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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Boyfriend sleepover dilemma

47 replies

Platinumclouds · 25/01/2022 09:20

My DD is just 15 and has had a boyfriend of the same age for 9 months. In reality they are just friends who hold hands occasionally.
My DD has asked if he can sleepover one night (same room, separate beds) as her friends who are girls do. The reason for the request is that they are at a sports event together until the evening on day and then back there early the next morning.
I’m in two minds here - on one hand I’m like not a chance, I’m not crazy but on the other hand they genuinely are no more than friends. My daughter is a young 15 and still finds the idea of kissing gross.
I think I know what the answers will be but wanted to gauge opinion.
Thanks

OP posts:

KittensTeaAndCake · 25/01/2022 09:32

I wouldn't personally, I think it's too young. Not the same as her female friends at all, we all know what teenage boys are like.

Moneypennysfreedomfund · 25/01/2022 09:33

It would be a no from me, explain to her that you are responsible for her welfare and it is just not appropriate. She might be a ‘young’ 15 but he may not be and it is far too compromising for you and your dd.

I don’t envy you though having the conversation if you do say no.

Hoppinggreen · 25/01/2022 09:35

DDs BF has been staying here since they were 15/16 and she stays at his house. They don’t sleep in the same room though

Santahasjoinedww · 25/01/2022 09:35

At 15 my dm let my bf sleep over on the couch.
We were at it all night...

Dm never knew. Keep the moral boundaries ime. Over 16 yes. Under 16 no. Or your dd may push for more blurred lines.
Ime
I am on to my 10th teen and they all know I don't agree to under age sex or alcohol. Adult dc don't hate me for it.

Fletchersromancing · 25/01/2022 09:47

It would be a no from me too, still to young.

Rainbowqueeen · 25/01/2022 09:52

No I wouldnt do it.

Datsandcogs · 25/01/2022 09:53

For me it would not be acceptable for them to share a room. Could he sleep in another room? Downstairs?

Nonivknamesforcatapillars · 25/01/2022 11:28

Not in the same room at 15. Could he sleep in another room? My rule was always 16 and left school for sleeping in the same room.

Cliff1975 · 25/01/2022 11:51

say yes but separate rooms

Endlessrunner · 25/01/2022 11:56

I used to pretend that I found kissing gross so my mum thought I was innocent!

DropYourSword · 25/01/2022 12:03

She might be a "young" 15, but is he?

In your situation I'd probably prefer separate rooms!

Ladyof · 25/01/2022 12:42

I would be surprised if she is as innocent as you think. My dd told me the just friends lark at 15 and she bloody lost it to him I found out later down the line.

DowntonCrabby · 25/01/2022 12:44

I’d let him stay on the sofa.

twoblueskies · 25/01/2022 17:29

15 years olds don't find kissing gross . They find their parents asking about it or thinking they do it gross 🤨
It would def be a no from me too . I don't even let girl and boy cousins share anymore . Two much room for experimentation and at that age they don't have maturity to think of actions and consequences .

2bazookas · 25/01/2022 17:35

I'd invite him to stay the night in a separate bedroom. Or in a sleeping bag on the sofa downstairs.

However innocent their friendship is, if her or his friends get to hear he slept in her room, both kids are going to be the butt of a lot of teasing, innuendo, gossip and worse. Don't expose your DD to that.

twoblueskies · 25/01/2022 17:37

My Dd swore that her bf of 2 months didn't really like kissing and they were just getting to know each other . Well I think that changed some time without my knowledge from what I saw them doing last night when I picked her up from near his house after school
I'm not easily embarrassed but made me blush
Don't risk it , they are teenagers , dating. Not innocent child friends .

My auntie got pregnant aged 16 and swears it was first time on the hearth rug in the sixties when granny went to the shop . She always regretted being a young mum when all her friends were out at dances . That was 1967 . Nothings changed .

BigSandyBalls2015 · 25/01/2022 17:39

My mum thought my first relationship at 15 was very innocent … she had no idea what we were up to in my bedroom and I wasn’t going to enlighten her!!

Aquamarine1029 · 25/01/2022 17:41

Absolutely not.

erinaceus · 25/01/2022 17:41

"The reason for the request is that they are at a sports event together until the evening on day and then back there early the next morning."

If this is the case and I'm not at all suggesting that it isn't the reason then on a practical level can he stay over at yours but sleep in a separate room or on the sofa in a sleeping bag?

Cismyfatarse · 25/01/2022 17:42

No. You know how she feels about intimacy. He may have entirely different ideas.

Mojoj · 25/01/2022 17:43

Sorry but she doesn't find kissing gross and there's a reason she wants him to sleepover. And it's not to hold hands. Just saying...

MrsGHarrison87 · 25/01/2022 17:45

@BigSandyBalls2015

My mum thought my first relationship at 15 was very innocent … she had no idea what we were up to in my bedroom and I wasn’t going to enlighten her!!

Same. It's always the quiet ones

TheChemicalMother · 25/01/2022 17:46

Actually it might also be compromising for him.

I would let him stay - but on a blow up bed downstairs or wherever.

My Dc used to have mixed sex sleepovers, but a group of them, and none going out with each other.

I did have boyfriends join us on family holidays and managed not to sleep with them at that age, and they were also not expecting to.

Winniemarysarah · 25/01/2022 17:49

@Endlessrunner

I used to pretend that I found kissing gross so my mum thought I was innocent!

My mum thought the same. I was 17 when she first found out I had a boyfriend and she was extremely surprised about it. She was completely clueless that I’d lost my virginity years before :/

Youonlyhaveonelife · 25/01/2022 17:53

Definitely different rooms. We did this when it was convenient to stay at same house.

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