Page 2 | 15 year old lounging in bed all day evenings/weekends

redblonde · 2022-05-01T16:14:05+00:00

Hi there - I’ve just got frustrated with my 15 year old DD that at 4.30pm she’s still in her PJs and has done nothing but lounge in bed and watch stuff on her IPad. It seems to be all she does, comes home from school and gets into bed and watches the iPad. She says they haven’t got much homework at the moment so isn’t behind in that and to be fair she’s had good marks on her year 10 exams. Am I being too harsh on her? It’s not something I would ever have been allowed to do at her age but I know life is different now. I want her to be more proactive, to do some exercise, maybe help around the house. But when I try and suggest that we end up rowing. What are other teens getting up to at weekends?

Gwenhwyfar · 01/05/2022 18:10

Happierthanever91 · 01/05/2022 17:59

I never understand why this bothers people. What harm is she causing anyone? I used to always be like this in my free time after school ect because it was my free time and I wanted to spend it winding down.

My dgm was against lie ins and a few decades ago there was a bit of a stigma about having the curtains closed in the afternoon, a bit 'protestant work ethic' I think.
I didn't realise people still felt like this.

Springandsummerarecoming · 01/05/2022 18:14

My 13 year old has done the same toda although a mixture of phone in bed or on the Xbox. . I don’t mind too much but don’t like the constant screens. Still, he played football yesterday and we’re out all day tomorrow so it’s not so bad really.

pooktline · 01/05/2022 18:21

_nellie_ · 01/05/2022 18:09

@pooktline lots of parents aren't willing to fund this lifestyle, mine certainly weren't.

Also OP idea of proactivity is helping around the house, I can imaging this is causing arguments.

I was hardly finding an extravagant lifestyle.

Goatinthegarden · 01/05/2022 18:24

The only 15 year old I know is my nephew. He is always out, playing football in the park with his mates, crowding into bedrooms of other mates. He plays sport and goes to the gym too. If he has the funds, shopping or cinema or Nando’s, etc. I was the same at 15 (except it was Chinese buffet or the Ice Rink disco in my day).

I’m a bit bemused by adults saying they’re still in jammies at 5pm. I might lounge about in bed drinking coffee until 9 or so at the weekend (no kids) but then I’d have to get showered and dressed for the day and find something to do, even if it was at pottering speed. Life is too short to waste a day in jammies.

stimpyyouidiot · 01/05/2022 18:28

I absolutely did this at 15. I remember having days off school for inset days or something or other and my mum would come back from work (I'd hear her pull on the driveway) and I'd think shit!! And get out of bed and put the washing out like I'd said I'd do

JulesRimetStillGleaming · 01/05/2022 18:29

Goatinthegarden · 01/05/2022 18:24

The only 15 year old I know is my nephew. He is always out, playing football in the park with his mates, crowding into bedrooms of other mates. He plays sport and goes to the gym too. If he has the funds, shopping or cinema or Nando’s, etc. I was the same at 15 (except it was Chinese buffet or the Ice Rink disco in my day).

I’m a bit bemused by adults saying they’re still in jammies at 5pm. I might lounge about in bed drinking coffee until 9 or so at the weekend (no kids) but then I’d have to get showered and dressed for the day and find something to do, even if it was at pottering speed. Life is too short to waste a day in jammies.

Have all my biscuits

ChazzaGirl · 01/05/2022 18:35

Goatinthegarden · 01/05/2022 18:24

The only 15 year old I know is my nephew. He is always out, playing football in the park with his mates, crowding into bedrooms of other mates. He plays sport and goes to the gym too. If he has the funds, shopping or cinema or Nando’s, etc. I was the same at 15 (except it was Chinese buffet or the Ice Rink disco in my day).

I’m a bit bemused by adults saying they’re still in jammies at 5pm. I might lounge about in bed drinking coffee until 9 or so at the weekend (no kids) but then I’d have to get showered and dressed for the day and find something to do, even if it was at pottering speed. Life is too short to waste a day in jammies.

How is day in jammies a waste? It’s a day relaxing and recharging your batteries.

Butterfly44 · 01/05/2022 18:39

This is sooo normal
It'll all ramp up next year in Year 11 so I'd let her lounge as likes. It only gets harder!

rahjama · 01/05/2022 18:39

Leave her alone. Most teenagers are like this. Be thankful that she's in her bed being lazy and not in some dodgy back alley taking drugs all day long or getting pissed in fields and coming home at god knows what time.

ToooOldForThis · 01/05/2022 18:40

I am a bit like the poster who needs to be up and about...14 year old dd completely the opposite! However she's doing fine at school, has a pt job a few hours a week and does tend to do late afternoons evenings with her friends, aimless walking seems to be the main activity. So I just have to force myself to ignore the sleeping till noon!
She will join a family day out,which we can't do often because of work.
I spent all day Sunday like that at her age but it was because I generally had a raging hangover, so I'm just glad she's not drinking yet!

ouch321 · 01/05/2022 18:46

YABU

Favouritefruits · 01/05/2022 19:15

It’s the last year or so she’ll ever be able to lounge around before she retires, I’d let her indulge!

weegiemum · 01/05/2022 19:41

My 2 still at home chill like this when no college or work to go to, they're 18 and 20. Not strictly weekends as ds works shifts and dd often has work on a Saturday or Sunday, but doesn't have college Mon/Tues.

I insist that they do their fair share of chores after they wake up - dishwasher, laundry, putting away groceries, nothing harsh but I'm disabled and need some help. We eat together in the evening.

Other than that they can relax how they like at the weekend. Evenings now they're often out with friends (now they can buy alcohol and go to clubs!) but there's a good amount of gaming and watching tv, with or without boyfriend/girlfriend. They can't have anyone here if their room isn't presentable, which can take up a bit of time! Dd2 often visits dd1 who is about 15 mins on the bus away.

I think as long as they're taking part in a certain amount of home life, they can do what the want the next time.

Tinkerblonde1 · 01/05/2022 19:55

pooktline · 01/05/2022 17:52

Mine was always out with her friends at 15

This is mine. I feel like I never see her on her own.

Tinkerblonde1 · 01/05/2022 20:01

pooktline · 01/05/2022 18:02

Honestly think what is the alternative, I know mine was either house work that was always cleaning up after my brother/ parents or watching their tv programs in the living room with them of which I didn't want to do either.

What's the alternative?

Mine got the train into town most Saturdays with friends, wandered round the shops and went for lunch. On Sundays they either went swimming or sometimes to the cinema but those needed a lift from a parent (we all did our share). Even during the week after tea they would meet up - down at the skate park or beach in summer and usually someone's house in the winter.

It's a sad situation when the only alternative you can imagine is clearing up or watching TV

See my issue is the other way. None of them eat tea as they all want to be out straight from school until 8pm so they end up eating rubbish from the shop.

Its hard to get a happy medium. Who was it that said raising teenagers is harder than ever?

Tinkerblonde1 · 01/05/2022 20:07

Goatinthegarden · 01/05/2022 18:24

The only 15 year old I know is my nephew. He is always out, playing football in the park with his mates, crowding into bedrooms of other mates. He plays sport and goes to the gym too. If he has the funds, shopping or cinema or Nando’s, etc. I was the same at 15 (except it was Chinese buffet or the Ice Rink disco in my day).

I’m a bit bemused by adults saying they’re still in jammies at 5pm. I might lounge about in bed drinking coffee until 9 or so at the weekend (no kids) but then I’d have to get showered and dressed for the day and find something to do, even if it was at pottering speed. Life is too short to waste a day in jammies.

But why if this is what you enjoy doing?

sickofthisnonsense · 01/05/2022 20:12

Are you in my house Op??

My 15 yr old is apparently 'recharging her social battery' which basically means being a sloth all day.

I let them have one day of being I. Their rooms all day and then will get them out and about.
We paddleboard, go to the cinema, make a cake or something sweet. Failing that will watch a movie together.

CatsOperatingInGangs · 01/05/2022 20:13

My 15yo is like this but she does have football on a Saturday that does help get her up and out. I’ve also encouraged her to get a job which she starts soon as I can be doing with her staying in bed for the summer holidays when I’m at work. We do try and do a family activity at weekends which also helps. If left without intervention, she’ll just stay in bed on her phone.

In the kids defence, you have to remember they do not need to leave their room to talk to their friends anymore. In my day the family phone was in the living room and you had to actually leave the house to talk to to your friends. It’s not the same now.

User48751490 · 01/05/2022 20:14

DS (15) has to walk the dog after school and at weekends. He has to be up early on Saturdays as he practises a sport at 9am. He doesn't get the option to lie in unless he is unwell. Very rarely does he lounge around tbh.

User48751490 · 01/05/2022 20:15

DS also has to occasionally help with errands, or help with his younger siblings too. He is kept busy!

User48751490 · 01/05/2022 20:22

pooktline · 01/05/2022 18:02

Honestly think what is the alternative, I know mine was either house work that was always cleaning up after my brother/ parents or watching their tv programs in the living room with them of which I didn't want to do either.

What's the alternative?

Mine got the train into town most Saturdays with friends, wandered round the shops and went for lunch. On Sundays they either went swimming or sometimes to the cinema but those needed a lift from a parent (we all did our share). Even during the week after tea they would meet up - down at the skate park or beach in summer and usually someone's house in the winter.

It's a sad situation when the only alternative you can imagine is clearing up or watching TV

I agree with you here. My lot are always busy. DS can have access to his PC on the condition he is productive around the house.

At weekends we have younger children who have activities on too. DS (15) had to occasionally dog sit then.

He also helps carry in bags of food shopping. Do recycling etc.

Soon he will be up early at weekends to paint fences etc. There's always a job to do.

JoeGoldberg · 01/05/2022 20:26

Sounds like a fairly standard 15yo. In fact that's what I do when I have nothing else to do either!

Original poster

redblonde · 01/05/2022 20:45

Thanks all - it seems I might BU! I tend to be doing stuff in the day so it frustrates me when she doesn’t. But I recognise it’s probably my issue.

OP posts:

paddingtonstares · 01/05/2022 21:00

I think this is the result of a not allowing DC independence in the same way as previous generations.
I know DB and I didn't lay around in bed. We were up, out bike riding, going into town on buses, I might have gone to the library, brought books home and relaxed reading for a couple of hours though. Laying in bed was a no, no regardless.(1980s teens) My own DC didn't stay in bed either.(2010's teens) Not a case of 'not allowed' but their choice. I don't think its 'standard' of teenagers but a consequence of modern lifestyles./expectations/restrictions on teenagers.

JoeGoldberg · 01/05/2022 21:06

@paddingtonstares I disagree. My teens have plenty of independence, but when they've had a busy week of school/extra curriculars and socialising they're absolutely allowed to spend the weekend however they like, and if that means they want to lay around all weekend when they don't have plans then that's fine. And I know that's standard for all their friends too.