I don't want to be a parent anymore

[VirginMedium]

kids are 16 and 11. my youngest has mental health issues which are really difficult to deal with but otherwise they are not bad AT ALL. I don't have issues with drink and drugs or anti social behaviour etc

but they are SO INCREDIBLY SRLFISH. I know they are supposed to be but I just can't stand it, I feel like I am in an abusive relationship. I really REALLY want to leave. I am on my own with them. how do they watch me struggle with EVERYTHING and then moan and complain and not help

@anothernamedoesntsmellsosweet

Remove their phone, their chargers so they can't recharge their devises until jobs are done. Change the WiFi code every day and give it to them once their tasks are completed

yeah, this is the bit I don't want to do any more. its just too hard and horrible

I'm sending a hug because you sound exhausted.

Robot hoover for me has been pretty life-changing, as has a spray mop. I can just let the robot run while I'm tidying stuff up, then sweep the mop around the floor without even boiling the kettle. Having things a bit tidier really helps me to feel calmer. If you are skint tell everyone you'd like Amazon vouchers or whatever for birthdays / Christmas to put towards cleaning stuff?

Can you ask the other adults in your life to come over to your house and spend time with your youngest DD during regular time periods? They could watch a movie together for example. At least you will be free of conflict for a time, you can go upstairs. Looking forward to a couple of hours on a Tues and Thurs eve could be really helpful in getting past the distressed, burned out state that it sounds like you're suffering through.

Pick one thing to work on together. If breakfast is a pain, call a family meeting, ask everyone what they would like breakfast time to feel like, and how to bring that about. Write down a plan and try to get everyone to stick to it. After a few months you could move on to something else, like giving small chores. This can be great for everyone's sense of control and self-esteem. Try to choose something small for them to do regularly and build up confidence, even if it's tidying the shoe area each day, or a particular shelf.

I realise that these tiny things seem completely useless when you're in crisis and distressed, but just starting one tiny step at a time will mean you hopefully in a different place in 6 months' time, and again in a year .

Totally agree to not to the wifi password and other sanctions. They work with healthy kids with few serious stresses. They don't work with children with poor mental health, or a heavy stress burden. Sometimes phones and internet are how we manage our stress, coping strategies, not luxuries.

@picklemewalnuts giving youngest a phone was transformative in a lot of ways. she still doesn't sleep until midnight or after, but at least half the time she is at least not screaming and raging and smashing things. before phone, that is what she was doing, to the point neighbours complained. I referred us to SS, but again, no real help/useful advice. she watches tiktoks now then switches it to white noise to help her get to sleep

and the oldest...well she is nearly 17, bought her phone herself and uses mobile data, so I don't have much recourse to her phone as punishment. plus when they are at college they use them so much don't they for online lessons, uploading work, messages from teachers, even her hus pass is in her phone. so removing them becomes a bit more problematic