Anyone else dreading their child leaving home for Uni?

[Funkyslippers]

DD1 is off to Uni 150 miles away next month. After she got her fantastic A level results it's all starting to feel very real. I've got this knot in my stomach. I don't know how I'm going to be when the time comes. We're very close and do a lot of stuff together. Less so in the past week as she told me last night she's now seeing a boy she met last week! So she's been spending time with him (she didn't want to tell me right away, I thought she was doing extra hours at work!). I mean how selfish can you get 🤣🤣🤣

Anyone else feeling like this? Would you like to message me privately so we can see each other through it? I'd really appreciate it

Thank you

Sending hugs @Funkyslippers I’m in a similar position. My dd2 didn’t want to go to Uni and was looking at apprenticeships because she thought she’d messed up her BTEC. She found out on results day that her first choice Uni has still offered her a place even though she didn’t meet their offer and she’s now decided to go to a Uni 100 miles away.

We’re really close and I’m really going to miss her company. I don’t work Fridays and we will often go and shop and do girlie things. I have been through it with my older dd, who is now living back at home. It felt different last time because dd1 went to a Uni close to home and I still saw her quite frequently. Dd2 is so immature in lots of ways and very pampered at home. She has asked to transfer her retail job to her Uni city and we will help all we can, but money will be tight as her student loan doesn't even cover her rent.

She’d so excited and after the experience her age group went through with covid, I just want her to create lovely memories and have fun. Not sure what words of wisdom I can impart to you, as I’ve also got a very large knot in my stomach!

Me too!

It's been the two of us on our own for almost 19 years and I feel really selfish that I feel this way, but I'm really going to miss her when she goes.

I'm also so, so worried that she won't make any friends, that she'll struggle, that she'll be unhappy and I won't be there to try and help.

But, I know that she needs to do this, she needs to get the education as well as grow into an adult, she's really independent and I don't worry on a practical level, I know she'll eat and have clean clothes etc, but it's the social side I worry about more.

And part of me is looking forward to a quiet, clean and tidy house with lower bills and my stuff not being borrowed and lost in the bedroom all the time 🤣.

So many emotions and feelings going on!

It's ok they come back and move back in aged 22 and drive you nuts! Telling you how to make coffee and Japanese dumplings!

😂😂

I was surprised at how ok it all felt for me. I think it was because my kids were really excited about their universities and courses. I was so excited for them. I didn't feel sad at all but it did feel strange.
I know it's difficult but this is their time and I think you've got to make sure it's all about them even if you have a secret cry or two 😅

My DHs mother sobbed and sobbed when he left for Uni. I'm sure she couldn't help it but I'd have hated that if she were my Mum.

Thank you for the replies so far. It kind of hit me today as she went off to see this boy but didn't want me to tell her dad, or anyone else. It's her first ever boyfriend and I just realised how much she's growing up and making decisions without needing my input. So I was a bit upset about that but couldn't tell anyone why. She's always been my little girl (even though she's taller than me!) but she's a real woman now! I will do my absolute best not to cry infront of her, as it's not about me and I really am super proud of her. I also have to remember that I have a DD2 even though she's a right grumpy teen most of the time

Please anyone feel free to dm me anytime

Don’t worry about making friendships @Maverickess They were my concerns too for my dd1 when she went to Uni. She had been through some issues with girls at school and didn’t find it easy making friends. She was lucky with her housemates and volunteered on the Uni newspaper. She definitely had a few wobbles over the first couple of weeks, but soon found her crowd. Dd2 has found some of her flat mates through the Uni accommodation app and has been chatting online. Are there social media groups set up for her course/ Uni accommodation so she can talk to some people before she goes?

Me! It's been just me and DS for 10 years, we are really close. I am not sure how I will cope but won't say a word!

Thank you, she always had a close circle of friends but didn't really develop any new friends through college as so much of it was from home because of covid.
She's looked at a few groups but I think she lacks the confidence to dive in because she doesn't know anyone.
She got her first boyfriend about 6 months ago who she met on a night out so she's not a total recluse and will I'm sure, find some friends. She has a bit of a hang up that they'll all be 'posh' and she'll be left out because she's from a single mum household and we don't have a lot of money, even though I've said there'll definitely be people like her there too - it's why low income families qualify for maintenance loans etc and she's not going to stand out.

I haven't and wouldn't say anything, though I've had some secret cries but I do encourage and guide when she starts to get worried, she had a major wobble at the start of the exams and said she wasn't going at all , but that was exam nerves I think.

I’m dreading my DD going, I started a thread the other night about it because I couldn’t sleep then got myself into a state.

We’ve spent a lot of time together over the last couple of years and I enjoy her company. I’m going to miss her so very much but she needs to be able to find her own feet in the world and be independent. I think that without Covid then I may have felt differently and been used to her being out of the house more. The way things have been have really dented their late teenage years.

I was dreading it, when DD went to Uni. DS had spent a lot of time upstairs, but DD had always spent time with us.

But we actually got used to it and in the end quite liked our new routines.

I'm dreading it but I'd never tell dd. 😫

I’m so very emotional about my ds going. He only accepted his offer (at a uni at the other end of the country from us😩) this afternoon and up until then I really thought he’d stay at home!
I’m dreading it and honestly don’t know how I’ll cope when we have to drop him off. I’d never let him know how I’m feeling but I’m on the verge of tears all the time.
So you aren’t alone op

You do get used to it. I was ok on the day, despite filling up in several occasions leading up to moving in day. DH was worse!

She has now just finished her degree but is staying in her uni town …. not sure I should have added that!!

I'm also not going on the day because her dad is taking her, I'm not sure if that's going to make it easier or harder tbh 😥

I struggled last year when DS1 went, now Ds2 is going I actually feel ok.

I have learned how short the terms are for one, Ds1 has very short terms so feels like he is hardly gone before he is back.

Also, we got a cat when DS1 left which really filled a gap😻

I am grateful DS2 isn’t going to far away but am looking forward to a quiet house for a little while.

Both my dc will be within 2 hours drive, traffic dependent which is lovely. DS2’s first choice was UCL and second choice Durham so I am very relieved it’s not Durham.

I'm a veteran of this. They go away and you miss them like mad and your cry and then they come back and drive you crazy because they know everything 🤣🤣🤣

What @dribblewibble said!! Counting the weeks until ds goes back and I cried buckets when he started at uni 2 years ago!

Yup @mumonthehill I can't wait to get rid of all her crap and get my house back 🤣🤣🤣

I do love her and I will miss her but I've got used to her not being here.

I'm excited for my DS, he's excited and so full of the joys about the next adventure. I want him to go have a brilliant time, it's the right time for him, a great uni and a perfect course for him.
All that, and yet I still have a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat at the thought of him leaving. I've started a box of stuff for his room/kitchen and a list of stuff to buy before he goes mid September; it's sitting there reminding me of what's about to happen.
I won't let him know how I'm feeling, I'll save my wailing for when he's gone, have a good cry then move on.

Me too. My first one goes on 3rd Sept and his first term is 15 weeks! He's nervous and so am I. We aren't remotely ready, have nothing sorted for his halls and as he's my first I am totally unsure what we are doing!
He's a big personality and he will leave a big hole. He's also very lovely and affectionate and i don't get that from the other two!
DS 2 will be going next year and frankly that can't come soon enough!!!!

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-11132011/Meet-mother-went-university-son.html

you could be like this mum

DD2 goes next month for her first year and DD1 goes back for her final year. I'm not dreading it but will probably find it very hard without them both. DD2 has changed her firm choice to her insurance choice uni so it's been quite stressful here for the last couple of days. We're glad she's sorted now although I can't get much as she's not heard about accommodation yet.

Thank you to those who have been in our shoes for your reassuring words on previous posts.

I'm a first time Uni mum. Never went to uni either so I have nothing to relate to with regards how it all works.

DS is really excited and today we went and did a huge shop for a load of stuff off his list (including a doorstop and large pack of condoms!)

Eldest also moved out earlier this year too so I have some idea of how quickly I did adjust to his absence but I still feel bereft at the thought of my youngest leaving home at the tender age of 18.

I remind myself that one of my everlasting regrets was that I never went to uni and experienced living the uni lifestyle so I definitely don't want to hold him back.

He's my most perceptive and sensitive child so he'll know I'm upset inside anyway which doesn't help me when I'm trying to be bright and breezy pretending all is fine!!!!

@Lottsbiffandsmudge

DD is my first (and only) to go so I share the not knowing what to expect thing, and feeling your way, though my Dsis has been a great help as she went not so long ago and I also work with both parents and students that have been through it and have given tips and advice, it's still daunting though!
I got teary when something I ordered for her came earlier than expected and at the same time was telling myself not to be so ridiculous! She totally deserves this, has worked so hard for this opportunity, because of various factors it was never a given until that email came from uni but it was like 'shiiiittt' at the same time too 🤣.

At least I'll have the dog to keep me company though - and all you guys on here going through the same or been through it and offering support and wisdom! Hope I can come back in 3 years and do the same for others.