If you have a 14-yr-old boy, do you ...

[roisin]

a) Run their bath?
b) Prepare their breakfast?
c) Wake them in the morning?
d) Pack for them for holiday?

Do they ever or regularly ..
e) Make you a cup of coffee/tea
f) Cook a family meal?

no
no
yes on schooldays
yes
yes
no

a. no
b. no
c. no
d. if we went then I would cos males can't pack
e. no (but my 12 yo does)
f. never

My boys are beyond their teens but looking back....

a) No
b) No
c) Sometimes, if they didn't appear.
d) No but would check what they'd put in.

Do they ever or regularly ..
e) No, but then I don't drink between meals v much so not likely to ask.
f) Not a whole meal but yes to a snack.

a) Run their bath? NEVER
b) Prepare their breakfast? VERY RARELY, ONLY IF DS IS RUNNING REALLY LATE SO MIGHT MAKE TOAST FOR HIM TO EAT WHILE GETTING DRESSED
c) Wake them in the morning? YES, OR HE'D NEVER GET UP TO GO TO SCHOOL
d) Pack for them for holiday? I HELP, OR HE'D JUST TAKE 1 PAIR BOXERS FOR THE WHOLE HOLIDAY

Do they ever or regularly ..
e) Make you a cup of coffee/tea YES
f) Cook a family meal? NOT REGULARLY

PS 'waking them up' would consist of sending their toddler sister in to annoy them.

Males CAN pack. They sometimes need to be trained...

Interesting thread, Roisin. I am surprised that lots of people's 14 year olds wake up AND get out of bed unaided in the morning.

My nearly 14 year old needs a gentle and often a not so gentle word or two before he emerges in the morning. He ignores his alarm.

a) Run their bath? Sometimes if I am feeling kind (or controlling). It's a good way of getting ds to chill out, relax and exit a situation (ie if he and ds2 are snapping at each other) by me forceabley running a bath for him. Ds likes having showers but likes me to turn the shower on for him.

b) Prepare their breakfast? No - ds likes to do this himself

c) Wake them in the morning? I still do this, yes. (see above).

d) Pack for them for holiday? Absolutely yes, though get ds to make his own choice first. Then I add stuff. This saves us using our hoiday money on buying new swimsuits, socks, waterproof coats, sunglasses etc for ds while on holiday.

Do they ever or regularly ..

e) Make you a cup of coffee/tea - Yes, daily. DS1 made a banana loaf for us yesterday evening.

f) Cook a family meal? Ds regularly prepares breakfast or lunch for him and ds2 at the weekends,(from a full cooked meal to toast). 2 or 3 times a week he does at least half the cooking for our family supper. Has cooked things like stews and currys unaided. Right now I am urging ds to finish all his homework as I want him to cook roast winter vegetables and roast chicken for tonight . I am no fan of cooking and am eagerly offloading onto ds1

However I do all the washing up and ds1 gets a lot of dishes dirty.

I find I have to constantly re-think what ds1 could and should be doing for himself. He loves being fussed up and will ask me to do all sorts of maid type errands for him ie to run upstairs to get his phone, bring his clothes to the bathroom when he is having a shower etc etc - lots of running around. Me saying no never puts him off from asking again.

I also find that ds wants me to be his social secretary - if he wants to see a friend, he begs me to phone and arrange things. At age 10 I'd expect to do this, but now he is aged nearly 14, I think he should be doing a lot of this himself.

I have to constantly stop and think if what I am doing for ds1 is parenting or skivvying.

i have a 14 yo boy and here are my answers

no
no
yes
yes
no
sort their own meal out when i cant be fucked

No
No - he does a great cooked breakfast.
No
YES - he gets what he wants ready but i actually pack

Yes ( often)
Yes.

He's lovely.
Walks his sister( 5 years) to school on a friday for me and takes her to the park

I have a great way of getting the boys out of bed in the morning. I just let the (not very small) puppy loose on their beds. She's a fervent licker and, if they don't get up and out of bed, they have a substantial amount of dog jumping on their heads and licking any part of their body she can get at - she loves feet .

Works every time.

a) Run their bath? yes if he is getting in after dd(as we are on a water metre)
b) Prepare their breakfast? i make him toast(he can do it himself but wouldn't bother before school)
c) Wake them in the morning? yes as he has hearing loss so doesn't hear the alarm
d) Pack for them for holiday? I pack for everyone

Do they ever or regularly ..
e) Make you a cup of coffee/tea never asked
f) Cook a family meal? never asked

(befor people think I mollycoddle him. We have to be quiet in the morning so I get 30mins before dd(sn) wakes up.)

(oh and he is 15)

No
No
No
Joint effort

Yes, often.
Depends what you call a meal, but would not watch us starve.

My older two are 12 and 14 -
they run their own baths.
I make everyone's toast (but there isn't room for 6 people round the toaster!)
Yes I wake everybody up
I pack for everyone on holiday, but we always go s/catering and there isn't much space in the car, certainly not for 6 cases - they bring their stuff down to me and I squish it into a couple of dufflebags.

They would make me tea/coffee, if i ever drank it when they are around (i have 1 coffee a day, after returning from the school run). 12 yo helps a lot with cooking, 14 yo not at all.
However they do empty dishwasher on a rota, help with hoovering if asked, that sort of thing.

Have a 10 and 11 year old, they are pretty good. Dh and I we both work f/t so we all have to work together, they also get all the rewards this brings so they should help in the house at this age, I don't think it's asking a lot. Get monthly allowance in their bank accounts, and have taught them you get nothing for nothing, so we'll see how it goes, ask me again in a year!

a) sometimes, mostly has showers
b) sometimes, can do own aswell
c) always, but we all get up at the same time for work/school
d) we all do it together (at first, I usually end up finishing it off with dh)

e) yes, all the time, only cos they like a cup of tea too.
f) no, but do make snacks and help to prepare meals

Ds1 is 14 -
a) no
b) no
c) yes
d) yes
e) no
f) no

Do not pack for a 14 year old! If he forgets something it is his look-out.

Yes to all the questions, plus, he does his own ironing...or not, as the case more often is, but again, that's his business. He tends to not bother in the winter as he will have a sweatshirt on over t-shirt or school shirt. Fine by me.

Before you're all too impressed, the 'cooking' tends to be 'heating up' e.g. pizza, sausages etc. He does do a mean apple crumble,learnt in Home Economics at school. (Cookery always was on the curriculum here in Scotland). Will even eat said crumble, despite not liking apples normally!

no
no
no
no

yes
yes

and yes he is an angel!

I have a 13 year old son. Do I...?
a) Run his bath? No
b) Prepare his breakfast? No.
c) Wake him in the morning? Sometimes, standing over him with a glass of water like the sword of Damocles will get him up. Always have to wake him on school days.
d) Pack for him for holiday? Add bits after he's done his thang.
Do they ever or regularly ..
e) Make you a cup of coffee/tea? Nooo.
f) Cook a family meal? We are a 7 people family. Even I struggle with that amount of cooking, so 'no'.

I have a 15 year old boy.

a) Run their bath? Yes sometimes. If before school (after late swim session previous night I run it while using bathroom myself beforewaking him. Not if he has bath in evening).
b) Prepare their breakfast? No. But I lay out all his medication for him much to his consultant's disapproval but she can go pee up a flagpole
c) Wake them in the morning? Yes
d) Pack for them for holiday? God Yes!! He packs overnight bags for himself usually though

Do they ever or regularly ..
e) Make you a cup of coffee/tea Yes

SO.. what sort of mother does this make me? Can someone judge me please?
f) Cook a family meal?

a) No
b) No
c) Yes
d) No

e) yes
f) yes

He's 15

I have 12 and 14 yo boys:
run baths - no and no
prepare breakfast - no and no (but dh makes them + younger sibs a cooked breakfast at w/e)
wake them up - yes and yes
pack - no and no, but will check afterwards that it's been done properly

Making me hot drinks ? Funnily the 12yo does and the 14 doesn't. 12 yo has fogeyish tendencies and loves his various teas, so makes mine too !
Family meals ? yes and yes - occasionally and nothing complex. That said, ds1 makes a fab chicken/ginger stirfry, pastry tartlets with tomato, and ds2 can do things like spag bol and ramen dishes.

I would not do any of the above for my 14 year old!!

He does his own washing.....as this teaches responsibility for his stuff and he soon gets annoyed when his school stuff is dirty...he has no one to blame but himself. After that he always does his own stuff.

My 8 year girl puts all her washing in and I am teaching her how to use the machine. She also does the diswasher and hoovers occasionaly. They both are responibile for their rooms and changing their beds.

They both make their own breakfasts. 8 year old makes her own lunch at weekends and I amke her lunch in the week. The 14 makes his own lunch all the time.

I always make dinner for them both, however the 14 year can make his own dinners if he has to.

8 year old, I run the bath for but she washes and cleans her own hair.

They both have an alarm clock and get up for school themselves. Why have an alarm clock????

The boy has a paper round and he gets up at 6am before school and the 8 year old earns pocket money by doing chores etc.

The way I think is...in reality when an adult there is not just someone that always does things for you so this should be taught at an early age. My rules are when you turn 16 - if you go to college we will support you, but you must get a sat job. If you ae 16 and dont have a job or go to college you get nothing!!!!!

If you get a job and no college then you need to pay your way and help towards the home...simple.

There is NO WAY i am having kids lying in tll 12pm when they finish school...

Oh and my 8 year old makes a cup of tea if I ask and will sometimes offer....she does her homework every week which consists of at least 6 peices and she doesnt argue. My son is a teen so can be argumentitive but at the same time knows whio is boss and knows the house rules...

I cant believe what some people still do for their kids....I have one on the way and will bring up the same. It is importnant for them to be able to fend for themselves..

a) Run their bath?

yes
b) Prepare their breakfast?

yes
c) Wake them in the morning?

yes using several methods
d) Pack for them for holiday?

yes

Do they ever or regularly ..
e) Make you a cup of coffee/tea

no might get a can of coke if im in right place at right time

f) Cook a family meal?

bjesus no id need extra house insurance ....

a) Run their bath? has a shower
b) Prepare their breakfast? Sometimes
c) Wake them in the morning? YES
d)Pack for them for holiday? yes and for dh otherwise suitcase would open at destination to reveal god knows what!

Do they ever or regularly ..
e) Make you a cup of coffee/tea YES
f) Cook a family meal? makes a mean spagetti bolognase