Partners little sister

[Brigmcs22]

Hi all,

Please tell me if I'm being a bitch here
Me and my partner (25) have taken in his 14 year old sister. She's been living with us since December last year. My partners mum died years ago and her dad isn't a good dad.

We are expecting our first baby in a couple weeks. It will also be school holidays so she will be home the whole time. I still want to be in the new born bubble with my partner. I love his sister but she is very needy and attached to my partner. I would love for her to stay with her Aunty for a week in the school holidays but I feel horrible putting out the suggestion. I feel selfish but I feel like i deserve that time with my baby and my partner too.

How or should I approach this?

@Herecomesthesun2022

I don’t understand what is wrong with the idea of your little SIL staying with her aunt for a week in the holidays, assuming they get on and it would be a treat. One of my children will be staying with their aunt in the holidays for a week and they are very excited! So it all depends how the two of them get on and how your SIL would feel about it. If the aunt has lots of fun things set up for them to do it should be sold on this basis. Love my children as I do frankly it’s quite normal to have a little break from each other. It’s wonderful that this little girl has the 2 of you to love her and look after her now her mum’s gone. You are very young and it must be hard. So if you can set it up as a fun trip honestly I would suggest a week every Easter and summer holidays is perfectly appropriate

This... it will be good for her to see other relations who care about her too, so she feels she is part of a larger family. But I feel you should drop the whole baby bubble issue as it could make her feel excluded and cause resentment on both sides when the break is over. It should be looked on by all as a nice visit to her aunt, whilst you are laid up and cannot take her out and about and entertain her in the Summer hols immediately after the birth, or not at all. Its not unnatural or uncaring to be thinking about wanting time to yourself to bond with your new-born. What could DH do to support this, because its not just for a week really, its ongoing and it does come at a time when teens get very bored and lonely during the summer hols. Are there any clubs she could do that would help her make friends,, just to give some activity during the long days? Or sports clubs? Does she have any particular friends at school who you could invite to see her with you two now? To make her feel that she is also important.

Maybe think how you would organise it if she was your own 14 year old and you had a new-born. She's gone through some massive changes and You are all still trying to settle down together and there's still quite a lot of time before the summer, I think what you do now will be as important to establish how you all continue together after the birth will be an important way to set the tone when the new baby does arrive. Best of luck and congratulations btw. I suspect she will be a great help and will find the baby fascinating.

@NurseNeerDoWell I wasn't referring to the fact that she's lost her mum. That's obviously very tragic especially at such a young age. But the 'poor kid' remark is clearly designed to guilt trip the op who has gone above and beyond already and is now being made to feel like satan just because she wants a week to herself with her new baby.

I agree the matter should be dealt with tactfully and maybe be dressed up as a holiday rather than 'we need some time just us'.

I think that would make her feel rejected tbh. Like she's not part of your family when you are effectively her adoptive mum at this point.

Try and see her as a normal part of your nuclear family and life will be easier.

@ATeddybearshortofaPicnic

Maybe talk to her aunt and then if her thinks a great idea, get the aunt to suggest it. As she’s got friends up there it might appeal to her - a week on holiday when you’re both going to be really busy with a tiny baby. Don’t tell her she’s going. Suggest it as an option.

Yes, this is a good idea. Don't feel bad about wanting space for you, bf and baby. Just be open and honest with all involved and offer it as an option

Sil might be delighted to visit the aunt and her friends for a week.
Let’s face it no one is going to be up for day trips or jaunts out with a week old baby in the house. Newborns can be very boring.

The only thing I’d be wary of is whether she’ll come back with an attitude ? Presumably there was a good reason you and dp thought it best sue live with you?

And we’ll done on taking in a 14 yr old. I do think you’re getting enough credit for that at 24 yrs old. She’s lucky to have you both.

How long did she life with the aunt? What was the thinking behind her leaving the aunt and coming to you-was it all amicable on all sides?

I think that’s probably pretty important info when deciding if it’s a good idea or not.