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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD love bites after a week

28 replies

mumofblu · 04/01/2022 13:36

Exactly this
DD 14 . Stopped previous bf seeing her after finding photos of him in her bed after 1 month , excuse was he didn't have a bed at home and was tired , photos of love bites , talked to her ? Next photos of love bites on his chest and waist so we banned them
New bf now has them above his trouser tops , I told her before she started seeing him no , she did on his neck ? His parents went mad ( I don't know them but have asked for contact details ) as did prev parents ,
She lies , Telling friends we let her get drunk , we don't , now love bites despite saying before and me checking after ,
I've told her she can't see him again , she's begging for another chance , said she doesn't have any znd he wanted her to do it
I think she's being risky. ? What do others think !!

OP posts:
Original poster
mumofblu · 04/01/2022 16:09

I'm finding it yuk that my DD is sucking a boys stomach and what that may lead to , is it just me !

OP posts:
CMhater · 04/01/2022 16:25

I'm presuming these love bites are happening in private and she's not sucking his stomach whilst in the park or somewhere else public where others can watch.
This leads me to think that they are getting up to more than what you think they are if they are alone unsupervised.
I think there's a good chance the love bites are only the tip of the iceberg, OP.

Original poster
mumofblu · 04/01/2022 17:13

Both , at park and then I talked with her and he came over on Sunday for first time and they watched a movie supervised until
I had to go upstairs with younger child for half an hour

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 04/01/2022 17:16

Is she using contraception? You’d have to assume she may be sexually active.

Original poster
mumofblu · 04/01/2022 17:37

No not on contraception. This is only second bf . Unfortunately first bf was experienced apparently and had lost virginity young . She says they didn't have sex and o believe her . I read their msgs

OP posts:
Breastfeedingworries · 04/01/2022 17:38

I think she’s sexually active and lying. Love bites above his cock…Hmm

VodselForDinner · 04/01/2022 17:41

New bf now has them above his trouser tops

How on earth do you know this?

She needs to get on the pill and have a mega box of condoms given to her ASAP.

Original poster
mumofblu · 04/01/2022 18:17

I know because I check her phone and saw photos of them .

OP posts:
Original poster
mumofblu · 04/01/2022 18:19

She hasn't been to any boys house only our house but in front room I dont sit in same room but door open

OP posts:
Olliesocks · 04/01/2022 18:27

You’re in denial about her being sexually active already. She needs help to sort out reliable contraception and how to protect herself from potential disease.

KurtWilde · 04/01/2022 18:30

Get her to the GP and sort out contraception, that's the first step. Does this boy go to her school? If so even if you ban her from seeing him in her free time she'll still find a way to be alone with him at school. Getting proactive with the contraceptive is more important than banning her at this point.

LuckyLuckyWoman · 04/01/2022 18:37

I too think you are in denial. TBH I get this, who would want to think their child is sexually active when she is still your baby!

Contraception is your first port of call but a good chat with her is called for.

Original poster
mumofblu · 04/01/2022 18:44

Your right ? It's the last thing I want at such a young age , I've talked openly about not wanting this for her , risk , stdi and fertility , difference in boys and girls attitude , society attitude , everything !
I'm v upset to think she is active sexually but protecting her is more important x

OP posts:
furbabymama87 · 04/01/2022 18:52

She's at that age where you can try your best to stop her but if she's going to be active she will be. I was sexually active at this age and I don't think there were any outward signs, so I think you should assume it's more than love bites.

UserError012345 · 04/01/2022 19:20

OMD worst nightmare!!! I have a DD 14 and I have to say she'd be grounded for a century at love bites. Really feel for you.

EurghCobwebs · 04/01/2022 19:55

@mumofblu

I know because I check her phone and saw photos of them .
I don't think you should be going through her phone. This will only damage your relationship with her as the trust will be lost.

I went to an all girls school and a lot (not all) of the girls in relationships at that age were sexually active (to varying degrees). So from my experience it is a lot more common than some parents would naively like to believe.

The best thing you can do is go along to a sex clinic with her to ensure she is educated/protected. When I was sexually active at that age I had a lot of respect for my parents who would have been absolutely horrified to know what I was up to with my long-term boyfriend. I really wish they had viewed sexual behaviour differently and we had been able to have open conversations as I was very sensible for my age and wish that it hadn't been stigmatised.

Tillymintpolo · 04/01/2022 19:59

Get her an implant or some other reliable contraceptive

Fireatseaparks · 04/01/2022 20:00

Haha you idiot OP. I don't mean that unkindly.

What do you think is going to happen to a 14/15 year old boy (or man) when his partner sucks and licks his lower stomach? What's going to happen physically to a particular body part? And then what, he goes and 'sorts himself out'? Ok. That's what's happening.

Durr!

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 04/01/2022 20:03

There have been lots of posts today about inappropriate sexual activity by 14 yo girls.

Boogaloony · 04/01/2022 20:04

It sounds a bit like your daughter has really low self esteem. Lying, visual signs that she is sexually active etc. she's trying to buy herself up because she thins the "real her " isn't up to much. I would start with that if I was in your shoes.

I was a very similar teenager. I honestly thought that women's worth lay between their legs and what that could for the men that choose them. I had no strong feminine role models, my parents were pretty shit to be fair and I just carried on floundering. I would have loved somebody to ask me what was actually wrong with me.

amylou8 · 04/01/2022 20:13

You won't stop this at 14, she will just do it behind your back. The best thing you can do is get her on the pill.

Original poster
mumofblu · 04/01/2022 20:53

@EurghCobwebs . She knows and accepts I read her phone , she was groomed on line 3 years ago so she knows I do this and I handle what I read sensitively , we have a very close relationship except it's changed since she got bfs ,

OP posts:
Original poster
mumofblu · 04/01/2022 20:59

@Boogaloony . Totally agree , she was sexually assaulted aged 7 and is now waiting to receive counselling . I'm trying to keep her safe but I see her behaviour being linked to that , she talks about that too.

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Boogaloony · 04/01/2022 22:39

@mumofblu I was sexually abused as a child as well. I ricocheted through my life in disaster mode but what really saved me was intensive psychotherapy with a properly qualified psych with an interest in unpicking mood and personality disorders. She was amazing and I went from being an absolute nothing with a history of extreme risk taking and addiction issues at 30 , to having gained two degrees and being totally (prescription and recreationally) drug free by age 40.

I know first hand how hard this is. Because of what I went through, my eldest daughter has a personality disorder that she at least partly inherited from my parenting and my behaviour. It's been BRUTAL but things have started to quieten down with her as she has hit 23-24 ish and the same kind of happened with me. It can be linked to high hormone levels too and I certainly did most of my very risky things around the time I was ovulating. In your shoes I would do everything I can to get her on some contraception.... ideally the injection or similar so she can't "oops" any doses. I gave my daughter £50 every 12 weeks I think it was and that was enough to make sure she got it. Her having a baby young would have been a disaster.

Original poster
mumofblu · 04/01/2022 22:46

@Boogaloony
Thamkyou so much for replying , that sounds so hard for you , I'm so sorry
My Dd was assaulted by an older boy once. , until now I was hoping there wouldn't be harm but puberty and hormones are triggering her I think

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