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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Leaving 17 and 13 year old at home over night.

36 replies

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 25/01/2022 19:11

On a whim I have booked a night away for DHs birthday. We’ve not been away together, just the two of us, for several years and I thought it would be nice.

I assumed that dd1 17 would stay home and her boyfriend (also 17, but only a few months off 18) will almost certainly stay, so not worried about that.

I was hoping that dd2 would want to go to a friends, but she has asked if she can have her friend to stay at ours instead. I’m inclined to say yes as they’re all sensible kids and DD2s friends mum (who I am good friends with) only lives 10 minutes away and will be on hand for any emergencies. Dd2 and her friend will be very nearly 14 when we go. I trust them not to have a party while I’m gone. Dd1 absolutely would not stand for it! they also get on pretty well so I’m not worried about any major failings out.

So am I mad to leave 4 teens alone in my house?

OP posts:

Weeweewoman · 26/01/2022 22:42

My 15yo went to a friend's house. Turned out parents were away for the weekend, older brother 17yo was in charge. They got drunk, 6 or 7 lads there and my son vomited when he got home went to bed and slept it off. I was a bit pissed off about him being that pissed, but hey ho. The next day, I found out that they had a boxing match. My son got knocked out and concussion, no-one could tell me for how long. The older brother was the umpire. I had him checked out and he was ok. Had to observe usual precautions for 3 weeks.

Long story. But, if that happened in my house, I would be soooooo shocked and horrified. The outcome could have been really awful.

The parents think the brothers are sensible enough though........

cheekychaplin · 26/01/2022 22:49

I would leave mine yes, but without the boyfriend round.

EllaMinnowPee · 26/01/2022 22:55

I wouldn't leave mine on the circumstances you describe, no. I'd leave the older one (providing she was sensible etc etc) but I wouldn't leave her in charge of her young teen sibling.

I don't think it's particularly wise and if something were to happen, I'm not sure if SS would think it had been a particularly wise idea either

However it's a judgement call that only you can make and if you're comfortable with it then fair enough

cheekychaplin · 26/01/2022 23:28

I'm not sure if SS would think it had been a particularly wise idea either

You must know that 17 year olds sometimes have their own babies - there is not a chance SS would be interested in this

Echobelly · 26/01/2022 23:39

Sounds fine - my dad was working abroad when I was that sort of age if my mum went to see him for a weekend we'd be left alone.

ElectraBlue · 26/01/2022 23:51

I find this thread a bit odd.

When I was 17 I had already started university. I was perfectly able to live on my own.

I am pretty sure a 17 year can cope one night on their own and keep and eye on a 14 year old sibling (again hardly a child...).

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 27/01/2022 06:32

I don't think it's particularly wise and if something were to happen, I'm not sure if SS would think it had been a particularly wise idea either

I got involved with a family once where parent had gone on holiday and left older child in charge of younger child for ten days and older had got wasted and not come home. However one night is a judgement call and if something had happened would not likely trigger any social work involvement beyond a conversation during which parent would likely say 'will never do that again' and that would be it.
Social services don't get involved where a parent has made a judgement call and it hasn't paid off. Parents do that all the time. We aren't the parent police.

EllaMinnowPee · 27/01/2022 07:23

I'm not saying SS would be the slightest bit interested if you read my post properly. The crucial bit you're overlooking is 'if something were to happen.'

Like I said in conclusion, it's a judgement call based on OP knowing her kids and us not. It's not something I'd do. Not because I'm ridiculously OTT (my eldest is 23 and has her own house ) but because I'm not comfortable with it. The OP asked opinions and that's mine

FindingMeno · 27/01/2022 07:28

In the circumstances I'd be fine, but I would point out to them that it's a test of trust and please show me I'm right to trust you.

JustDanceAddict · 27/01/2022 08:58

I’d put some ground rules down. At over 16 the older teens would be legally responsible for the younger ones - leave money for takeaway so no cooking incidents etc.
I started leaving both of mine at 15 & 17 - it was when 17 yr old was revising for mocks and she called us to say she was so annoyed w DS as he had friends over - we had to ‘negotiate’ with them both that DS’s friends would not be too loud etc 🙄 in the end it was fine but it did stress us out a bit on our romantic night away!!
The next time was 8 months later and ds had a minor accident when our doing his sport - thankfully he was ok but I took him to a&e when we got back to check all was ok!! Dd was an adult by then and did help by telling us ds was fine.

Cardilogical · 27/01/2022 16:00

I would do, yes as long as younger girls don't have a crush on older DDs BF and that's why younger DD is inviting her friend.

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