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Teenagers

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Original poster

16yo dd upset by chosen text. Not sure how to handle this.

58 replies

Flamingoose · 22/02/2022 03:28

Her 'text' is a movie. It is age appropriate.

Some quotes from a review:
The teacher brutally abuses his students, and the realism of it is terrifying. Very intense.

Although a music-themed film, the film is extremely intense throughout as well as emotional. In particular, his treatment of his students is incredibly disturbing, to the point of outright cruelty, and will upset most viewers.

Some of the scenes in the film can be very intense and unexpected for sensitive viewers.

It also contains a lot of angry shouting, which she finds overwhelming.

She was in tears in the loo after watching it in class today and dreading having to watch it again. She says everyone else seems fine about it.

She is thinking she could email her teacher and explain that she's struggling with it. She is a high achieving student and generally gets straight As in English. She really doesn't want to irritate the (new) teacher or jeopardise her grade, but she also doesn't want to sit through this film multiple times this term.

Does she...
a) Just get on with it?
b) Ask her teacher for an alternative / ask to use the screenplay instead / tell her teacher she's struggling?
c) Not say anything, watch it at home no sound, subtitles on (less scary) and unfortunately be absent in English, but still submit good work?
d) another option

OP posts:
Thoosa · 22/02/2022 06:43

[quote Migrainesbythedozen]@Thoosa But what do they do with it? Is it an assignment or essay they have to write? An oral presentation? Sorry, I'm not in the UK.[/quote]
Analyse it. Discuss it. Like you would a book or a play.

Prescottdanni123 · 22/02/2022 07:06

I agree with people saying she should speak to her teacher about other options. Her teacher, if she is good at her job, should be approachable and take your daughter's concerns seriously and act accordingly. When it comes to film topics, different things affect different people.

Lion King and Romeo and Juliet aren't really suitable comparisons. Although, when I was in Year 9, we watched the Lion King as a treat the day before the Christmas holidays started. It wasn't us kids who got upset at Mufasa's death and had to leave the room. It was the teacher.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 22/02/2022 07:11

[quote Migrainesbythedozen]@Thoosa But what do they do with it? Is it an assignment or essay they have to write? An oral presentation? Sorry, I'm not in the UK.[/quote]
I don’t think the word ‘text’ to describe any written/multimodal/printed/audio-visual work is unique to the UK?

ufucoffee · 22/02/2022 07:12

I agree with if it's age appropriate she should just get on with it.

Monty27 · 22/02/2022 07:15

No I haven't. I actually have no clue what it's about @knittingaddict
I don't want to either. It sounds horrendous.

Migrainesbythedozen · 22/02/2022 07:18

She said 'text' and then said movie, so I got confused, @TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross . It sounds like she meant to simply say film review. That would have made more sense.

ApolloandDaphne · 22/02/2022 07:20

We are to study a film for my English literature class at uni. It is a horror film and both myself and another student have advised we won't watch horror as we find it traumatising. We have been told that we don't have to watch it as long as we don't mind discussing the themes in class. We can avoid that one for essay purposes. Your DD shouldn't have to watch a film that traumatised her as long as she doesn't mind talking about it with the others in class. That is just brutal.

MiddleParking · 22/02/2022 07:22

I don’t think age has much to do with it. It’s designed to be an upsetting film. It features horrendous bullying, a young student being goaded about his mother’s death, another being driven to suicide by the bully, some fairly graphic injury as a result of the protagonist’s breakdown. The age rating for the cinema etc might say one thing but that’s really a commercial decision. Lots of adults would find it a difficult film to stomach.

MiddleParking · 22/02/2022 07:24

@Migrainesbythedozen

She said 'text' and then said movie, so I got confused, *@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross* . It sounds like she meant to simply say film review. That would have made more sense.
What she said did make sense. The fact that you personally failed to understand it doesn’t negate that. It’s quite tiresome to nitpick over the accurate use a word that can be well understood from the context anyway.
Hiddenvoice · 22/02/2022 07:32

I’d say speak to your daughter and see what she would like to do. She could give it a go of watching at home with you, over a couple of days, to see how she gets on with it or speak to the teacher. I imagine the teacher will discuss what she finds upsetting and explain that is part of the aim of the lesson to evoke an emotion to discuss in their report but your daughter shouldn’t be left to feel this uneasy after class.
I hate the film the notebook (controversial I know!) My gran was very sick with dementia and Alzheimer’s and I just hated how the film portrayed all of it. I couldn’t watch it in school for my English class as I also found it upsetting so I spoke to the teacher and studied something else but this just meant I was doing something different to the rest of the class.

Original poster
Flamingoose · 22/02/2022 07:37

Thank you to those saying it's reasonable and understandable to be upset by fairly intense and unpleasant bullying and abuse in a film. Obviously, I'm her mum and I don't want her to be upset at school, so this thread has been useful in helping me work out the right line between 'just get on with it' and 'oversensitive'.
I dislike abuse as entertainment so it's not something we'd ever watch at home.
She has emailed her teacher and explained she's struggling with it and why, she suggested a solution, now we'll see what the teacher says.

OP posts:
horseymum · 22/02/2022 07:40

My dd was traumatized by a film at school, she was crying for several days. I'm not prepared for school to put her through that so asked for her to be excused. All fine, then the new teacher the next year did the same one. Pretty poor teaching and communication. It's not necessary to feel unsafe at school. Not sure what the solution is if it's for an exam though, this was lower down.

sillysmiles · 22/02/2022 07:55

Watched this as an adult in the cinema and would never choose to rewatch it.
My initial reaction was to get on with it but i think she should talk to her teacher but be prepared that she may have to just accept it and work with it.

dottydodah · 22/02/2022 08:15

SofiaAmes Agree wholeheartedly .We are not keen on "gritty" dramas here ,or horror films .I dont get these books /films that are shown to young people to "make them think" yet we are given content warnings on TV shows as Adults(Thankfully!) Mental health issues are widely known about as well .As a Teenager I remember watching "A Streetcar named Desire " And being upset by the scene where Stanley rapes Blanche De Bois . There should be a choice of books to study

COS2102 · 22/02/2022 08:31

When I was at school, my class did work on The girl in the red coat. At the time, I wasn't comfortable watching the movie and/or learning about it. I struggled emotionally. My teacher spoke to us about what we were going to watch and asked who had problems with it. I put my hand up and the teacher had me do work on a clinique advert outside of the classroom whilst the rest of the class took part in those lessons.

It is more than possible for the teacher to set alternative work if your child is not comfortable with the themes of the lesson

User0610134049 · 22/02/2022 08:38

I agree with the previous poster. And has she watched it all now? Will they really have to rewatch it? I think would be reasonable to ask to be excused if they are rewatching.

ThePlantsitter · 22/02/2022 08:49

It is an intense film and quite unpleasant- brilliant though.

I don't think your daughter is being oversensitive but I think I personally would want to try to find ways of dealing with this that are not 'don't watch it'. It could be an opportunity to learn how to cope with things that frighten her that isn't avoidant (because ultimately you can't avoid everything without it negatively affecting your life). School should be a safe enough place to do that - I don't mean just be made to watch it btw, I mean find ways of exploring why it freaks her out so much, or taking it one scene at a time to break it down, or whatever. It could be really useful for her in the long term. If school isn't a safe place for her to do that, school might be the actual problem that's making this film so particularly upsetting...

steppemum · 22/02/2022 09:03

@ThePlantsitter

It is an intense film and quite unpleasant- brilliant though.

I don't think your daughter is being oversensitive but I think I personally would want to try to find ways of dealing with this that are not 'don't watch it'. It could be an opportunity to learn how to cope with things that frighten her that isn't avoidant (because ultimately you can't avoid everything without it negatively affecting your life). School should be a safe enough place to do that - I don't mean just be made to watch it btw, I mean find ways of exploring why it freaks her out so much, or taking it one scene at a time to break it down, or whatever. It could be really useful for her in the long term. If school isn't a safe place for her to do that, school might be the actual problem that's making this film so particularly upsetting...

I understand where you are coming from, but I disagree.

I choose, as am adult, not to watch horror, or very gritty realistic dramas that have violence or scense like excessive bullying.

I make that choice because I don't think it is healthy to have to watch very graphic representations of them.
Quite different to reading them in a book etc.

At 16, some will relish this type of film, and other will find it pretty distressing.
Whay should they have to watch something distressing, something that as an adult we might choose not to watch, just because it is 'school'

This is not history/ true story etc. It is a made up story in a film.

Comefromaway · 22/02/2022 09:07

Is is Whiplash? If so YANBU.

My son loves the film (he is a musician) but it is quite harrowing at times.

ThePlantsitter · 22/02/2022 09:29

Yes that's fair enough @steppemum. However I think as someone who has always been quite anxious and sensitive to a harrowing story (reading Dr Faustus gave me nightmares at college Hmm) my life is measurably improved now I've found ways to deal with fiction that's challenging. Yes, that is mostly not watching/reading it but it's nice not to have to immediately 'look away' if you know what I mean.

Of course there's no one right answer though. Just different approaches.

UserWithNoUserName · 22/02/2022 09:47

This isn't the point, but why are they watching it instead of reading a text? No idea what the film is- is it the adaptation of a book they are studying for the set text?

My instinct is A, but if she is struggling so much, she needs to let the teacher know so they are aware and can plan accordingly.

pickingdaisies · 22/02/2022 10:52

As an adult, I have the option to switch off or walk out of films I find upsetting/disturbing, and I do this a lot. I also find that some days my tolerance is far lower than others. Agree with a pp that watching a film is far more intrusive than reading a text. Those images can stay in your head. If the teacher is unsympathetic I would take it further - maybe point out that mental health awareness should be uppermost in their approach.

Comefromaway · 22/02/2022 11:01

@UserWithNoUserName

This isn't the point, but why are they watching it instead of reading a text? No idea what the film is- is it the adaptation of a book they are studying for the set text?

My instinct is A, but if she is struggling so much, she needs to let the teacher know so they are aware and can plan accordingly.

It's a film in its own right.

We don;t know what exact syllabus is being followed but analysis of films etc can be part of the curriculum.

Skinnymimi · 22/02/2022 15:36

This movie IS NOT ok for 15/16 yo. It has no historical importance (ie a movie about WW2 etc) and depicts abuse and humiliation. It is an adult movie.

whywouldntyou · 22/02/2022 15:47

@SofiaAmes

Absolutely b. Please don't let anyone tell you or your daughter that she is "over sensitive." It's an absurd comment in this day and age with all that we know about mental health and the enduring effect of Trauma. Lord of the Flies is a fairly standard book for middle school in the USA. At 58 I am still traumatized by having had to read it (forget about watching a movie) 45 years ago. When it was set by a teacher for my DD a few years ago, I went straight in and asked for an alternative. The teacher was very difficult over it, but we ended up getting something else set. My dd is a smart functioning young adult. I am a normal well adjusted adult. We just don't do well with violence whether it's real or fictional. (I couldn't watch the Roadrunner cartoon as a child...)
Ditto. I read Lord of the Flies 50 years ago, and Day of the Triffids, both gave me shocking nightmares. Schools should NOT be able to make students study horror. I have a very vivid imagination and to this day I can't watch anything horror based. It is NOT a weakness!