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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Anyone else dreading their child leaving home for Uni?

45 replies

Funkyslippers · 22/08/2022 16:54

DD1 is off to Uni 150 miles away next month. After she got her fantastic A level results it's all starting to feel very real. I've got this knot in my stomach. I don't know how I'm going to be when the time comes. We're very close and do a lot of stuff together. Less so in the past week as she told me last night she's now seeing a boy she met last week! So she's been spending time with him (she didn't want to tell me right away, I thought she was doing extra hours at work!). I mean how selfish can you get 🤣🤣🤣

Anyone else feeling like this? Would you like to message me privately so we can see each other through it? I'd really appreciate it

Thank you

OP posts:

Lilactimes · 27/08/2022 21:29

single mum of an only DD - will miss her so much. She and i have got very close the past 2 years and are more like flat mates. She is also much less social than she was when she was younger and I really worry about her making friends and settling in. She had a cry today about the thought of going, her excitement seems to be fading as her nerves take over. I think i will be ok as long as she’s happy and settles a bit x

Lottsbiffandsmudge · 27/08/2022 22:28

It's so tough for them. My DS has been held back socially by the lockdowns. Just when he should have been spreading his wings he didn't. And he is a home body naturally and so never really left his comfort zone. Once he was released he'd lost all interest on parties etc. He isn't a drinker either. He has a GF and they are inseperable which also isn't helping....he is very nervous about leaving.
He goes next Sat (doing an Art Foundation so term starts v early) and has induction days from Weds which he'll have to commute to. Luckily that's doable by train for 3 days

Spent a small fortune on stuff for him to take today and did a budget with gim.
It all seems v real now...

TheWayoftheLeaf · 27/08/2022 23:01

It it helps... when I went to uni 100mi away it brought me much closer to my mum and sister. I called mum in the morning on my way to lectures (when I wasn't hungover) and sister on my way to work in the Eve almost every day.

Distance, independence, responsibility and a whole new world made me appreciate them more and grow up a bit and live my mum for everything she did.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 27/08/2022 23:01

And I was at uni 2013-17 so not that long ago!

TheWayoftheLeaf · 27/08/2022 23:03

Although I do have to warn you. Don't expect a call in the first two weeks. Theyre plunged into a whole new dynamic

SoupDragon · 27/08/2022 23:06

I was emotional when my first went, less so when the second went. It was a mix of excitement that they were off on their own and were going to have a great time plus a dose of wistful sadness that my job was done.

Of course, they are both back home now having graduated and got jobs in London!

I sort of felt like a spider in a web. I knew where all my children were on that web, and they were where they were meant to be.

it will be fine 🙂

blueshoes · 27/08/2022 23:15

@SoupDragon I like the spider in the web analogy.

I like to know where they are and I know they are where they want to be but they are always welcome home.

Lentil63 · 27/08/2022 23:23

I recall feeling as you do, I was utterly bereft and then bereft again when his brother went to uni. Tonight my boys were back with me with their wives and children, they are spending the weekend here. We have a lovely relationship and I am blessed. I know it’s so hard but wave your beautiful baby off with a smile, save your tears for when she can’t see. Our children don’t belong to us and when they leave and make their own lives we know we’ve done a good job so far.
Thinking of you.

SoupDragon · 27/08/2022 23:26

I don't think there's anything wrong with them seeing you cry (as long as it's not full on sobbing and wailing!) I remember explaining to DS1 that it was just because it was an emotional time and that I really was excited for him.

Bonkerz · 28/08/2022 07:41

Absolutely dreading it and DS is 22. He's autistic so he's been delaying his course but now has decided he will be off on 16th sept.
He's not independent at all, he's made some huge mistakes socially and whilst sometimes I see a responsible young man it's hidden a lot by ADHD and impulsive actions.
But he wants to go. Letting him go is difficult.

FourChimneys · 28/08/2022 07:54

Whatever you do, don't do what the parents of one of my university friends did. They missed their DD so much they moved house to the city where the university was. She was furious and barely saw them.

It seems hard but you soon get into a new routine. They come back a lot anyway, possibly with a load of laundry and a group of starving friends.

MarshaBradyo · 28/08/2022 08:00

I’ve got another year but we had a conversation recently about where he’d like to study. I admit I felt a lurch and it is emotional but I’m kind of glad I’ve had that now as I’ll appreciate him even more for the next year before it happens

They suddenly look so sweet, and young but also ready to go and be with friends more

TobyEsterhase · 28/08/2022 16:44

My 18 year old twin daughters are going to study 65 miles away.

Their 19 year old brother was going to be studying 500 miles away but for variety of reasons has chosen to go to local Uni.

They only moved in with me in May after 13 years living with their mother (long story) so I am not sure how I will cope with this major life change.

MrsDThomas · 29/08/2022 20:35

My DC went to college 150 miles away 2 years ago at 16 so i said my goodbyes then. Been back and forth countless time since getting that all important driving license.

moved to a place and knew absolutely no one, in the middle of covid. So i know this time round its going to be ok (i hope!). Knows many people, has a surrogate set of parents as back up.

it’ll soon be December and they will all be home!

the worry never leaves though

RuthW · 29/08/2022 20:47

I'm not going to lie, as a single parent it was the worse time of my life. It was awful and everytime I thought of her there were tears in my eyes.

Two weeks later I was used to it and had the best four years of my life.

Lottsbiffandsmudge · 03/09/2022 22:37

Dropped DS today. We are all emotional wrecks. Especially DD.
He video called tonight which was good.
Going to miss him loads.... tough day but I expected it.

Maverickess · 03/09/2022 22:54

I hope you're doing ok @Lottsbiffandsmudge , another week to go for us, bought her a tin opener and sewing kit thingy today, never thought those items would be emotion provoking!

OrangeBlossom28 · 04/09/2022 12:13

I'm starting to wobble a bit now about DD2 going as DD1 goes back the week before.
She's changed from her firm to get insurance uni and is much happier about going now.
I'm back to school tomorrow (teacher) and I feel like it's all happening too quickly now September is upon us.

Lilactimes · 06/09/2022 07:56

I totally agree. I have been so excited for her but am a single mum and she is my only DD and am now really wobbling. Seeing her start to get really nervous and scared thisboast two weeks has set me off. She’s had a tough time with friends this past 3 years and is scared of all the socialising. She’s out of practise and quite lonely at home. Keeping everything crossed for her x

MmeHennyPenny · 06/09/2022 08:15

My last child at home leaves for Uni next week.
I am going to miss him so much, he’s such fun to have around. I’ve enjoyed his friends sprawling around my kitchen too for years, endlessly making snacks and chatting. It’s going to be so quiet- and clean.
Chins up everyone!

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