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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Trouble at school

53 replies

motheru · 02/05/2022 23:49

Hello everyone! I am here to look for advise as I believe more heads are better than one when facing a problem. Here is a story:
My son is attending a A level school and recently had a basketball game with some kids from same school. At the end of the game he discovered one of his Apple AirPods was missing (he left it on court side under his clothes with his wallet and phone). Disappointed he went home but done research and realised he can track it through an app. So it lead him to a park where he saw the boy he played basketball with, same boy who offered to look for the piece with him after the game. He was having lunch with a girl. My son approached and asked if the boy had his piece and he said no, my son said as they are paired once he pressed the button it would ring and so by magic the other boys case magically starting ringing and inside one ear piece was making the sound. The boy passed the piece back to my son and asked my son 'so where is mine then?' Being emotionally upset due to the situation my son said how would I know and grabbed boys wallet and threw it in the river and walked off. The next day the boy found his earpiece (apparently he lost his too) and posted picture of them on social media that cleaners at the basketball place handed it to him. Next we know the boy complained to school claiming he picked my sons piece thinking it was his, and that his wallet is now gone. Following day my son said his reaction wasn't the right one really. The school made him apologise to the boy (fair enough) and gave my son hour of suspension which he is meant to sit tomorrow. I initially agreed he will attend it to hopefully dampen the situation as boys on the same team and I offered through impartial member of school to relay to boys mother I will happily replace the wallet my son damaged as I didn't really want this to go any further. I was given mothers email and emailed her my apology and offered to compensate for the wallet. The reply was.... the wallet and the contents was worth £1.5 K as it contained his Hong Kong Student Octopus card which was valid until end of 2023 and had £500 on it. She also charged me for any future expenses that arise as he won't be able to get that card replaced. Long story short after some research looks like the mom is telling porky pies about that card. Now I even doubt there was other things in that wallet she claims were in there. I have not responded to the mother but I have a plan of what to do next. First is told my son not to attend that detention as the other boy should be there as well. I have more in mind but would like to hear your comments and ideas of what you would do in this situation? Thank you

OP posts:

Cauliflowersqueeze · 03/05/2022 02:18

Your son 100% should attend the detention. How dare he throw someone’s wallet in a river.
Regarding the parent’s claims about the Octopus card, that’s ridiculous. Of course they can replace them. A simple check on google tells you that.

www.octopus.com.hk/en/consumer/customer-service/faq/customer-service/lost-octopus.html

Your son can pay the 70 dollars as a natural consequence. The rest will be on the card automatically.

Fizzyfish · 03/05/2022 03:40

Agree with the above post

yikesanotherbooboo · 03/05/2022 03:51

I agree with@Cauliflowersqueeze

Original poster

motheru · 03/05/2022 04:26

So my son has to sit the detention while the other boy who stole his things shouldn't? I believe they should both sit one and mine will one sit his of the other boy sits his. Yes fair enough my son overreacted but how about the person who caused that reaction? Why is the school not looking into that? Also, let's say if a girl was provoked to hit someone in response to another student pinching her bum, and was given a detention for that while the boy just went unpunished? Is that ok? The way I see it my son reacted to a provocation, it wasn't the best reaction but why does another party goes unpunished? Why are no questions asked of another boy? I told him after the incident it wasn't the right thing to do but I understand why he did it, I expected school to investigate the other boy and give him one as well. Instead my son is isolated and made feel all is his fault. I think he should only sit his detention once the other boy sits his once the school does a proper investigation into the situation that led to the incident

OP posts:

Original poster

motheru · 03/05/2022 04:32

Moreover it looks like stealing runs in the family. The mother is trying to rob me blind for £1500 and if you read about those cards the type she claims her son had he couldn't even have had as you have to be in full education in Honk Kong to be issued that card in the first place. So the whole it runs out in 2023 and charging me for future expenses and claiming she can't her money back is absolute rubbish so why should I believe anything else she put on that list that was in the wallet? Moreover why should I believe her son over mine and why should the school? Punish once student but not another who provoked the situation? Just doesn't sit right with me to be honest

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icklekid · 03/05/2022 04:38

How the school choose to punish for the misplacement/ stealing of the ear piece is not in your control. Your son had got his back and then they could have dealt with the other child. Instead he reacted by throwing away the wallet which was not replaceable. Regardless of what happens between you and the boys mum about compensation your son needs to face up the consequences of his actions. I imagine the school believe the other boy had lost his ear piece, found one on the floor and presumed it was his lost one. I can understand why they wouldn’t punish this as long as he gave it back when it was shown not to be his therefore he didn’t get a detention?

1mumm · 03/05/2022 04:41

Unless your son has this boy on CCTV stealing the earpiece or similar, there is no evidence to warrant punishment for the teammate. Your son's detention for destroying someone's property has fuck all to do with your unproven accusations of theft.

Original poster

motheru · 03/05/2022 04:43

The only way the boy could have gotten that ear piece is by opening my sons case. Which was under his clothes pile and physically removing it as my son says both were inside the case when they were starting to play. Moreover it came out that the other boy also lost his earpiece! The alL look identical. So if the boy claims he found it on the floor, while my son says it was in his case, then why it wouldn't occur to him to tell my son hey I found a pice and I thought it was mine but hold on you lost yours and it may be yours and not mine? We should check who's it is? Instead the boy kept quiet and my son had to track it to that boy via app on the same day?

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carefullycourageous · 03/05/2022 04:49

You have to separate the two things.

Your child did something wrong, he shouldn't have thrown the wallet. I think he should go to the detention to stay in the good books with school.

You don't have to pay for the made up costs.

Original poster

motheru · 03/05/2022 04:50

I am not saying my son doesn't deserve the detention but why should he sit one if the person who took his piece is not sitting his for stealing. I appreciate there is no cctv but you don't need to have one as all
Evidence points in one direction: instead of checking if the piece was yours you decided to keep it and keep quiet, hoping it's yours. That's if we to believe the other boy is telling the truth about finding it on the floor. But my son says no way he would have found one piece on the floor as both buds were inside his case so the boy would have had to open my sons case to take it which makes it a theft

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Original poster

motheru · 03/05/2022 04:53

I am separating the two things: my son done wrong and should sit the detention but the second part is why is the other boys story not being looked into? All they doing is punishing my son. The way I see it the other boy should sit detention at the same time as his explanation on how he got in possession of my sons property doesn't make any sence

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PinkSyCo · 03/05/2022 04:55

Well it could be that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, or it could be that the other lad found your son’s AirPod on the floor and assumed it was his. That can’t be proven, unlike the fact that your DS threw the lad’s wallet in the river in a fit of temper. Therefore your DS should go to his detention. I would be loathe to hand over any money at all as compensation for the wallet, after the boy’s mum trying to rip me off, though!

Original poster

motheru · 03/05/2022 05:04

I agree it's one word against another but also there is a fact of my sons reaction which wasn't a correct one. Even though I cannot prove it with CCTV the other boy still ended up with my sons piece and if we were to believe him that he found it just laying there by itself and believed it was his then why did he not tell my son that he found an ear piece and instead just kept quiet? The way I see it he chose to keep it and believe it was his instead of checking if it was his which can be easily done

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carefullycourageous · 03/05/2022 05:04

The best thing you can do is focus on your son and helping him with his impulsiveness/temper going forwards.

You seem a bit overinvested in the other boy - who is not your problem.

Original poster

motheru · 03/05/2022 05:05

The worst thing is there was even talk of them involving the police for criminal damage!

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Original poster

motheru · 03/05/2022 05:09

I think my son will definitely learn his lesson here, even he admitted it wasn't the right thing to do and apologised to the boy. I am invested in the other child because I believe his behaviour was not looked into properly, not enough questions were asked of him and now only my son is made look guilty while the other boy is just going unpunished

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carefullycourageous · 03/05/2022 05:16

motheru · 03/05/2022 05:05

The worst thing is there was even talk of them involving the police for criminal damage!

It was criminal damage.

Original poster

motheru · 03/05/2022 05:19

So what do we call another boys behaviour? He was just confused? He thought piece was his since he lost it as well and kept quiet when he found one that looks identical even though it may have not been his?

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carefullycourageous · 03/05/2022 05:27

As I said, you are obsessing about the other boy when you should be focused on your son. Your son should be your priority.

You are not helping your child IMO.

Rainbowqueeen · 03/05/2022 05:30

I didn’t think you could track air pods until they were in the case. And that if you do lose the case the “tracking” is simply that the case makes a loud beeping noise that you can hear approx 10 metres away. At least that’s how my AirPods work but they are a couple of years old.

are you sure your DS isn’t telling porkie pies about what led to him throwing the other boys wallet in the water??

Original poster

motheru · 03/05/2022 05:38

The only reason I keep bringing another boy into this is because I believe he was not really questioned enough by school as his story doesn't make sense. Let's say if my daughter tells me I slapped the boy at school because he groped me. Nobody saw it though but people saw me slapping him, the boy denies it. Should the girl be given detention for her reaction to alleged assault on her. And should the boy not be investigated and just walk off like nothing happened just because he wasn't caught on CCTV. So now how would that make my daughter feel? Yes it's not right to hit people so I should have just let him touch me up and now be punished for it too? While he goes unpunished? So in the future she should just let men do that and her just smile it off and let it slide? Yes slapping someone is not ok, throwing peoples wallet in river is not ok but where is another side of the story in all this? Why should that be ignored?

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CJsGoldfish · 03/05/2022 05:44

So my son has to sit the detention while the other boy who stole his things shouldn't?

There is absolutely no evidence that this boy 'stole' your sons airpod. Sounds like he thought it was his and when he realised it wasn't, he gave it straight back.

Your son is at fault OP. There is no getting around that and he needs to do his detention and you need to look into helping him with his anger issue.
I don't think the other parents would be wrong at all to involve the police.

SD1978 · 03/05/2022 05:47

The other boy lost an air pod. He as far as he was aware, found his air pod. Your son lost one (somehow) and didn't find his. Why would the other boy be obliged to tell your son he found, what you can only assume, was his property? The only 'fact' you have is your son had a strop after getting his property back and threw another kids wallet in a river. He needs to accept the punishment and you need to stop focusing on whether the other boy needs punishment or not. You know your son does.

PAFMO · 03/05/2022 05:48

You are focussing on something you have no control over, and nor should you. You have few facts and a lot of conjecture on your own part about the other family.

What the other boy said may have been true.
You'll never know.
You do know that your own son damaged another person's property. On purpose.

I do find it rather odd that the school has given a student a detention for something which appears to have taken place off school premises and not in school time. I don't imagine many schools have the time or resources to do that. Is the detention definitely for the incident of him damaging the wallet?

The compensation claim from the mother sounds excessive, though I suppose you have no idea how much cash, or how valuable itself the ruined wallet was.

Your analogy about sexual abuse is irrelevant and ridiculous.

Original poster

motheru · 03/05/2022 05:50

Rainbowqueeen · 03/05/2022 05:30

are you sure your DS isn’t telling porkie pies about what led to him throwing the other boys wallet in the water??

www.headphonesty.com/2021/07/find-my-airpods/

You can do using certain feature.
I do think my son is telling the truth as it's completely out of his character to act this way. He was never in fights at school though his school years, I was never called up for any behaviour like that or anything similar, and even though I have known him to tell lies I honestly don't think he would just throw someone's wallet in the river without a reason, he explained everything to me and I even offered to drive him to the location but since it was in the park I couldn't go with him so just waited in the car so when he came back and told me what happened I was honestly shocked he acted that way and told him it was excessive throwing his wallet in the river but at the same time I couldn't say I didn't understand why he did it as the same boy who offered to look for his piece earlier on and they never found it ended up having it... and I honestly tried to give the other child a benefit of a doubt of thinking of various scenarios on how he ended up in possession of the piece but I just cannot see his explanation I thought It was mine being the real one since he also lost one of his pieces

OP posts:

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