Dh thinks I have spoilt 14yo ds - have I?

[PJGirls]

Huge arguments at the moment because dh thinks I have spoilt ds and let him get away with everything. It’s come to a head today and I need some help figuring it out.

We decided to go on a local walk today and as ds didn’t have plans he came with us. All went well until we got to the point where we would normally turn back. Dh decided he wanted to go further. Ds said he didn’t want to because he was cold.

What would normally happen in this situation? In our case Dh told ds he had to do the extra bit of the walk. Ds started walking home. Dh started shouting. I tried to convince ds to continue but he refused so we walked home together.

Dh thinks that I have spoilt ds which is why he couldn’t cope doing something he didn’t want to do. And any normal child would have done what he was told. Dh keeps saying that ds is pathetic :(

Help please!

dH shouting totally out of order
He should have heaped praise and attention on a teen who voluntarily wanted to walk , of course a 14 y o can safely walk back if they have had enough

Your husband blaming you is out of order

@SpacePotato

What was the issue with your son walking home whilst you or DH carried on with the walk?

He's 14 not 4.

Your DH on the other hand acted like a spoilt child.

This

I could have written this myself citing various different scenarios over the years. Your first responsibility is to your child and his safety and security. I grew up with a horror of a mother and a father who would never stand up for me. I support my children no matter what. Good for you OP, it's so difficult being with a man who you have to walk on eggshells around. Take care of yourself.

Thanks for all your comments, it has really got me thinking.

I walked back with ds because I wanted to - it was getting dark and even though ds is 14 I would prefer him not walking in the dark on his own. I also didn’t think it was an unreasonable request!

Interestingly I’m sure if I had said I wanted to go back dh would have said fine and cut the walk short. So I think the issue here is that dh is finding it difficult to understand that ds is no longer a child and can make his own decisions. Lots to work through.

Sounds reasonable for you to walk back too, then. It just seems sad that your husband has ruined the end of the walk by getting in a strop.

SpacePotato

What was the issue with your son walking home whilst you or DH carried on with the walk?

He's 14 not 4.

Your DH on the other hand acted like a spoilt child

^^
This sums up the situation

Doubt it’s a long time before your ds dies for a family walk again

I wouldn’t have wanted to have walked with dh after he’d acted like that.

Your DS was cold. Nothing wrong with him going home, especially if he wasn’t whining or complaining.
Your DH was just being controlling for the sake of it. He engaged in an unnecessary battle of wills!

I read that (especially with teens!) you should never punish or criticise wanted behaviour. Presumably you wanted him to come for a walk with you, and he did! Your DH keeps this attitude up and your DS won’t want to choose to come again.
It’s like when a teenager emerges from their —pit— bedroom and coo a snarky “oh, it’s nice that you’ve finally graced us with your presence” rather than saying something like “hey, nice to see you”. Why be a dick about things!!

@YourenutsmiLord

Maybe the OP had done enough walking too? But hadn't mentioned but magically when DS moaned decided she was cold after all

Or maybe more likely she was pissed off at how her DH had spoken to her DS and no longer wanted to continue a walk with a nasty controlling bully!!

I'm normally the first to call spoilt teen but from the information here it sounds like your DH is the problem.

Can you think of anything else that might be making him say that, or was this purely in response to that one incident?

It’s interesting that your DH is negating his parenting in all of this. He’s a parent too and has a hand in how ds is or isn’t.

The scenario - not sure why your DH is being such a sally to be honest.

From that example alone, you can’t say if he’s spoilt or not. Have you other examples?