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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

My daughter wants to meet her internet boyfriend

80 replies

StumbleBee · 04/07/2022 07:45

Hello, I am new here and hoping I can get some feedback. I am a single mum with a 17 year old daughter. She has an internet 'boyfriend' she has never met in real life and has been face-timing for about six months. She wants to travel to Yorkshire - we live in Wimbledon - to stay with him and his family for a few days for his 18th birthday. I know he isn't a fifty year old pretending to be a teenager as I have seen him when they chat and have said hello, and I have already thought about the need to face-time chat with his mum, get all the contact details etc. I know I have been very over-protective which we have discussed and I am working on but honestly I just feel sick and terrified about this. Am I being over-protective or is this what every mum would feel? I have borderline personality disorder and an anxiety disorder which makes it really difficult for me to judge situations and people appropriately and I would very much appreciate any advice I can get. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

OP posts:
User56785 · 04/07/2022 22:06

I'm not sure why everyone thinks this boy should be travelling to London to meet her for a day first. They both need to be travelling to meet somewhere halfway, preferably being accompanied by a parent who can be nearby if needed

As was suggested in the sixth post you mean?

2ndTimeRound90 · 04/07/2022 23:04

I was just turned 18 when I was in the exact same situation as your daughter. The differences were that we had planned a one night stay rather than a couple of nights and also that my parents were completely unaware of the whole situation! (I had just started uni away from home) At the time in my teenage mind I felt in control of the situation as had spoken to him constantly for about 6 months including video calls and also had agreed to meet him in a busy public place initially.

We have now been together 14 years, married and have 2 kids!

So I feel like the situation with your daughter is already safer than mine was and that you should absolutely let them do this visit

sashh · 05/07/2022 08:02

HarrietSchulenberg · 04/07/2022 21:20

I'm not sure why everyone thinks this boy should be travelling to London to meet her for a day first. They both need to be travelling to meet somewhere halfway, preferably being accompanied by a parent who can be nearby if needed.
It's not really reasonable to expect him to spend his 18th birthday away from his family but they could really meet either before or afterwards.
I have 3 boys and I would not feel happy about any of them travelling so far from home to meet some random girl whose family I knew so little about.

I used to meet a friend from Portsmouth in London, I'm in Wolverhampton, the travelling time was the same and there is lots to do (although mostly we sat in a pub).

Selok · 06/07/2022 00:19

I have a 17 yo DD, yes they are bloody hard work and please don't be so hard on yourself! I always question myself and my decisions, my actions constantly so it must be the parent thing - you are not alone. My answer would be definitely no to my daughter, to be honest I think she would have been also set back with being too far away from us- what if something goes wrong, what if the parents are not nice or an elder brother/ sister you don't know anything about the family home she will be staying in, not even the boy so OP listen to your gut and find another way for them to meet

isthatwhatyoureallywanted · 06/07/2022 00:34

OP - even if you have already banned your DD from meeting this boy, can I suggest you get his home address or phone number or something in case your DD goes against your wishes and heads off to meet him anyway.
Has your DD been on many sleepovers with friends. Has she ever come back from one of them feeling slightly uncomfortable for any reason, it may well not be a feeling she can identify but just that there was an odd or off feeling. How will she feel like isgymnggggjnnffffffffffffdd

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