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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Found drugs

30 replies

Selfishmaryann · 06/05/2022 13:08

So my 13yo told me recently that she has been smoking weed with her friends. I kept my cool and told her I was pleased she felt able to tell me but that is illegal and not a good thing. She suffers with anxiety and I told her it will make that worse.
She text me earlier to say not to let DH see a bag in her drawers (there is a reason why he’d be in there) I went and looked and there is a small amount of weed and some paraphernalia.
many advice on how to deal with this?? I don’t want to cut off lines of communication but feel she has crossed a line and I certainly don’t want her to feel she has my permission to do it.
Please help!

OP posts:
Wayfairtwo · 06/05/2022 14:10

Don't have much advice, bumping for you x

Original poster
Selfishmaryann · 06/05/2022 14:49

@Wayfairtwo thank you!

OP posts:
Bunty55 · 06/05/2022 14:57

Come down on her like a ton of bricks. Find activities for her to do out of school and get her away from her peer group who are clearly the wrong sort. Do anything to stop this from continuing. Smoking weed will ruin her school work and her personality will change and she will cause you no end of pain. Don't give her money to buy it and impose sanctions if she does.

HolyMoly22 · 06/05/2022 15:00

How has she got the money to buy it?

MintyMoocow · 06/05/2022 15:02

13 years old. I’d be bloody moving schools.
Where the hell is she getting the money?

CheshireCats · 06/05/2022 15:03

I would be telling her dad. He has a right to know what you know.

MolliciousIntent · 06/05/2022 15:05

I think you need to be firm with her. You don't need to come down on her like a tonne of bricks, but you do 100% need to stop this. Confiscate the weed. Seriously revisit the amount of money and freedom she has access to. Speak to the school and let them know what's going on. She's demonstrating to you that she's not yet mature enough to be making good choices for herself, and it's your job as her parent to protect her. Lay all this out for her. You're not punishing her. You're protecting her.

KangarooKenny · 06/05/2022 15:08

Absolutely agree with getting her away from her peers. Keep her busy and away from them.
Dispose of anything you find.
Do not give her money, lock away any valuables.
My DS started with anxiety due to smoking weed with his school mates. School were brilliant with him.

Coyoacan · 06/05/2022 15:14

Give her the information. At that age, I gave my dd all the information I had about drugs and let her decide.

Why do you not want her to use marijuana? It is addictive, for a start.

She also needs a truly spiritual element to her life, not that false door.

thingymaboob · 06/05/2022 15:17

It's a really hard situation. She's quite young isn't she? I think you'd approach it differently if she were 16 or so but 13 is too young. She's a child. I smoked a lot of weed when I was a teenager - my mum had checked out of the parenting game and didn't really care what I got up to. Luckily I was quite mature and sensible and I actually stopped smoking of my own accord and did very well at school and have done very well in life in general so it's not all doom and gloom. So have all the people I smoked with. It's normal to experiment. But I say again - she's 13!
But I understand you also don't want to alienate her either as that could make things worse and she will hide potentially more important issues from you in the future. If you cut off allowance and ground her she won't be able to smoke it. Maybe speak to the school as they might be able to bring in local drug counsellors / police as outreach if there's an issue at school.

Arthursmom · 06/05/2022 15:24

I've just lost my brother (35) to weed. The soft drug. Started at 16. Never escalated to harder drugs. Just 20 years of weed. Admittedly, a lot of it! He's left behind a 1 year old son, step daughter and partner. And, of course, us. No warning. Just died. Of course, the years before he was hard to be around as brain fried. I'd chat to her about the less talked about side effects of this drug x

Fifteentoes · 06/05/2022 22:17

13 years old. I’d be bloody moving schools.

Yes, to one of those many secondary schools where none of the children have access to drugs.

RedDiamond · 06/05/2022 22:22

She is under peer pressure. You MUST instil in her that she does not have to take it to fit in.

cleareyesfulhearts · 06/05/2022 22:24

Fifteentoes · 06/05/2022 22:17

13 years old. I’d be bloody moving schools.

Yes, to one of those many secondary schools where none of the children have access to drugs.

Indeed!

Fizzyfish · 06/05/2022 22:35

Arthursmom · 06/05/2022 15:24

I've just lost my brother (35) to weed. The soft drug. Started at 16. Never escalated to harder drugs. Just 20 years of weed. Admittedly, a lot of it! He's left behind a 1 year old son, step daughter and partner. And, of course, us. No warning. Just died. Of course, the years before he was hard to be around as brain fried. I'd chat to her about the less talked about side effects of this drug x

Sorry to hear this but what exactly
was his cause of death?

2bazookas · 06/05/2022 22:43

For someone with anxiety/MH issues, cannabis can induce more serious mental problems such as depression and psychosis. So DONT delude yourself (or her) that drugs is some minor teen issue they grow out of with no harm done; for some the longterm consequences are devastating. it's important your vulnerable girl stops using drugs.

www.rethink.org/Factsheets/9878/Cannabis%20and%20mental%20health%20factsheet

The fact she has told you she's using very likely means she secretly WANTS you to take charge of a situation she can't handle and make it go away. Don't let her down; sometimes it's best to display the Ogre Parent card for her friends to see.

par05 · 07/05/2022 01:35

Hi just posted on another thread about my ds who is 14, and he smoked weed for first time earlier this year, and has a girlfriend who does too and vapes and I would also come down on her and say its not acceptable stop her now, and involve her father,I fear for my ds he ran away today scared life out of me, I wish I had stopped him having gf as that has been the catalyst to his behaviour now he smokes weed I told him to stop he won't , he is uncontrollable atm he ran away today and just so disrespectful I don't know what to do anymore.

Bunty55 · 07/05/2022 01:37

Don't give him money to buy the weed and impose sanctions.

Ihatethenewlook · 07/05/2022 01:42

Fizzyfish · 06/05/2022 22:35

Sorry to hear this but what exactly
was his cause of death?

Show quote history

The head chef at my sisters restaurant committed suicide a few years ago. He had drug induced psychosis caused by smoking weed. He was the loveliest man I knew, never stopped taking about his girlfriend and his 1yo daughter. There’s no way he would have done this if he was in his right mind. Weed might not kill people directly, it’s still responsible for a lot of deaths though

par05 · 07/05/2022 01:44

His girlfriend supplies his weed and vapes, I've grounded him taken his phone of him told him he's not allowed to see her anymore, he's just gotten worse.

Bunty55 · 07/05/2022 01:49

It's bad enough dealing with teenagers at the best of times without the additional problems such as drinking alcohol and doing drugs.
Involve the girl's father.
I would stop his internet, and money, and try to get him into other activities away from the people who are influencing him and giving him drugs.

Fizzyfish · 07/05/2022 02:30

@Ihatethenewlook As a qualified professional with a lot of experience working in the mental health field, I would be the first person to say that a lot of people, especially those with serious mental health problems shouldn't smoke cannabis. However, I do feel it is irresponsible and incorrect to state that it is a direct cause of anyone's death.

Monty27 · 07/05/2022 02:43

Authority as a parent doesn't cut it in my experience. DS started about 14 it led to years of hell. Fucked up at school. I was working full time and he would be at the skate park smoking weed.
It was hell.
He's 26 now. He got a decent job and things are improving. It's so hard. It's been hell at times trying to keep a grip on him. I wish he hadn't done it and so does he.

Monty27 · 07/05/2022 02:47

OP I'm trying to say cut it to the quick. It'll only get worse. I'd be tempted to tell her dad. I was a single parent and almost failed him.

twoblueskies · 07/05/2022 06:37

What a horrible shock for you
Tell her you are really pleased she told you so you can have a calm mature conversation about it . But you can't approve of illegal activities snd you can't allow her to possess drugs and keep them in the house ( do you have other children ? Youngers ?) . Ad this will get the whole family in trouble .
I would let the school know and ask what drug awareness education they give . Where is she getting drugs from , someone in school ?

Talk calmly about your concern that drug use may affect her life in ways she doesn't know , ask her what she knows then give her info as you go along .

Tell her she's not in trouble because your proud she's told you
Tell her as her parent your job is to be there for her to talk to about these things and making sure she's safe is the most important job .

Let us know how you get on , it's not easy