘perfect’ brother. He needs to be shown that he is valued and loved, even if he does make a mess in the kitchen and eat more than his fair share of curry. Where is his mother in all this?