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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Boyfriend sleepover dilemma

47 replies

Platinumclouds · 25/01/2022 09:20

My DD is just 15 and has had a boyfriend of the same age for 9 months. In reality they are just friends who hold hands occasionally.
My DD has asked if he can sleepover one night (same room, separate beds) as her friends who are girls do. The reason for the request is that they are at a sports event together until the evening on day and then back there early the next morning.
I’m in two minds here - on one hand I’m like not a chance, I’m not crazy but on the other hand they genuinely are no more than friends. My daughter is a young 15 and still finds the idea of kissing gross.
I think I know what the answers will be but wanted to gauge opinion.
Thanks

OP posts:
FredBair · 25/01/2022 17:54

At 15 not in the same room. Of course I would let him stay as a guest in spare room or sofa.
Younger in a mixed sex group I would allow.

Raspberryrippleplease · 25/01/2022 17:56

Absolutely not

thebigpurpleone · 25/01/2022 22:46

15?! Hell no

VodselForDinner · 25/01/2022 22:48

Absolutely not.

Her bedroom should be a safe space. Adding a horny teenage boy if she’s as sexually naive as you say would be a disaster.

UrsulaBursula · 25/01/2022 22:49

No…

Just no

Thinkbiglittleone · 25/01/2022 22:53

I think staying over in a separate room at 15 possibly would be ok, but not in the same room.

My boyfriend stayed over on the sofa at about 15/16, he would never have made it anywhere near my bedroom, nor would he have risked it my Dad would have killed him.

Fuzzyduckduckyfuzz · 25/01/2022 22:53

My 15 year old ds has his gf over to stay. She's stays in his room and I make him sleep with me so I would wake if he tried to sneak back into his room Wink

jackstini · 25/01/2022 22:54

No
Sleepover fine, same room - not a chance

It's putting them both in a situation where others could be funny about it and leaves them open to all sorts

If genuinely only friends then it shouldn't be an issue and you are protecting them

I also remember very well what me and my friends said at that age (& what we actually did which was completely different)

About10thusername · 25/01/2022 22:57

I'm finding some of the responses here rather strange.
If they want to have sex, they will. Whether you let him stay over one night is irrelevant.
Have a chat to her about safe sex.
Of course let the boy stay but check his parents are happy with the situation first.

mumofblu · 26/01/2022 08:57

Yes they will have sex where they want if they want but you don't have to provide the room to do it , especially if they are under age !

Hoppinggreen · 26/01/2022 09:05

@About10thusername

I'm finding some of the responses here rather strange. If they want to have sex, they will. Whether you let him stay over one night is irrelevant. Have a chat to her about safe sex. Of course let the boy stay but check his parents are happy with the situation first.
Of course they will have sex if they want to but you don’t have to facilitate it
Pleaseuniverseplease · 26/01/2022 09:10

Of course your dd will portray that she finds kissing and all that gross to her parent! She's hardly going to be acting horny in your presence.
I think you sound naive.
No to the boyfriend sleeping over.

Yahyahs22 · 26/01/2022 09:17

My mum thought I was super innocent too and I lied to her and told her how innocent I was..I was far from it. Reality was she made it seem like it was so wrong to like boys and all that comes with it at that age that I was far too scared to disappoint her and tell her when I even liked a boy. Not saying this is you but I am saying, she's 15, she's not innocent

UrsulaBursula · 26/01/2022 10:37

I really don’t like the whole mentality of they will be doing it anyway so you may as-well allow it.

The point is your the parent. Your house. Your rules. If you don’t feel comfortable with the sleepover then say no.

Not every teenage girl is out there being rebellious and being intimate with boys…

My parents had strict rules when it came to boys and I listened and respected the rules. If my parents were fine and happy with my boyfriend sleeping over, then I would assume they were facilitating us to be intimate. Then of course it’s going to happen Hmm

ExpectingLady93 · 26/01/2022 20:32

I'd say no sorry. 15 is too young.

rhowton · 26/01/2022 21:17

I lost my vaginity shortly after my 15th birthday. I had been with the same boy for 6 months and my parents also thought it wasn't serious. You need to discuss contraception and you need to realise that if they want to have sex, they will do.

Quornflakegirl · 26/01/2022 21:21

It would be a firm no here!

Original poster
Platinumclouds · 27/01/2022 16:45

Thanks all. Responses as suspected and sleepover duly refused. I’ve offered to drop off and pick up instead.

OP posts:
thisplaceisweird · 27/01/2022 16:49

In reality they are just friends who hold hands occasionally I'm sure my mum thought the same... ha!

I would say yes for practicality, but different rooms after say midnight.

thisplaceisweird · 27/01/2022 16:50

I lost my vaginity ... great new word, very clear imagery there.

AlexaShutUp · 27/01/2022 16:52

I wouldn't. She's still underage, and I wouldn't be so sure that all they do is hold hands.

At 16, my dd does go to mixed sleepovers as a lot of her mates are boys, but even at 16, I wouldn't be keen on a boyfriend sleeping over. And definitely not at 15!

HairyDad · 28/01/2022 10:33

I would also go for separate rooms. If they're just friends then they won't mind. I had a platonic female friend at Uni and when visiting her once, her mum said sorry but you can't sleep in the same room. We were both 19 but respected her decision.

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