Page 3 | Consequences for 15 yo DD?

Prideandjoy2 · 2022-07-18T16:16:26+00:00

Help please! At the end of my tether with 15 yo DD. She is blatantly ignoring my husband and I when we say she can’t do something. I feel like we have no authority. What do you do when they just ignore you and do it anyway?

worriedatthistime · 20/07/2022 18:30

I agree in compromise but at the same time when i say no I expect mine to listen or the very least ask why and we explain etc
They can't just do what they want whenever they feel like it
We all live in the same house and sometimes I may so no because its inconvenient or I think schoolwork is suffering etc

Beamur · 20/07/2022 18:31

OP - oh dear. She really is pushing it isn't she?
No words of wisdom to offer anymore just a virtual hug and hope that the escalation here and Police involved might be enough of a wake up call.

Original poster

Prideandjoy2 · 20/07/2022 21:25

mumofblu · 20/07/2022 17:45

@Prideandjoy2

I've been reading the replies and thought I'd jump in now .
My DD has been pushing against us Not wanting to let us know who she is with , where going . If we don't let her do something she just goes anyway anytime day or night . Other parents letting her stay without our permission. Then finally the night she went out and we didn't know where she was . I wasn't able to go out and look for her as husband working away and youngest in bed and even if I found her every chance I wouldn't be able to get her in the car .
Because of going out that night and police being called we now have a social worker .
My dd has openly said to police and social worker that we are good parents but she just wants to do what she wants .

I thought it may help to know what social worker said to us and her .

She is 14 , we are her parents and she can't make decisions about where she goes and what time she comes in because she's a child

As a family we have you be considerate of everyone. If we say no give a reason and say it's not agreed now but next time she's due out and we'll do our best to say yes if she shows she can compromise.

She has to ask and we have to know where she is . That's what good parents do .

It's given us confidence that we are not unreasonable and it's taught her that we are right supported by police and social worker .

We have lots going on beside this l but don't doubt yourself you sound very reasonable parents x

Thank you for this, it is helpful. When the police dropped her off her best friends mum was still here and my DD regards her as much more laid back regarding rules. However, when DD started giving attitude my friend told her in no uncertain terms that she was out of order. It’s ridiculous but it was so helpful to have another adult in the house reiterating what we had been saying. Also makes you feel like you are not going mad and being unreasonable, because boy, can teenagers tie you in knots with their arguments!

OP posts:

NancyJoan · 22/07/2022 08:19

2 teens go out for a while, don't call anyone, get home safe and sound before midnight. I mean seriously what's the big fuss

Well, they told a pack of lies to parents and friends, got lost, had to knock on a stranger ‘s door, were brought home by the police. Might be standard teen behaviour to you, but not to most people.

mumofblu · 22/07/2022 08:24

And if something did happen and parents didn't call the police to say they were out missing ?
Parents would be investigated by police and social care .

I agree , risky behaviour , parents did the right thing

Marikali · 22/07/2022 08:31

It's a tricky age with kids finding feet in the more adult world. If you want them to grow up into competent adults it seems sensible to explain your worries directly to her and ask her to have a say in a solution that you both end up being happy with. My teenage children respond very well to honesty and me being a bit more vulnerable about my worries. I don't think there is any space for 'rules' that only serve one party. You need to compromise and help kids learn to make good/ safe decisions about their own lives. They need to make some mistakes too.

Seasidemumma77 · 22/07/2022 08:37

Marikali · 22/07/2022 08:31

It's a tricky age with kids finding feet in the more adult world. If you want them to grow up into competent adults it seems sensible to explain your worries directly to her and ask her to have a say in a solution that you both end up being happy with. My teenage children respond very well to honesty and me being a bit more vulnerable about my worries. I don't think there is any space for 'rules' that only serve one party. You need to compromise and help kids learn to make good/ safe decisions about their own lives. They need to make some mistakes too.

This

mumofblu · 22/07/2022 08:53

It's very individual to the yp . I shared my worries and reasoning , age , other people etc and was told by dd that I was catastrophising .

MercurialMonday · 22/07/2022 10:19

My parents used to catastrophising at us - siblings switched off or lied and I often got guilted into not doing things which left me very poorly prepared for more independent life.

I try and keep it light hearted - but point out bad things do happen to people every day and having a starting point of where they were and who they were with can be so important. I try really hard not to pry or say no without a very good reason or to pester via tech but it's much easier for me than Op because I can trust my teens. There were blips with DS but he's worked hard to get our trust back and knows it unpleasant and his life more difficult when we don't trust him.