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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Fussy teen eater. Do you provide a different meal?

68 replies

C1nders · 27/03/2022 04:27

So my 14 year old ds is very vocal when he doesn’t like a meal. Drives me mad. Last night Dad cooked him fresh pasta and sauce as an alternative from the fridge. Didn’t even tell him how to do it. Perfectly nice Hello Fresh filo pie. Your reaction?

OP posts:

Finfintytint · 27/03/2022 04:42

At 14 he can cook himself an alternative.

Blossom64265 · 27/03/2022 04:48

Yes, I make my young teen separate meals. I have two goals, get enough calories into her to keep her healthy and not turning food into a battle so that she doesn’t develop a full blown eating disorder. I will sometimes ask her to make herself something, but I have to be careful that it is not a punishment or penalty for not being able to eat the offered meal. We have been dealing with her food aversions since she was a baby. She is well aware of her problems with food and doesn’t need us making a big deal about it on a daily basis.

Original poster

C1nders · 27/03/2022 04:58

That’s my reaction…

OP posts:

Weenurse · 27/03/2022 05:18

Always had fruit, eggs, bread etc so they could have something else, but they were responsible for cooking and cleaning up after themselves

Darbs76 · 27/03/2022 08:08

My DD is 14 and is very fussy, in the last 3 months she’s started to learn to cook. I now just get the basic ingredients she needs with the shopping delivery and she cooks what she fancies. She’s been eating much better, fresh chicken most days and she is learning some essential life skills too

ApolloandDaphne · 27/03/2022 08:18

At 14 I would suggest they start cooking for themselves. It's a great life skill to have anyway.

ditavonteesed · 27/03/2022 08:27

My teen has an alternative meal but she cooks it herself.

Hooveslikejagger · 27/03/2022 08:28

Yes, I do. I don’t want my kids having to eat food they don’t like. One is quite fussy. I just give them a healthy balanced meal they like and overlook the hassle.

As a child I was made to eat food I really did not like, to the point I gagged on it and can’t abide the smell of certain foods. It had a huge affect on my relationship with food, weight and eating, and still does decades later.
Eating disorders are incredibly difficult to deal with and come back from. I believe they are with you for life, sometimes in the foreground and sometimes in the background, but always lurking.
I don’t want that for my kids.

AccidentalMindFuck · 27/03/2022 08:29

If he doesn’t like what you’ve cooked he goes hungry! No alternatives provided. He’ll soon eat it.

MWNA · 27/03/2022 08:36

@AccidentalMindFuck

If he doesn’t like what you’ve cooked he goes hungry! No alternatives provided. He’ll soon eat it.

Christ. 😥

Hooveslikejagger · 27/03/2022 08:40

@AccidentalMindFuck

If he doesn’t like what you’ve cooked he goes hungry! No alternatives provided. He’ll soon eat it.

And this is what I had to deal with as a child. Didn’t do me any favours at all.

FlipFlops4Me · 27/03/2022 08:42

We just said he could eat what was being cooked, if he didn't like it he could cook for himself with anything he wanted to use. (He was a reasonable cook from about 14, and could certainly fix himself a proper hot meal at that age).

Weekend breakfasts were cooked - DS could choose his own and DH cooked it.

EventuallyDelighted · 27/03/2022 08:44

They get their own. When they were younger I would adapt meals or even cooked separately for them if needed. I tried "they'll eat it if they are hungry" and realised that they wouldn't and it was just making negative associations with food and probably leading us into eating disorder territory. The priority for us is for everyone to have food that they enjoy and an overall balanced diet.

Porcupineintherough · 27/03/2022 08:45

I provide food at lunchtime and again in the evening. If they dont like it, or want additional meals, then they need to eat leftovers or prepare their own. Mine are 14 and 16.

FlipFlops4Me · 27/03/2022 08:45

When I was young DM cooked one meal that we all ate. She said we could leave any portion we didn't like but that wouldn't get us more of the bits we did like. We were welcome to have extra bread and butter with the meal and a piece of fruit afterwards.

SFisnotsimple · 27/03/2022 08:46

I've always refused to cook separate meals so if my teens don't like what's being offered they make themselves something else quick (usually involving eggs so it's quick).

That's not usual though as after 18 years of cooking for them I've a pretty good idea of what they both like! There are some things obviously one may like more than the other, and in those meals I will add in perhaps some extra salads/carbs so the one that's not that keen just has a bit and fills up on the rest.

turkeyboots · 27/03/2022 08:50

I won't cook extra meals, but I don't cook anything I know they won't eat either. And tend to make meat, veg, carb meals, so the picky can eat what they like and leave other parts. That's hard to do with a pie or pasta dish.

sashh · 27/03/2022 08:53

@AccidentalMindFuck

If he doesn’t like what you’ve cooked he goes hungry! No alternatives provided. He’ll soon eat it.

Said no one with a truly fussy child.

OP do you meal plan? If so get him involved with the planning. If there is a meal on the plan he detests but you and DH love then I would cook him a different meal.

I'd also be encouraging him to cook not just for himself but for the family, not always but once a month maybe.

DalarnaHorses · 27/03/2022 08:54

I was made to sit in front of food until I ate it. Horrible memories of crying so much that I couldn't swallow, used to hide food, or try and force it down the kitchen plughole, wrap in tissue and flush. On a good day the dog was in the kitchen with me. Now as an adult there are lots of foods I can't stomach.

Swore I'd never do the same to my child and I haven't. Now she's older she cooks herself something.

Flatandhappy · 27/03/2022 08:54

I think by age 14 you would have a pretty good idea if there is something a kid absolutely detests or can’t eat so I am assuming you would try and avoid. Other than that kid eats what is on offer or sorts themselves out, 14 is a good age to learn how to cook basic meals. This idea that you can have exactly what you fancy for every meal regardless of everyone else seems to be more and more common but somewhat ridiculous and impractical for most families. If people are prepared to cook different things for everyone then go for your life but please don’t think you are somehow morally superior.

starrynight21 · 27/03/2022 08:55

My son is an adult now, but he would only eat about 4 different things , all his life. When he was growing up I just made those 4 things , in bulk, and froze portions for him. Each mealtime I'd cook for the rest of the family, and just defrost one of his meals for him. It wasn't a big chore for me , and he was always happy with his meals.

VashtaNerada · 27/03/2022 08:57

I do. Mine has been fussy her entire life and I’ve tried bribery, punishments, giving nothing else until she’s eaten, and none of that works. It’s simply not true that they’ll “eat when they’re hungry”. I praise her for trying new foods but ultimately don’t force her.

Cloverforever · 27/03/2022 08:59

@AccidentalMindFuck

If he doesn’t like what you’ve cooked he goes hungry! No alternatives provided. He’ll soon eat it.

I sincerely hope you don't have children!

IAmSantaOhYesIAm · 27/03/2022 08:59

Get him to write a weekly meal plan. Cook the food you know he likes for all the family. Get him involved in the preparation and the cooking.
Acknowledge that there are foods he doesn’t like but explain that it’s difficult to cook separate meals each day.
I have a fussy ds15 - today we as having roast chicken and all the traditional items that go with a roast, it’s his least favourite meal but he’ll have some parts.

lunar1 · 27/03/2022 08:59

I batch cook and freeze food so there is always something easily available that everyone likes if they aren't keen on the meal if the day. The boys help with the cooking so they do their bit.

I can't imagine putting food in front of anyone knowing they didn't like it.

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