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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teenager’s friends’ phone numbers?

30 replies

Starsinthesky12 · 16/01/2022 18:00

My DS is 16 and virtually never has friends over. He prefers to go into town with them which I’m fine with. I’ve met a few of his friends very briefly.
I suddenly wondered if should I have his close friends phone numbers just in case anything ever happens when they’re out and I need to contact them?

OP posts:
Original poster
Starsinthesky12 · 16/01/2022 18:47

Bump

OP posts:
sadpapercourtesan · 16/01/2022 18:48

No, that's massively intrusive and not appropriate IMO. Your son should be contactable when he's out - there shouldn't be any need for you to have his friends' contact details.

Original poster
Starsinthesky12 · 16/01/2022 18:54

@sadpapercourtesan thanks. I’d never even considered it before! Just heard that another mum I know has numbers for her son’s close friend.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 16/01/2022 19:19

No! That would be too intrusive, I never had any of my teenagers' friends' phone numbers and they never gave theirs to the other parents.

You just need to be able to contact him when he is out. Insist that he answers his phone when you do (mine could have a blindspot for calls from parents sometimes and did need the riot act to be read).

MissAmbrosia · 16/01/2022 19:22

I have a couple but only because mine has gone away with them for days on end so I wanted another number just in case of emergency.

ponkydonkey · 16/01/2022 19:26

I have a few of my sons friends numbers, but I haven't called any of them since they were 13/14

Teens never let their phones run out of battery... you'll be fine.

SE13Mummy · 16/01/2022 22:19

A fair few of my 17-yr-old's friends have my number. It's more important they have the numbers of friends' parents than the other way round as there are situations when being able to contact a parent is essential. DC1 and friends learnt this when they needed to get an ambulance for a very unwell friend but because friend's phone was locked and no one had the parents' numbers, they couldn't get in touch. The DC know I'm happy for my number to be given to friends or parents of friends so generally do just that.

I do have a fair few of their friends' numbers but mainly because I've been called from their phones when DC1's has run out of battery. I don't use the numbers to make contact with their friends.

CatsArePeople · 16/01/2022 22:53

In times of landlines, it was normal. Now - not really, most connect via social media anyway.

TooBigForMyBoots · 16/01/2022 23:00

I know people will say you are being intrusive, but I think you're wise to have their numbers. I have numbers for some of teenage DS's friends. I also have numbers for parents.

Growing up with landlines, it was normal for parents to know phone numbers.

PinkTonic · 16/01/2022 23:04

Who do you contact if they don’t answer and don’t come home? It’s not intrusive to know where a 16 year old is and how to contact their friends/ friend’s parents.

Coughee · 16/01/2022 23:07

I'd find it intrusive asking for numbers. I'd contact them or their parents on social media if need be - I can't imagine a situation where they would be out with a group of kids who are so unknown to me I wouldn't even be able to find them or their parents on Facebook/insta.

LettertoHermoine · 16/01/2022 23:11

I have a few numbers of my teenagers friends. I have often had to contact one of mine through one of their friends if their battery died. I would only ever text if it was necessary and it gives me peace of mind. The friends don't mind at all.

Kite22 · 16/01/2022 23:19

Yes, I did.
But I also promised never to call them unless there was a serious, real reason to do so.
I also asked my teens to give their friends my number "just in case".

I have never called or messaged any of my dcs' friends, but one friend having mine was actually quite handy when my dc got hit by a car.....

MrsSkylerWhite · 16/01/2022 23:21

We did, they were happy to oblige.

spongedog · 16/01/2022 23:26

@Coughee

I'd find it intrusive asking for numbers. I'd contact them or their parents on social media if need be - I can't imagine a situation where they would be out with a group of kids who are so unknown to me I wouldn't even be able to find them or their parents on Facebook/insta.
this is our situation - new school just before lockdown. i know no-one. Still have all the parents details form the previous 2 schools but that's not a lot of use in an emergency.

I like the idea of having a couple of parents numbers.

Kite22 · 16/01/2022 23:40

How is it intrusive ?
If you never contact them then it isn't intrusive at all.

Teens never let their phones run out of battery

2 of mine did / do. One is also prone to losing / breaking phones.

TurquoiseBaubles · 17/01/2022 00:01

I had all ds's friend's numbers when he was a teenager - in fact I still have them.

I would never use them. I wouldn't call friends to see why he was late home, for example, but I had them in case of emergency. And more importantly quite a few of his friends had mine (and used it on occasion).

AlwaysLatte · 17/01/2022 00:17

No but I'd always make sure I had parents' numbers

TooBigForMyBoots · 17/01/2022 00:24

Teens never let their phones run out of battery

Oh yes they do.😂 Out of battery is the only reason I've been in contact with other parents or DS's friends for years. It works the other way too, if DS's phone runs out of juice he can still get a message to me.

Maves · 17/01/2022 00:35

I don't see what this "intrusive" thing is 🙄

SE13Mummy · 17/01/2022 00:35

@Coughee

I'd find it intrusive asking for numbers. I'd contact them or their parents on social media if need be - I can't imagine a situation where they would be out with a group of kids who are so unknown to me I wouldn't even be able to find them or their parents on Facebook/insta.
In an emergency situation, trying to track down a parent on social media seems like something of a faff. What if you don't know the parent's name/last name or they use an alias? What if their account doesn't show up in searches or can't be messaged by those who don't follow it? What if they don't have notifications from that platform switched on? I've just had a go at looking on social media for the parent of one of DC1's friends. I know his full name, address and field he works in but I can't locate him on social media. Earlier this evening DC1 was out with their friend 'Olivia'. I know Olivia's mum is called Rachel and they live on London Road. I've met Olivia on a number of occasions when she's come here or at school things but I don't know her last name or her mum's last name. Searching for 'Olivia's mum Rachel' on social media doesn't come up with much that's useful. Even though I know the friends a bit, it doesn't make for easy tracing via social media.

I would much prefer to be in a situation whereby my DC were happy to give me some friends' numbers and trust I wouldn't use them unnecessarily than to try scrambling around social media if I couldn't get hold of my DC in an emergency. Whether it not it feels intrusive is surely to do with how much a DC trusts their parent to use the numbers only in a emergency.

nomoneytree · 17/01/2022 13:10

It's not intrusive. It's sensible. I also have my teenagers friends parents numbers and they have mine. Very normal in my experience. And it's very useful when your teen inevitably runs out of battery. I also made all of my children actually learn my mobile number so they were able to call me from someone else's phones.

Knitwit99 · 17/01/2022 13:13

Ds14 goes out cycling a lot with a friend, I've met him lots of times but I don't know his family or anything. I have the lad's phone number. I don't see how it's intrusive, its just practical. It's just on a scrap of paper on the noticeboard and hopefully I'll never need to use it.

AlexaShutUp · 17/01/2022 13:16

I have numbers for a few of 16yo dd's friends. Some of them have my number. I never asked for the contact details, and can't even remember why I have them in some cases! I would only ever use them in an emergency.

I know that a few of dd's friends' parents have her number. It was useful for one of them who was trying to make contact with her son when he had lost his phone. Another one texted dd to ask for advice on her daughter's birthday present, which dd found really sweet.

The friends whose numbers I know are mostly the ones who have been friends with dd for years. I don't think I have any contact details for her newer friends.

ENoeuf · 17/01/2022 13:19

I have a few for the various kids. Some accumulated naturally as they’ve texted me their address to collect my kid and a couple I’ve asked for so I’ve got a point of contact if they go missing. Likewise a few have my number. But then I don’t accept friend requests from non friends or children on social media so don’t have any way of linking up if necessary.