Most teens are lovely

[12Thorns]

I feel sad and worried when I read threads where poor behaviour, even aggression is accepted as normal teenage behaviour.

it really really is not. Most teens are lovely. Around 10% of the thousands I have taught have some genuine anger/ severe mood swings through hormonal changes, and most of those can manage these feelings perfectly well without having a major negative impact on others.

please please please don’t stop disciplining/rewarding/parenting your teen if they are difficult. They need parenting at this stage more than they do at the 8-12 year old stage.

and don’t accept bad behaviour as an inevitable teen thing. It isn’t

Totally agree.

I’d agree too. My nearly 14 yr old is generally lovely. She has the odd grump when she can’t do what she wants or is running late and is a bit self absorbed sometimes but that’s the only ‘teen’ behaviour we see.

Yep, they're fine generally. Just keep an eye on who they're associating with its the group behaviour that tends to get out of hand as they egg each other on.

Difficult period, not quite adult, not quire children, trying to be grown up and still wanting to play.

I agree. I usually stay away from the teen threads because I can't bear the 'they are all like that' comments, especially when talking about extreme behaviour. So many kids hit the early teens and get let down. The support disappears. Im fact I often wonder how the same parents that are so protective over their baby will spend the toddler years fighting against their child instead of being pro active and enjoying them, to then start leaving them alone at 8 'for independence' () and by the time they hit the teens they simply opt out and again spend years fighting a child they should have been supporting.

Well this is nice to hear. I'm on another thread where a poster is trying to tell us that the majority of teenagers are harder than a newborn!

I agree! My teen is mostly a delight, she has an amazing sense of humour and makes me laugh every day - she’s the best friend I’ve ever had. The occasional hormone moods happen but I have those too, just give space and offer care. Her friends are all just the same, lovely!

It’s a surprise to me as I was a horrific teen.

On balance my teens are ok. Certainly not like the extremes you hear of on here. In real life I do know a few very troubled teens, but that’s not the majority by any means.

dd1 can be a bit temperamental and stroppy. But she’s been like that since she was born, just like her father who still hasn’t grown out of it in his 40s. But on the whole she a good kid and we have a good relationship.

dd2 is easy going. Not to say she doesn’t have her moments, but on the whole she’s good company and Generally a nice person

I don’t think we should just expect teens to be awful.

I have 2 teens.
they are lovely but sometimes at home, where they relax, decompress, show their real feelings etc this can be messy and dramatic.

it can be frustrating at times when they are being cheeky, stroppy, emotional. I try to find middle ground on their terms. For example youngest will still come for a swim with me. Oldest is better if I text her rather than a face to face conversation but she is variable. I think we forget sometimes how hard it all is, they are finding their way in the world and need love and support and imo as parents we have a responsibility to try and communicate as best we can with them.

I know. My ds is lovely. I keep waiting for the teen strops to arrive, and they have in a way but are so minor as to be irrelevant. There's still time yet, but mostly he is reasonable and decent.

It's hard to equate my reality with all the awful stories in the news. He doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs, damage anything, roam the neighbourhood at night. Mostly he does his school work, plays video games and chats. We still cycle together. He has no interest in cars. If I had to find a fault, I'd say he's too right wing 😀

All my teens are lovely, been through more than most people ever will, but are so grateful for what they have( I don’t mean trainers, phones etc…) They work hard, are respectful and kind.
They’re sick of being labelled as ‘teenagers’

@Stellamar that may well be me. I think newborns (in general) are easier. Teenagers, even ones who are lovely, require such a much more psychological and complicated form of parenting which is harder.
My daughter (just turned 17, lower sixth) is great. She works hard, is agreeable, knows her own mind but is aware others can feel differently and respects that. She can be a grump but she is similiar to me in temperament so I find her easy to be with. But as she starts deciding on her future direction, choosing her degree course, first relationships, navigating the loss of friendships etc there's much to manage.
My son (18) who definitely got a raw deal through his college during covid, is really struggling now. He is working, lives on his own, and on the outside seems together and relatively ok. But he is so far from that. He has a lot of inner demons and can lash out and get destructive. He was pretty good until 16, had some major disappointments from work, exams, including his first major relationship breakdown, got a bit to into weed, and all that paired with covid and he needs ALOT of support. He is seeing a therapist thankfully.
Teenagers can be wonderful. They can go off the rails. The fact they are or almost fully grown does make it much more of a challenge. Of course there are babies who are very difficult and lack of sleep can lead to despair, but I stand by the following (acknowledging the exceptions): babies and toddlers require love and physical care; teenagers require love and emotional and psychological support. I find the latter far far harder.

@12Thorns i agree but there is a big difference between teaching teens and how they are at home.

All of my friends (and me) were angels at school, but my god, I would not have wanted to live with myself as a teenager.

I saved ALL my unreasonable-ness and horrible mood swings for home. Looking back, I was so angry for no reason - even my mum breathing too loudly would annoy me!

Yes my teens are absolutely lovely!

They have their moments, but 90% of the time they are great company.

Teens are much closer to their parents these days, parenting has changed a lot since I was a teen and that is one of the benefits - they are more invested in their families in my experience, feel included and loved even when they are feeling edgy/cross/tired.

Love them!

They are young people, not 'teenagers' I don't like the term, it is sometimes said with such negativity.

My teens are generally lovely but I agree with a PP that the job of parenting them is harder than a newborn!

Mine are mostly lovely, they stress me out in a way they never did as babies but I love seeing what awesome humans they are becoming

Yup. I supervise teenage volunteers doing DoE programs. They are generally lovely, conscientious and a joy to have around.

I completely agree - my two young people, and their friends are lovely, caring and funny. Life has been hard on this age group and support for them lacking.

Absolutely agree
Our adult daughters were lovely mostly and dd3 who is 16 is delightful most of the time and is great company and actually likes spending time with her family.
We have been very lucky

Well I agree that some children can behave differently at home to school, but I’ve had a huge number of teens in my home too,and in out of school activities. And I stand by what I said. 90% lovely. And most of the 10% with ‘issues’ don’t impose those issues on other people much

Wish I could agree but most teenagers I’ve come across are awful 😒

My 15 yr old and 17 yr old are absolutely lovely and such sensible kids, I definitely prefer them at this age than any other. So far all the friends they have are the same, all very family orientated, very down to earth and this is living in London.

I agree with you that most teens are lovely (or as lovely as most people at any rate!). But I think some of the 'bad behaviour is normal' stuff is in recognition of the fact that adolescence is a time of great social, emotional and physical change, and that that naturally brings difficulties. I think cutting teens a bit of slack in view of that developmental shift is a good thing, but there's definitely a balance and just saying 'don't worry, they'll grow out of being a little shit' doesn't help anyone.

I have three teens. They're all fun people to be around and I enjoy doing things with them and watching them and their friends grow up. One is more challenging in a 'typical teenage' way than the other two so far, and that side of the parenting can definitely be quite draining. But on balance, give me this stage of life over the early years any day.

Like every subject on Mumsnet it really depends on your personal experience . I had the easiest baby ever, I can honestly say I never had a disturbed night's sleep (bar a very quick night feed & DS self settled immediately after), I never experienced 'toddler tantrums', my DS went happily to school, no childhood illnesses (sick twice in his life) ... so those early years for me were a dream. But I can understand that for many parents the first months and years are very, very hard. The 'teenage' years were slightly challenging... nothing horrendous ... but much, much harder than parenting a baby.

Best time seems to be now - DS aged 21, living away from home, loving Uni & looking forward to the next stage of his life .

Another one standing up for the teens here.

I'm really enjoying this stage of parenting, it's just lovely watching them unfurl into adulthood and watching them figure out where their path in life starts.

It's exciting, I feel like I laid a foundation and they have to take that slightly uneven and botched surface and build themselves into an adult and head off from it.

The mistakes I made are there in all their glory, for sure, there are many things that I'd change if I could go back in time, some of which were my fault and some of which were circumstance, but despite some clumsy mothering and bits of bad luck they are each turning out to be really GOOD people.

It's a huge relief. Some teens ARE challenging and grumpy and hard work and we have had our share of difficulties to negotiate - I'm relieved that each of them landed up with a nice peer group. They are so full of energy and witty and have interesting takes on the world, I love it when they all come round and eat everything.

I love the company of my teens and I can't bear the idea of them leaving home. I'm going to miss them terribly.