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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

What do you do with your lazy teen?

40 replies

busybeeee222 · 11/04/2022 12:01

My dd is nearly 15, she loves staying at home, she will play on her playstation or ipad, or if i take them away will be happy watching TV all day long.

It's the holidays and I'm asking her to go out and do something fun (while I have time as I have to work). She doesn't want to do anything. I feel like alot of teenagers do this and it is very unhealthy. If I was living this way I would be worried I am depressed (I'm not concerned dd is depressed, but I am concerned she is very lazy).

She met up with friends one day and she is happy to do that but wont do anything else.

She wouldn't mind if I just went out and left her home alone all day but I feel bad leaving her.

Any ideas?

OP posts:

Silkierabbit · 14/04/2022 08:04

DS (15 and ASD) is quite hard to move from the sofa other than feeding his chickens and rabbit, its anxiety in his case from lockdown still.

Difficult as I am doing chemotherapy at the moment but I have a week off due to side effects and we are taking him to hotels for 3 nights, meals, a rib boat trip and a canoe trip and he seems happy about that.

DD (16) is the opposite and very active - this Easter she has gone to Paris for a week by herself staying with French MIL, been out on walks in the forest / lake, to museums, meals there, speaking French and meeting up with friends of the family. Here she is out with two sets of friends today, been out with her boyfriend, been to gym a few times, been down to London for a day with a friend seeing the sights and hopefully she has done some GCSE revision amidst all that.

familyissues12345 · 14/04/2022 08:08

My youngest (13) is like this, spends most of his day in his room. He's a very introverted character and that's his happy place. It's taken me a while to get my head around that, as I was worried he was getting himself a little depressed.
It doesn't help that his brother (18) has always been the social butterfly, always has plans etc.

I leave DS2 be now, he finds a lot of things stressful (particularly school) so needs this downtime. He loves to eat, so I plan a few food based activities over the holidays to get him out of his pit...

sauvignonblancplz · 14/04/2022 08:09

Quite a few posters have mentioned their teens moaning at any plans they have made and making the trip unpleasant, that’s entitled and rude as well as lazy. It’s part of the same problem.

OctopusSay · 14/04/2022 08:13

I more or less left them to it, but if they had a full day with nothing at all planned, I would leave them a household task to do.

My two DSs have details instructions for cleaning e.g. the bathroom saved on their phones. That was 10 mins incredibly well spent. Or I might send them to the shop to buy the dinner they're going to prepare for that evening. Sometimes I'd ask them to check in on GPs or post a letter. Just something to get them out of the chair for a short while.

springsmiles · 14/04/2022 08:16

I have a teen and younger ones still on primary.

I try and be relaxed about letting them chill and have days of sitting in front of the screen. But we have regular family days, especially in the holidays where we all go out together no choice. So next week I have already told them we are going to a near by city tourist attraction, safari park, and visiting a national trust place and maybe a forest walk. This week they can do what ever they want as I'm working.

My teen might moan but once he's out he's fine. I was 'forced' to do family things as a teen, and now looking back on or I am so glad I had those experiences.

bendmeoverbackwards · 14/04/2022 08:19

@sauvignonblancplz

Quite a few posters have mentioned their teens moaning at any plans they have made and making the trip unpleasant, that’s entitled and rude as well as lazy. It’s part of the same problem.

Agreed but maybe they moan because they didn’t want to be there in the first place. Teens are SUPPOSED to be growing away from their parents and develop independence and I think by mid teens they can choose how to spend their free time without being hassled to attend family outings. It will just cause resentment all round.

axolotlfloof · 14/04/2022 08:21

@User48751490

As for hobbies/activities, he is looking to try a new sport soon so I have made contact with the club and set a trial for him as he has given up on a martial art class he has done for seven years and we said he has to do one sport each week minimum. He is not sitting at a PC for long periods of time letting his muscles waste away.

I think there's plenty of time for both. DS cycles 5 miles each way to school. Goes to the gym about 2 nights a week, and plays football. If he wants to chill in the holidays that's fine.

sauvignonblancplz · 14/04/2022 08:22

@bendmeoverbackwards yeah I agree with you there 100%.
I think myself and many others though are aware that potentially consoles & other tech are quite addictive and very easy to be lost in and it’s trying to be clear that it’s not a healthy outlet, can lead to depression and addiction.
Being bored and finding healthier ways to spend their time would be so much easier !!!

I would happily leave mine to navigate boredom but the thought of them spending days and days in front of a screen seems a very worrying risk to take.

User48751490 · 14/04/2022 08:43

axolotlfoof he walks to school and back every day. Two miles each way. His choice (even though he has a bus pass he could use).

User48751490 · 14/04/2022 08:45

Yes he gets to use PC in the evenings, we don't mind and do agree all teens need down time. I just don't agree with him using a PC constantly with no other activity during the day.

DancingChairs · 14/04/2022 09:16

I've changed the WiFi password. Now she goes to the library a LOT.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 14/04/2022 09:17

What did you do at that age in the school holidays?

Phewthemutinyworked · 14/04/2022 09:22

Give her a break . There are many reasons why school holidays exist ….for a break ! Leave her to chill as long as she is happy.
My middle son was like this whilst doing GCSE and he was just generally knackered.
They spend all day, every day interacting during term time and do just need time out !

MissyB1 · 14/04/2022 09:23

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

What did you do at that age in the school holidays?

I used to cycle to friends houses, we would listen to music or go into town, maybe go swimming, roller skate in the park. I loved reading so would often go to the library.

crimsonlake · 14/04/2022 10:08

When they become teens the majority stop wanting to go on days out so much with parents, I know mine wanted to see friends instead or just chill. I think you have to accept they are gradually moving away from you. As long as they doing well academically, are happy and have friends you eventually have to leave them to it.
When I was a child there was not this pressure to fill their children's time with activities and once I was 15 I certainly did not want to hang out with my mother, friends became more important.

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