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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Leaving 17 and 13 year old at home over night.

36 replies

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 25/01/2022 19:11

On a whim I have booked a night away for DHs birthday. We’ve not been away together, just the two of us, for several years and I thought it would be nice.

I assumed that dd1 17 would stay home and her boyfriend (also 17, but only a few months off 18) will almost certainly stay, so not worried about that.

I was hoping that dd2 would want to go to a friends, but she has asked if she can have her friend to stay at ours instead. I’m inclined to say yes as they’re all sensible kids and DD2s friends mum (who I am good friends with) only lives 10 minutes away and will be on hand for any emergencies. Dd2 and her friend will be very nearly 14 when we go. I trust them not to have a party while I’m gone. Dd1 absolutely would not stand for it! Grin they also get on pretty well so I’m not worried about any major failings out.

So am I mad to leave 4 teens alone in my house?

OP posts:
FayCarew · 25/01/2022 19:15

Yes

IzzyD0ra · 25/01/2022 19:16

They'll be fine.

Enjoy your night away Wine

Aarti96 · 25/01/2022 19:18

My parents left me a couple of times when I was 17-18 and my brother was 13. They trusted me because I was very sensible for my age! They’d just FaceTime us briefly at night and make sure we were ok and enjoyed their time away. We were absolutely fine :)

Nos3y · 25/01/2022 19:19

If you can trust them both go for it ! Bet they'll really enjoy too. Hope they show they can be sensible and you have a great night away!

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 25/01/2022 19:19

It's fine

Whatamess582 · 25/01/2022 19:20

If you trust them all then yes. My mother used to go away for weekends and leave me (aged 16 I think) alone in the house and encourage me to have a party. I think the trust she put in me made me behave better….. they will have a blast. How fantastic for you. Go, enjoy it, leave them money for pizza and lock your bedroom door just in case….

Original poster
Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 25/01/2022 19:24

Thanks all. My gut feeling they’ll be fine, but was just a bit nervous about the 13 year old. They are mature for their age though and will only be a few weeks of 14. Glad the general consensus so far seems to be they’ll be fine.

I was going to give them money for pizza and stock up on snacks for them.

OP posts:
lucillelarusso · 25/01/2022 19:25

Depends on the 17yo. My parents did this and I was the younger one and all was fine but DH was traumatised by his parents leaving him with his B who invited his gf round and behaved horribly - blind drunk, sex in the living room with the door open both repeatedly waking him up and attacking him etc etc.

FooFooFloofyFoof · 25/01/2022 19:26

If you know you can trust them it sounds fine! Obvs check the other 13 year old's parents are happy and then enjoy your night away!

Original poster
Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 25/01/2022 19:27

@lucillelarusso

Depends on the 17yo. My parents did this and I was the younger one and all was fine but DH was traumatised by his parents leaving him with his B who invited his gf round and behaved horribly - blind drunk, sex in the living room with the door open both repeatedly waking him up and attacking him etc etc.
Oh no. That’s horrible.

Dd1 and her boyfriend are very sensible, pretty geeky and mature, but not in the going out drinking way. I do trust them not to cause the younger ones any trauma.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 25/01/2022 19:28

@FooFooFloofyFoof

If you know you can trust them it sounds fine! Obvs check the other 13 year old's parents are happy and then enjoy your night away!
Thanks. She’s already said it’s fine and will be around if there’s an emergency. She’s les worried about it than me Grin
OP posts:
I0NA · 25/01/2022 19:29

I’d do it . I’d be more worried about the 17yo DD getting pregnant than any harm coming to the two 13 year olds.

Original poster
Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 25/01/2022 19:33

I’d do it . I’d be more worried about the 17yo DD getting pregnant

I figure she’s no more likely to get pregnant that night than any other night he stays here or she stays at his. We’ve talked it through and they’re sensible, but they’re 17 and I’d rather they weren’t sneaking around behind my back.

OP posts:
I0NA · 25/01/2022 19:37

I mean getting pregnant in general, not just on that night 😀

Sadly lots of sensible 17 year olds are having unprotected sex.

Drunkpanda · 25/01/2022 19:42

I would leave my own 13/14 year old home with a sensible 17 year old, but I would not send my 13 year old to stay in a house without adult supervision (and at 17 she's not an adult). I wouldn't like to have to turn down the sleep over request either. You need to make sure the other parents know there'll be no parents there.
My parents left me alone a lot overnight (few times a year in reality probably!) and I wasn't really as fine as I said. On one of those occasions something bad happened in the community and it was awful to be alone. Very rare chance though.

Original poster
Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 25/01/2022 19:42

@I0NA

I mean getting pregnant in general, not just on that night 😀

Sadly lots of sensible 17 year olds are having unprotected sex.

I’m aware. She’s on contraception. I made sure of that, so they’re as safe as they can be. But you have to give them some trust. Even if I never left them alone together they would be left alone at his house.
OP posts:
Original poster
Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 25/01/2022 19:44

@Drunkpanda

I would leave my own 13/14 year old home with a sensible 17 year old, but I would not send my 13 year old to stay in a house without adult supervision (and at 17 she's not an adult). I wouldn't like to have to turn down the sleep over request either. You need to make sure the other parents know there'll be no parents there. My parents left me alone a lot overnight (few times a year in reality probably!) and I wasn't really as fine as I said. On one of those occasions something bad happened in the community and it was awful to be alone. Very rare chance though.
Her mum is fully aware. She’s a good friend of mine and would say if she wasn’t happy with it. She’ll also be around if there’s any problems.
OP posts:
Drunkpanda · 25/01/2022 19:45

If everyone is happy about it, why the post?

Original poster
Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 25/01/2022 19:48

@Drunkpanda

If everyone is happy about it, why the post?
To put my mind at rest really. Just wanted some opinions. I’m the only one who is at all concerned. In the sensible path of my brain I think they’ll be fine. But it’s the first time I’ve done it so can’t help but be a bit worried.
OP posts:
Drunkpanda · 25/01/2022 21:55

Ok, I understand that! But we won't all put your mind at rest as we don't all think it is a good idea! Though it looks like the majority do Smile

Comefromaway · 26/01/2022 16:35

I would not have been comfortable putting that amount of responsibility onto my 17 year old (though it might not help that ds was a typical nightmare teenaged 13).

massistar · 26/01/2022 18:21

I'd be happy doing this with my 17yo and 13yo. Actually it's a marvellous idea.

ChatterMonkey · 26/01/2022 18:28

When my brother was 17 and i was 14, my parents left us in similar situation.

We went to his friends, had a BBQ on the beach, and they all camped out and i stayed with my brothers friends younger sister. Both of us were drinking, although mine was a bit tamer, but still a few alcopos or similar.

My parents found out and told us to go home, we went home, phoned from the house, and went back out again. Then went home earlyish the next day, but in time for the morning call checking up on us.

To this day my parents dont know 😂

We were very trustworthy and sensible, and i dont think it would ever occur to my parents that we didnt just go home as requested.

Just an example of how the sensible ones can still break the rules! Not neccesarrily saying dont do it, as it didnt cause us any harm, and was a nice bonding thing that we did, but just a warning to be realistic about what to expect from them!

Original poster
Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 26/01/2022 19:08

@ChatterMonkey

When my brother was 17 and i was 14, my parents left us in similar situation.

We went to his friends, had a BBQ on the beach, and they all camped out and i stayed with my brothers friends younger sister. Both of us were drinking, although mine was a bit tamer, but still a few alcopos or similar.

My parents found out and told us to go home, we went home, phoned from the house, and went back out again. Then went home earlyish the next day, but in time for the morning call checking up on us.

To this day my parents dont know 😂

We were very trustworthy and sensible, and i dont think it would ever occur to my parents that we didnt just go home as requested.

Just an example of how the sensible ones can still break the rules! Not neccesarrily saying dont do it, as it didnt cause us any harm, and was a nice bonding thing that we did, but just a warning to be realistic about what to expect from them!

This is true, you can never know for sure what they’ll do.

I was actually a nightmare as a teen, but I definitely stayed at friends houses without their parents there and lied to my parents about where I was staying and then camped in a field and got blind drunk from a young her age than my dds are now. We were always fine, but it feels different when it’s your kids and not you!!

I trust them as far as you can trust teenagers. That’s all I can do.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 26/01/2022 20:53

I have dc those exact ages and I wouldn’t
Must just be me though as everyone else on here seems to be fine with it. I’m pretty surprised to be honest