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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

What do you do with your lazy teen?

40 replies

busybeeee222 · 11/04/2022 12:01

My dd is nearly 15, she loves staying at home, she will play on her playstation or ipad, or if i take them away will be happy watching TV all day long.

It's the holidays and I'm asking her to go out and do something fun (while I have time as I have to work). She doesn't want to do anything. I feel like alot of teenagers do this and it is very unhealthy. If I was living this way I would be worried I am depressed (I'm not concerned dd is depressed, but I am concerned she is very lazy).

She met up with friends one day and she is happy to do that but wont do anything else.

She wouldn't mind if I just went out and left her home alone all day but I feel bad leaving her.

Any ideas?

OP posts:
Easterisoffeggstooexpensive · 11/04/2022 12:05

I found the perfect way to entice my 4 teens from their rooms recently..

Never would I have thought they would play nicely, bond amazingly and laugh together...
Second hand pool table!
Absolutely the best - in my decades of being a dm - 15 quid I have ever spent...
Now I need to practice as they can all thrash me.

MrsBDarcey · 11/04/2022 12:13

Oh to have the space for a pool table
I need it as my teen is currently sitting in the front seat of the car (I'm in the back and fuming ) and so so unhappy about being forced into a holiday cottage !

MissyB1 · 11/04/2022 12:16

It's tricky for me only having one. I've signed him up to a couple of days football camp this week, he's not very enthusiatic because none of his friends are going, but he's a confident lad so he will be ok.

If I dont specifically arrange activities he will slump on his bed under a blanket, looking at his phone all day - iit's defintely not healthy!

Easterisoffeggstooexpensive · 11/04/2022 12:26

It is a small one. Seeing a 6'1 teen bent over adds to the fun!!. Have packed 3 off to a local snooker hall.
My day off is now very appealing!

Original poster
busybeeee222 · 11/04/2022 12:54

@Easterisoffeggstooexpensive - that sounds like fun, I wouldn't have space for a pool table but I would love one Smile

@MrsBDarcey - why are you being forced into a holiday cottage?

@MissyB1 - I also have one one, it is just me and dd, I think that makes it worse when they don't want to do anything as you feel awful that they are not doing enough or interacting enough.

OP posts:
JuliaSways · 11/04/2022 14:11

I've got two 18 year old girls (birth and step daughters), a 16 year old SS and a younger child.

18yo are out of the lazy stage, 16 yo would happily sit in his pit all day.

My advice :

  1. let them chill, school is hard and it's the holidays - they don't need to be doing something every day.

  2. on your day off, don't ask just do. If you ask what they want to do you'll get "dunno", if you give them options you'll get "s'boring", so you say "be ready for 11 we're going out to X. They'll moan but that's what teens do!

Nothing you do will be good enough, they are busy being totally concerned with themselves and their little social bubble (even if that just involves them sitting in their room on their phone) - us parents are just an annoying distraction.

Good luck, stay strong, drink wine/eat chocolate or what ever else gets you through.

Easterisoffeggstooexpensive · 11/04/2022 14:14

My youngest teen is currently awaiting ASD assessments and is struggling all round... Just heard he has beaten his older db's at pool at the club!! What a great day!

timestheyarechanging · 11/04/2022 14:51

Mine is 17. Hes out all of the time with his friends and girlfriend. They go to the gym, to a friends house (whose parents are at work), go into town and eat out for lunch or dinner.
He does play on his PlayStation (ridiculously late) but prefers to be out now. He's gone into town today (London, south bank) with his friends. He's got money for waggamumma

alwaysthinkingaboutfood31 · 11/04/2022 15:01

This is such a tricky one because as an adult I can't abide teenage laziness...but also, I definitely was a lazy teen! I remember spending days and days inside playing on my laptop or watching tv during the holidays (although I was definitely happy to do activities with friends and family). I think that as long as you offer kids a few opportunities to go out for the day/meet up with friends etc, then don't stress if they choose to spend their downtime vegging out.

dollyblack · 11/04/2022 15:08

I have a rule which has developed over the years. If they want to do something, great, otherwise I say what I'm doing and if they want to join me, great but I refuse to have people along who don't want to be there.

Laziness isn't really a thing, if they don't feel like doing something that is fine, if they are enjoying what they are doing that doesn't count as "Wasting the day". Its the holidays, fine to chill out.

WeeMadArthur1 · 11/04/2022 15:17

Same here - I have two (13 and 15) and they've both spent all day in their rooms so far while I work. One has been invited to a friend's but didn't want to go, so I've just resigned myself to letting them fester. Although I do occasionally give them jobs to do like bringing me tea or putting the washing out (which they do while moaning).

Agree with PP that if I have the day off and tell them we're off somewhere, they will come and usually enjoy it, but left to their own devices they will literally spend the day on their devices.

Felic23 · 11/04/2022 16:56

My Son is the same. He loves when I go to work as he gets to be glued to a gadget without any nagging. I think its really bad for him, he doesn't care. I try to get him to plan stuff which he does occasionally. Very hard, dreading the summer holiday!

MummaJodie94 · 11/04/2022 20:57

This reply has been deleted

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cakedelights · 13/04/2022 16:59

Am considering disconnecting the internet for a week ! Grin

TwigTheWonderKid · 13/04/2022 17:20

16 & 13 yo DSs also similar. Whilst I understand it's what they like doing I do also worry that tech in its various forms is such a passive, easy form of entertainment that they do get stuck in a rut to the exclusion of other stuff. I've not been well lately and have found myself sucked in to endless episodes of Netflix. If I didn't have to work, do housework and if all my friends were also online I can see how it might be easy to spend an entire day on MN or FB. So I do think it's important to try and get them to do something else - there's such a big world out there and I don't think it does much for their independence or social or problem solving skills to be stuck at home the whole time or engaged in just one activity to the exclusion of everything else.

mamaduckbone · 13/04/2022 18:32

I would agree with a pp that sometimes
you just have to tell them what they're doing. If you ask them what they want to do they will always say nothing. We fell into that trap at February half term and it was pretty miserable for everyone.

We've just had a couple of days in the Peak District with 16yo and nearly 13yo ds. There was a fair bit of grumbling from ds1 when we booked it, but then the day before he decided he was actually quite looking forward to it and he's been reasonably pleasant. If I'd asked him if he wanted to come he would absolutely have said no. Sometimes they just need to get out of their bubble.

Also, I find offering food tempts them out of their pits...so taking them out for lunch with a stealthy walk thrown in.

When they're in the house or when you're working, not so easy.

LetitiaLeghorn · 13/04/2022 18:38

I was exactly like your daughter. I used to love to read on my bed. But my mum used to come in and tell me to go outside for fresh air. So I used to take my book outside and read on the sun lounger. Looking back I'm amazed at my mums patience with my laziness! I had lots of friends, I just enjoyed my own company and I've gown up fine. Albeit still a bit lazy! 😉

bendmeoverbackwards · 14/04/2022 07:29

I wouldn’t use the term lazy even if not in their presence.

Teens are mentally and physically exhausted, they NEED a lot of down time. School, pressure of exams, friendship issues, relationship issues, plus the issue of social media these days.

We make our teens get up early to be in school completely against their natural body clock. I’m not surprised they need to chill in the holidays.

OP how is she doing at school?

Encourage her to make a few more social plans, offer to take her out for a coffee/lunch/cinema but don’t nag her too much.

sauvignonblancplz · 14/04/2022 07:43

I wouldn’t mind if mine were reading in bed but it’s being glued to their consoles. It’s not healthy.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with saying you’re being lazy and it’s not heathy!
Sick of entitled teens, snowflakes.

bendmeoverbackwards · 14/04/2022 07:49

Using the terms lazy or snowflake is hardly going to encourage them to spend time with you is it?

You need a huge amount of patience and understanding to parent teens. My older 2 are 20 and 19 and so much better now, if I ask them to be ready at a certain time they will. Youngest is 15 and it’s a battle to get her to go anywhere but it’s not the end of the world.

2DogsOnMySofa · 14/04/2022 07:49

I have 1 teen, I spent years encouraging her to try things, she's done ballet, dance, gymnastics, swimming, brownies, trampolining and horse riding. Of course the one she took to and wanted to continue was horse riding, she's started to get really good at it, and will now spend time at the stables just 'helping out'. She's even made some friends (shock horror) It's taking up all of my spare cash (and then some) but it's worth it to get her off her phone and out of her room

sauvignonblancplz · 14/04/2022 07:54

I think you’re presuming my kids don’t want to spend time with me @bendmeoverbackwards that’s not the case .

I agree with some of your sentiments , teens are tired etc but I’m not going to appease them either if trying to gently to get them to be healthier isn’t working .

Frank and honest conversations shouldn’t be shied away from. Teenagers at the age of 15+ are going to be going to work etc soon and those that can’t cope with the reality of the world are often those who have been appeased and mollycoddled.

If the teen is being entitled, rude and lazy despite attempts from a loving parent , a Frank honest conversation about their behaviour is require. Otherwise they will be blissfully unaware of what a horrid person they are being.

User48751490 · 14/04/2022 07:56

14yo DS can't use his PC whilst DH is working from home during the weekdays as his PC is in same room. So ...DS does recycling, does dog walking, goes to park to meet a friend, he comes with us to help at the supermarket etc. Picks up dog poo.

I have loads of jobs for him. He is never bored, really. I don't agree with them being glued to screens all the time. He has three younger siblings so helps out with them from time to time too if we go on an outing during the holidays.

He doesn't get to spend all his free time doing what he wants.

User48751490 · 14/04/2022 08:00

As for hobbies/activities, he is looking to try a new sport soon so I have made contact with the club and set a trial for him as he has given up on a martial art class he has done for seven years and we said he has to do one sport each week minimum. He is not sitting at a PC for long periods of time letting his muscles waste away.

bendmeoverbackwards · 14/04/2022 08:04

@sauvignonblancplz but we’re not talking about entitled behaviour here, that’s a different issue. Nothing wrong with teens wanting to chill in the holidays. It’s not the healthiest way to live but it’s not for ever.