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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How do you deal with a lack of revision for mocks?

40 replies

HardRockOwl · 05/06/2022 12:14

I have a lovely but rather lazy 15 year old. He's in year 10 and at this rate he will not pass his exams.

His idea of revision is to do it all - and I mean all - the night before. He's had plenty to do this half term but just won't do it. He's had one early 'proper' exam and said he felt he didn't badly.

He isn't 'defiantly' not doing it, he's just ... not doing it. He has it all printed out, he has a plan I've helped him with , he has a quiet study to himself, he has me on hand to help if need be for anything. So everything provided etc

It's always 'later' or he will sit doing it in a very half hearted fashion and at the age of 15, I cannot 'force' him

He's very average academically so really does need to apply himself but he just won't

So . I'm asking what you would do? I've explained consequences, I've made things as easy as possible for him to do it, I've offered help with anything he's not sure on.

I've told him now that this HAS to come from him and him alone and he's asked me to leave him to do it in his own way. So... that's what I'll have to do?

Just curious to know if anyone is in the same boat and what tack they're taking.

OP posts:
StrawberryPot · 05/06/2022 12:17

Nothing you can do will make a difference. So save your energy. I speak from experience!

Verbena87 · 05/06/2022 12:21

Let him do his mocks his way; see what the results are like. They may galvanise him.

I’m a teacher and some of my half-hearted y10s transformed into conscientious, focussed y11s this year - they’re really working hard and also supporting each other with revision. Don’t know if it’s their cohort having been through lockdown etc but they have really blown me away.

Original poster
HardRockOwl · 05/06/2022 12:21

@StrawberryPot ugh I had a feeling that may be the case! My eldest is 23 now and was a totally different kettle of fish so I didn't have any of this.

So it's me right now, getting him a whiteboard, talking about plans, offering to help (he has no special needs but I know he can feel a little overwhelmed sometimes so puts it all off)

I'm not doing all this in some weird overbearing way either. Just keen for him to bloody apply himself but I'm beginning to realise it's a bit like pissing in the wind

OP posts:
Original poster
HardRockOwl · 05/06/2022 12:23

@Verbena87 good point. I've set the ground work in place to make this easier for him and now it's probably time to let him crack on. Or not crack on as the case may be

He's not a difficult teen as such but he's a pain in the arse for sure

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treaclepetey · 05/06/2022 12:30

Hard rock owl

I literally could have written your OP - in fact i have wanted to ask the same question here also many times.

I struggle with the advice that tells me to let them suffer natural consequences, but I am starting to think that constantly "reminding" my DS to study may be counterproductive as they need to learn how to motivate themselves in the long run.

I'm not sure what the answer is.

CordeliaLOVEScocktails · 05/06/2022 12:31

My boy is the same 😩

Only thing he's ever revised for is his driving theory test.

Original poster
HardRockOwl · 05/06/2022 12:40

@treaclepetey yeah I hear you. It's really hard when you sort of 'pride yourself' on trying to always do your best. And err not re not quite working out Grin

I'm all out of ideas really. It's not in my nature to just sit back and let him get on with it but I'm beginning to see that that's my only option

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Original poster
HardRockOwl · 05/06/2022 12:41

@CordeliaLOVEScocktails solidarity!

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treaclepetey · 05/06/2022 13:13

I always say to him. "All I ask is that you do your best and yes that includes going to school revision sessions and leaving no stone unturned." 😆 All the things you say you have done in your OP to help, I have done too.

Like you say sitting back is not in my nature either - it's like torture!

However, I comfort myself with this. If you look around you will see many examples of people who messed up their exams etc, who then matured and went on to study a little later and really establish themselves. I know people in my own family who have done this.

Again though for somebody like me who did everything in order and early on to get it out of the way - it's tough sitting back.

snowmanshoes · 05/06/2022 13:49

I think you have to have faith in them. It’s year 10 mocks too so if he messes up he’ll realise he needs to put in more work. My dd is sitting her GCSEs and she says to me just because I haven’t got post it notes and posters everywhere doesn’t mean I’m not revising. She tells me that she has friends who do these hundreds post it’s that are pointless to ‘prove’ they’re revising to parents, whereas she is doing past papers online and reading over notes etc and so doesn’t look like she is as much - so also don’t presume he isn’t revising!

Original poster
HardRockOwl · 05/06/2022 13:53

@snowmanshoes oh I live with him - I know he isn't doing a single thing! I don't care about post it notes or proving anything to me - what I care about is him actually doing ... something. And he is not.

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Original poster
HardRockOwl · 05/06/2022 13:56

@treaclepetey yes I agree with you - and I think I've been complacent because i wasn't expecting to such a lack of drive to even open up his homework app! He hasn't done a thing this half term but once you've mentioned it, offered to help, asked if he needs advice.. what can you do?

I'm not some nag, going on ten times a day, I've mildly brought it up 3 times this past week and now I'm thinking I must step back

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FunnysInLaJardin · 05/06/2022 14:00

My DS1 is mid GSCEs and just like this. He is a bright boy but doesn't enjoy academic work at all. He is very creative and that is where he will do well I think.

He has done precisely no revision at all and despite this is on track to pass most of his GCSE's having already got passes in 6 of them - they take their exams throughout yr 10 and 11 here. His passes may only be scraping through but they are passes and will get him to A Level.

We used to try and push/encourage him to revise but it was entirely pointless and had we carried on like that we would have damaged our relationship with him.

I suspect he may fail a couple, but even then it won't really matter in the scheme of things.

snowmanshoes · 05/06/2022 14:00

Fair enough!

treaclepetey · 05/06/2022 14:01

My son didn't do a thing this week either. He's just done an exam before half term. He usually complains about never getting a break.

I didn't nag this week (although I mentioned I had received an email that various mocks were coming up) I wanted to see what he would do if I didn't mention it- which was precisely nothing!

Batdad12 · 05/06/2022 14:10

Turn off the Wi fi. Say it will go back on once he has done an hour of solid study.

iRun2eatCake · 05/06/2022 14:18

I could have written your post about my DS.

I have frequent Phonecalls or emails from school asking me to "encourage" him to do homework/revision.... and suggest l "speak to him" ..

As l have pointed out numerous times... he has parents who are extremely motivated in our own work i.e role models.... he has every technological piece of equipment that he needs...in fact twice over as we are divorced. We both impress the importance of doing well.

But...

I can not make him want to do well, motivation comes from within.

It was suggested by school that we punish him for not doing his homework.... l pointed out that if he misbehaves at home l don't contact them and ask them to punish him. Therefore if they want punishment for no homework, then they need to give it. This school doesn't give any sanctions for not submitting homework.... except phoning the parents...

iRun2eatCake · 05/06/2022 14:20

Batdad12 · 05/06/2022 14:10

Turn off the Wi fi. Say it will go back on once he has done an hour of solid study.

How old are your DC?

Bumpsadaisie · 05/06/2022 14:48

Let him crack on.

I was aiming at oxford and got CDD in my a level mocks.
It gave me the kick up the bum I needed and I went on to do well in the real exams.

Bibbetybobbity · 05/06/2022 14:58

@iRun2eatCake well said😆

Original poster
HardRockOwl · 05/06/2022 15:12

@iRun2eatCake sounds like my son!

I don't want to ruin our good relationship so I do keep rather short accounts with him as I believe you should with a teenager and I recognise that me going on won't achieve anything

He's just come downstairs for food and I took the opportunity to say that wouldn't it be nice to do a spot of revision and did he need a hand with getting organised to which he replied 'say nuttin' darlin', love to man innit?' so this is the level of silliness I'm dealing with sometimes.

He then reverted to normal and said to leave it with him, pretended to box me and patted my head so..... I can safely say hes just bloody infuriating

Yes I could turn off the Wi-Fi but unfortunately this wouldn't lead to him sensibly deciding to crack on with revision.

I think after reading these replies I'll just leave it. I will mention it as I just can't not but I've told him I can't do it for him and that it has to come from him and it's not me getting the demerits etc for not turning in homework

Can't wait for parents evening on Thursday 😒

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright1 · 05/06/2022 15:18

Oh my ds is year 10 realised he must have mocks... He has done nothing but then school never inform us of anything

SummerSazz · 05/06/2022 15:29

My Y10 DD is the other way and giving herself stress induced tics and scratching from obsessing about revision to the detriment of other things. I wish there was a middle ground Sad

Muchtoomuchtodo · 05/06/2022 15:38

Our year 11 eldest is exactly the same. They had literally just had their option choices confirmed when we first locked down. Now all of a sudden their exams are here.

I’ve encouraged, provided everything that they need, offered to help but not been taken up on any of it. Turning off the Wi-Fi isn’t a realistic option as lots of revision materials are online.

They are reasonably bright and capable of getting a great set of results. I think they’ll get an ok set of results that will be enough to get onto their college course next year which I guess is the aim of this. If they do that and come out with their mental health intact (lots of their friends are very stressed and anxious) then we’ll count that as a good result after everything the past couple of years has thrown at them.

Original poster
HardRockOwl · 05/06/2022 15:43

@Muchtoomuchtodo sounds like a wise approach.

I'm concerned mine won't even scrape a pass but I did just walk past his games room and heard him say to his mate ' yeah I'm starting revision tomorrow obviously'

So I suppose that's something 😏

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