How does ds finish with his gf?

[TedsTortoise]

Ds is 16, he’s been with his GF for over a year.
She has become very controlling over him, doesn’t allow him to do certain things, is insanely jealous of any of ds’s friends who are girls, and he’s had enough.

Every time he brings up being unhappy she threatens suicide. The last time she did this ds contacted her parents, who were angry with ds for not being happy with her.

He’s desperate to finish it but is terrified.
I’ve advised he sets boundaries and sticks to them, but every time it kicks off suicide threats.
What can I advise him?

I think that he needs to 'rip the plaster off' by which I mean not to do it in stages or take a softly softly approach - this will only result in her being more able to manipulate him, and him getting sucked in or compromising what he really wants. I know it sounds brutal, but I would recommend a kind but firm communication explaining that the relationship is not healthy, and is causing him heartache - giving examples of some of the behaviours that have been painful for him so that it's clear to her what the problem has been - to send and then block. My little brother has his 6th form years ruined by something very similar. He was with a really vulnerable and troubled girl. If he moved even vaguely outside her control - by wanting to go out with a friend, or attend a family function and not see her one weekend, or even to go to an A-level class that she wasnt in - she would self-harm or threaten to self harm. He flunked his A-levels despit being a v clever boy, got in constant trouble at school for being absent from class (because he was tending to his girlfriend) and grew apart from all his friends. To this day he is the only one of us 3 siblings that have no friends from school we still keep up with, and he ended up not getting to do the Uni course he wanted as his grades weren't good enough which has made it a real slog for him to progress in his chosen career. Total nightmare. My parents bitterly regret allowing things to go on as long as they did, although they weren't aware of how bad it was for a long time. It's great that your son is being open with you and has you for support. I hope it works out well for him, and that the girl comes to understand what a healthy relationship looks like over time.

Agree with Nadjahomesoil: email break up with request for no further contact, then block.

As the parents sound unhelpful, I would inform the young woman’s school (eg safeguarding lead) about her statements about suicide.

For DS would seek to access information / services about healthy relationships and ‘red flags’.

@halloweenie13
My 16 year old son is being harrased at work by a 16 yr old girl, she just won' t leave him alone, she keeps asking him for his number, asking him out, and she gets upset when he says no, but because he is male all he can do is suck it up, l work at the same place and have witnessed what is going on, He is now trying to change his shifts, and has to leave the store when he has a break just to get rid of her. If the shoe was on the other foot he would probably have been sacked by now. Equality is meant to work both ways.

My son was in exactly the same situation at the same age. It was awful, he would try and break up with her and she would swear she would change and that she couldn't live without him and was worried she would hurt herself. It was awful OP I completely feel for you both.
He ended up finishing with his girlfriend and then texting her mum to let her know and asked the mum to look out for her. Then he had to block the ex girlfriend on all social media etc.
We had the conversation about how he cant be responsible for her mental health and I asked him if he was going to stay with her forever "just in case"
It was really awful but ultimately she needed help with her mental health and being in a relationship wasn't good for her either.

[quote workworkworkugh]@halloweenie13 that's so insulting.
I have three sons and while I love them to death I don't think they're completely innocent at all times or the sun shines out their asses, but boys can be victims of toxic abusive relationships as well.
Trust me, my oldest DS has been there.

I actually think I'm too hard on my boys sometimes. I want them to be good men and not like half the men you read about in here, and even when I was seeing the text messages the GF was sending through I would sometimes still question DS to ask what he had said/done to her to possibly make her act that way. I saw his side of conversations and in the end turns out she WAS just a manipulative controlling person.[/quote]
Did your son finish with his girlfriend in the end? (Just trying to find any update thread as I followed your threads x)

That's so hard for him but he can't carry on seeing someone because they threaten him like this. I think he needs to say: my feelings have changed. I am out of my depth when you threaten suicide and I don't feel able to handle it. If you are truly suicidal, you need professional support. I don't feel able to continue this relationship in any way so I'm sorry but I am ending it.

If she starts threatening suicide, he needs to get a bit tough and say: I am very concerned you feel like that, but nothing I do or say can change that level of depression. It is way out of my depth. You need urgent medical help.

If she tries other manipulative tactics, it's best to be honest and say: I have friends who are girls. I have things I like doing. You try to control and deny these aspects of my life. That has made me see we are incompatible and I don't want to keep going out with you. I feel bullied, controlled and manipulated.

Her parents really shouldn't encourage her behaviour or make him feel responsible for her happiness. He isn't, and never should be.