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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Am I being a lazy cow?

51 replies

Dilraj68 · 19/05/2022 08:05

So since DD13 started high school, I've been making her breakfast.

She's at that awkward age where there's no importance for time management and being too laid back.

She'll go to sleep at a good time to ensure she's not cranky in the mornings. I get her up at 05:30 so that she has that lie in and get up by 06:00.

She'll take an age in the bathroom doing her eyebrows and than another 45 minutes doing her hair. Every morning.

She used to expect me to do her a cooked breakfast every morning while I'm having kittens stressing out that she'll be late for school. It's just a 7 minute walk.

I put my foot down and have refused to do her breakfast, for the past two weeks now. I feel a bit victorious but I want her to see and realise time management is so important. She had a, strop at first but now has realised. She needs to leave by 08:10 at the latest but too busy faffing lol.

I feel like a lazy cow sometimes when I'm sipping my coffee while watching her do her own thing.

Hopefully she'll understand not to take me for granted.

Dunno why I posted this but hoping someone else can relate!

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 19/05/2022 08:10

You are right about here breakfast, she needs to make it herself. However, why does she need to be up at 5.30 if she only has a 7 minute walk to school? When does her school start? I lived about the same from my school and getting up at 8 allowed me time for a leisurely shower and breakfast then a stroll to school with my mates for 9 am.

Greatoutdoors · 19/05/2022 08:12

She’s quite old enough to get her own breakfast. You’re not her skivvy!

Peanutwaffles · 19/05/2022 08:15

Do you need to wake her? At that age I would expect her to use her own alarm. This will be a process though obvs it won't just click into that.

Bonheurdupasse · 19/05/2022 08:15

Not at all. This hopefully is the start of her taking some responsibility and not treating you as her "service human".

Alliswells · 19/05/2022 08:16

She's only 13.... I don't see what the problem is why you don't do her a breakfast?

Also why are you getting her up at 530 / 6 am?

Solosunrise · 19/05/2022 08:17

Yes, at 13 I was leaving mine to get on with it. Breakfast foods always available, and I'd do a cooked breakfast if we were all about and ready, occasionally.

I also had one who took about that long getting ready, but she got herself up to do it. I certainly wouldn't have been getting up at 5.30 to wake her. At that age, they need to feel the consequences of poor time management from school, not you.
You enjoy your coffee!

ResentfulLemon · 19/05/2022 08:20

Absolutely gobsmacked that your daughter is woken up for 5.30am to leave the house by 8.10am!

My 15 year old daughter rolls out of bed at 7.15am, into the shower sorts her breakfast and is out by 8am. She'd rather sleep than wear make up.

But on the issue of time keeping, we've made it completely clear since secondary school that she is responsible for her morning routine and as she walks to school any late marks will result in appropriate punishment at home. That's focused her on making the mornings work for her.

Don't get me wrong, we still have the frantic rush some mornings but mostly she's got the whole thing down and to date we haven't had any late marks.

You are not lazy!

gingercat02 · 19/05/2022 08:24

I have a 13yo.
Sometimes he does breakfast sometimes I do, if I'm making porridge I'll do enough for 2, if I'm putting toast in I'll put him some in the toaster too (but he puts his own topping on).

No one gets cooked breakfast on a weekday here. Or generally tbh. Maybe 3 or 4 times a year for a full cooked breakfast maybe once a month for bacon or sausage sandwiches.

Shinyandnew1 · 19/05/2022 08:26

Nobody needs a cooked breakfast every day!

Why on earth does she have to get up so early. My DC get up at 7 to leave the house at 8!

Wallywobbles · 19/05/2022 08:28

My kids are up at 6,20 for a depart at 6.50. Only one takes an hour and she showers and washes & conditions hair

TeenPlusCat · 19/05/2022 08:30

It is frankly ridiculous that she spends 2 hrs getting up to be ready to leave for school. But it's up to her I guess.

I would maybe say you will cook breakfast if she is down by say 7:30 but niot otherwise.

I'd do as PP suggests and say late marks will have consequence, and then leave her to it.

(5:30am wake up to leave at 810?!!!!)

nearlyspringyay · 19/05/2022 08:33

I wouldn't be getting out of bed to wake her at 530. If she wants to get up stupidly early let her get on with it.

I'd boil her some eggs or something but I wouldn't make a full cooked breakfast every weekday.

Intrigueddotcom · 19/05/2022 08:35

I feel like a lazy cow sometimes when I'm sipping my coffee while watching her do her own thing.

surely you have to be getting ready in the morning? Whether for work or even just unloading the dishwasher? Do that and a) you won’t feel less guilty and b) it may galvanise her to see her moving also getting ready in the morning

Hafera · 19/05/2022 08:35

I think it's pretty normal for 13 year olds to make their own breakfast surely? Mine certainly does but then I'm usually away to work at 7.45am so I really don't have time to be running around after a teenager who is perfectly capable of popping some bread in the toaster!

Intrigueddotcom · 19/05/2022 08:36

I love knowing my two have gone to school with a decent breakfast in them. As does set them off well for the day.

so not doing breakfast would be the last to go if you know what I mean.

Paying mobile phone bill for example would go before me not doing breakfast

converseandjeans · 19/05/2022 08:36

Why are you all waking up at 5.30 when she's not leaving until I guess around 8.15?

I don't think you need to do cooked breakfast. But I do take DD 14yo a cup of tea & a slice of toast when she wakes up. It's a nice thing to do.

What do you do the rest of the day? If you're home all day then it would be nice to do something for her. If you need to work a 10 hour day then you probably don't have time.

Notonthestairs · 19/05/2022 08:36

If you really want to promote independence you'll stop getting her up at 5.30. Absolute madness.

Intrigueddotcom · 19/05/2022 08:38

Hafera · 19/05/2022 08:35

I think it's pretty normal for 13 year olds to make their own breakfast surely? Mine certainly does but then I'm usually away to work at 7.45am so I really don't have time to be running around after a teenager who is perfectly capable of popping some bread in the toaster!

Agreed
but personally it is just something that is important to me.

i think if they head off with porridge, fruit, yoghurt, scrambled egg… mix of these kinds of foods insides their bellies, then until dinner is their own business!

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 19/05/2022 08:41

With a 7 minute walk to school, what time does she leave? 8.20? Even if she takes 2 hours to get ready she won’t need to wake up until 6.20 so why are you waking her at 5.20?

Rainbowbaby13 · 19/05/2022 08:55

Firstly I had to leave for school by 10 past 8 so got up at 7 half 5 seems crazy early also if I'd told my mum she had to make me a cooked breakfast everyday I'm pretty sure she would have just laughed in my face 😂😂

Original poster
Dilraj68 · 19/05/2022 08:56

converseandjeans · 19/05/2022 08:36

Why are you all waking up at 5.30 when she's not leaving until I guess around 8.15?

I don't think you need to do cooked breakfast. But I do take DD 14yo a cup of tea & a slice of toast when she wakes up. It's a nice thing to do.

What do you do the rest of the day? If you're home all day then it would be nice to do something for her. If you need to work a 10 hour day then you probably don't have time.

For those of you who were asking why she wakes up at that time. Firstly, it's time for our morning prayers, plus she takes soooo long to get ready. In an ideal world, if her school is so nearby, she'd be waking up at 7 which is reasonable enough.
That's if she didn't need to spend 90 + minutes getting her hair ready! Her school starts at 08:25.

I'm trying to let go off the 'doing everything' for the kids so that they become independent. I've left it a bt late, I accept that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dilraj68 · 19/05/2022 09:00

Dilraj68 · 19/05/2022 08:56

For those of you who were asking why she wakes up at that time. Firstly, it's time for our morning prayers, plus she takes soooo long to get ready. In an ideal world, if her school is so nearby, she'd be waking up at 7 which is reasonable enough.
That's if she didn't need to spend 90 + minutes getting her hair ready! Her school starts at 08:25.

I'm trying to let go off the 'doing everything' for the kids so that they become independent. I've left it a bt late, I accept that.

Show quote history

I work in a school so lots of running around to do before I start.

OP posts:
Vallmo47 · 19/05/2022 09:01

Well done on beginning to stand your grounds OP. I certainly would never entertain a cooked breakfast every weekday, my two get something less time consuming. The 14 year old prepares his himself. Good luck getting her to independence. :)

frazzledasarock · 19/05/2022 09:06

13 is quite old enough to make her own breakfast. If she wants a cooked breakfast she needs to sort it herself, egg and toast don’t take that long to do if she wants to.

I would knock on my DC’s bedroom door when I was up and they knew I’d be out the door by 7 so they needed to be ready by then. Or they’d make their own way to school.

can morning prayers be done any later/earlier? I pray at dawn earliest currently is 3:13 I get up to pray as soon as it’s prayer time and then go back to sleep again.

BackOnTheBandWagon · 19/05/2022 09:13

Once I was in year 8 (age 12) I took full responsibility for getting myself up and out the house. Alarm at 6:20, up at 6:30, I liked a long shower (which amazingly my parents never stopped me doing), and out the house for 7:35 to get the bus. It would never have occurred to me that my mum would wake me up.