Fussy teen eater. Do you provide a different meal?

[C1nders]

So my 14 year old ds is very vocal when he doesn’t like a meal. Drives me mad. Last night Dad cooked him fresh pasta and sauce as an alternative from the fridge. Didn’t even tell him how to do it. Perfectly nice Hello Fresh filo pie. Your reaction?

I’d adapt but would never cook two completely different meals. I tried to cook things that everyone liked or could just add a different element easily. Eg a piece of cod instead of the salmon the rest of us were eating.

It did mean that some meals we’d only have if the kid who didn’t like it, was out for the day.

Is 'being very vocal' being rude?

Because I'd address that very differently to the 'not liking' the meal...

@fromagreatheight

Is 'being very vocal' being rude?

Because I'd address that very differently to the 'not liking' the meal...

Being very vocal about how you don’t like the food is unlikely to anything other than rude. Is it?

@GahAndTheBear I'd expect so, but didn't want to assume.

If he's got developmental stuff going on or is nonverbal, that's a different matter – or if his 'dislike' is actually severe enough to spark panic...so I prefer to ask.

You’d assume that an op would remember to mention that their 14 year old had SN of that sort. It would be extremely relevant to whether it’s reasonable to expect anything food-related from him. Same if he had ARFID.

@GahAndTheBear you might assume.

As I made clear in my previous post, I chose NOT to assume. I asked instead. Is that ok with you?

@AccidentalMindFuck your ignorance is dangerous!

I see no issue at all in what his dad did. I would always provide alternatives.

Yes, I’d offer a different meal. Not everyone likes the same foods. If I knew they wouldn’t have liked it, I’d have just made a separate meal to start with. We often make a couple of different meals for dinner, sometimes more due to an allergy and dietary preferences anyway.

You didn’t have to do it anyway, his dad did. My dad used to get jealous of my mum making us something else if we didn’t like dinner when we were kids, despite it making no difference to him. Pick your battles.

@TibetanTerrah

There's a big difference between "dislike" and "dont really like". I wouldn't say I actively liked the vegetables I had with dinner last night (my bad cooking really) and as a child may have said "I don't like" them, but that's different to the physical response to really disliking something so as an adult I ate them anyway.

This is where the line gets blurred and the hard line "eat what you're given or go hungry" lot clash with the "i make multiple meals so that they eat something" camp.

Given the choice, most kids "like" beige junk over healthy vegetables. Some kids, especially at 14, should be able to "get over" the disappointment of not having their favourite foods and exactly what they fancy 100% of the time. With other children it's much more complicated. Only you as the parent knows which it is.

That ^^ If I only ate things I actively loved it would be a very restricted diet! I don't love peas, salad, broccoli etc but I eat them because well, it's healthy and important to try and have a broad range of food My default would be to live off toast and cereal

It's finding out actual strong dislikes - I can't eat pistachios without being sick so I don't eat them

Separate meals but we have veggie parents and hungry carnivorous teen. I'd like him to cook his own but realistically getting the food in and leaving room in the kitchen is tricky

Yes I have three teens and make a meal that can be adapted for their tastes and have snacks for them all which are totally different. Yes, they should make their own and they are old enough but I would rather they go about their day well nourished and full then I be right . I hope this will change in the future and older DD is now getting much better and making food she likes or eating what is on offer .

My DD is 15 and incredibly fussy, always has been. She'll eat a roast or beige freezer food, but not much else. Even things she says she likes (bolognese, lasagne etc) She'll painstakingly pick out any noticeable bits of peppers, mushrooms, celery etc. She says she likes meatballs and I blitz the vegetables in the sauce but she barely eats any sauce.
Occasionally She'll cook her own food but it's normally chicken nuggets or plain pasta with pesto. I try to get her to eat the same meal as us, in the hope that one day she might like something new!

No I wouldn’t cook a separate meal - you aren’t a slave.

Just make sure there is enough stuff for him to make sandwiches in the fridge, ideally start to teach them to cook, and institute kids cook Fridays - get pizza bases to start - but it will help him empathise with the life of the cook.

By cooking differentiated meals I'm not being slave just helping children eat nutritious meals as their mum. As they get time and acquire skills I will reduce my effort but for now I rather they get the fuel for the day than scratch around for sandwiches.

I make three different meals most mealtimes! We all like very different things, I accepted that reality a while back, much happier family mealtimes now.

I’m the fussy one in our house. I rarely eat meat but cook it for everyone else.
When ds1 was a teen, all he would eat was fishfingers or chicken dippers with potato waffles. He would have broccoli carrots and sweetcorn on the side. Or cucumber and tomatoes.
Now I cook for me. Usually some kind of stir fry or falafel in flat bread or with rice/bulgar wheat and cook normal family foods like lasagne/spay bol/ pie abs mash/sausage and chips for everyone else.

Dd is 16 and not keen on red meat so often cook a third meal such as curry for her.

In the past, I would invariably cook 2 different meals. One for me and SH and another for DD. She was always a vegetable and fruit refuser, loved meat and fish, but only if the meat was in some sort of crunchy coating.

sHe is now 20 and willingly eats spinach, peas and cauliflower. I put this radical Uturn down to her
Boyfriend who is a hardcore vegan. She has recently been dabbling in vegetarian eating

DD is very fussy. I try to make things which can be easily adapted- eg pasta but she has a different sauce, tacos where everyone can assemble their own from the bits they like, with a roast I’ll do a few different vegetables so people can choose what they want.