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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Rooms and disorganisation

37 replies

Nailsbythesea · 27/12/2021 11:00

Not just teenager but younger child too.

The youngest 8 is the messiest - it’s just on an epic scale. We can spend an entire day sorting cleaning and tidying his room and everything is organised and in its place. Eg basket for school trousers on the school uniform shelf. We have a labelled place for everything.

We can leave the room and by 6 pm it is like a floating pig sty again - all toys pulled out again. The odd socks he seems to delight in wearing. He takes his clothes off and shoved them in drawers under the bed etc I could cry.

Getting him to tidy it alone he just starts playing and chatting to himself.

Teenager is similar although her desk is organised.

I’m at my wits end.

I can’t just shut the door as the youngest needs his glasses etc and he just can’t find them for homework as he shoves them down the side of the bed or whatever.

4 hours on Christmas Eve tidying their rooms

2 hours already today and nothing looks any different.

I have suggested black sacking everything or the bin and there is obviously a melt down,

I have tried reward charts, telling them how it makes me feel

Youngest I could not even open the door this morning

Eldest open their door they jump out of bed as they don’t want me to see all
The crap on the floor

Has anyone made a messy child - tidy.

I’m really Ill with it. Youngest hasn’t done any homework for a week no reading etc as always losing glasses etc

OP posts:
Strugglingtodomybest · 27/12/2021 11:10

There's no point upsetting yourself about it, imo. I have 2 boys, with rooms like pig sties. I've been where you are and the only thing to solve this was... a girlfriend. Yes, recently, I actually caught DS1 (17) tidying, hoovering and (drum roll please) changing his bed! A Christmas miracle!

I have coped by just shutting the door, or cleaning it up because I want to, for me.

Strugglingtodomybest · 27/12/2021 11:11

Could you keep a spare pair of glasses somewhere?

Original poster
Nailsbythesea · 27/12/2021 11:23

@Strugglingtodomybest

Could you keep a spare pair of glasses somewhere?
I'd love it -but specsavers have only allowed him one pair.
OP posts:
SundayTeatime · 27/12/2021 11:29

What do you mean, they only allowed him one pair? Why can’t you get another pair?

Original poster
Nailsbythesea · 27/12/2021 11:38

@SundayTeatime

What do you mean, they only allowed him one pair? Why can’t you get another pair?
He's 8 he got a pair of glasses from Specsavers. One pair -bring it back free replacement if he breaks them etc. ??

We weren't given the option of more than one

OP posts:
SundayTeatime · 27/12/2021 11:40

Of course you have an option of more. You can buy as many pairs as you want.

Tippexy · 27/12/2021 11:40

You… can buy another pair? Confused

oftenbaffled · 27/12/2021 11:46

I don’t tolerate it

And whilst they moan, ultimately they do benefit from it

Every single day, at the end of the day, I say that it’s not screen or electronics until floor is clear and desk organised

I’m also brutal with charity runs for outgrown clothes (oh and clothes militarily organised) and toys / stuff no longer played or used.

oftenbaffled · 27/12/2021 11:49

It is tiring (for me!) but worth it

comeundone · 27/12/2021 11:51

Select specs is good for cheap spare glasses, I've a pair for in the car, you just add in the prescription and the numbers from the frame (there's a guide on the site).
You can't make others be tidy, but it is your house and you can sanction of they're dirty, refuse to help when things are lost in the mess (eldest child will keep everything in wardrobe and cry when tiny items of deep sentimental value get lost in the mess, I'm no longer responsible for this and it is slowly improving, they asked for help with tidying before Xmas)

haba · 27/12/2021 11:52

Definitely get a second pair (and Specsavers are home of 2for1 on specs Confused) as children can break their specs so easily.

But I have no idea what the solution is to children's rooms, other than throw out everything (which I know isn't going to happen).
Get them into minimalism or Feng Shui...?

RoseMartha · 27/12/2021 11:58

I do just shut the door on it most of the time. They know they need to keep it tidy but cant be bothered. Any clothes and make up etc they leave in other rooms I put in their room if they refuse to move it.

I go in and change the bedding regularly and have suggested they do this themselves. Usually tell me to f off.

I go in to hoover once a week

Abt once a month I tidy it if its particularly bad.

They remove rubbish and put clothes in the wash every 7-10 days.

Oldest is worst at tidying. And gets violent if I go in and tidy and violent and blames me if she cant find what she needs in the mess! Cant win.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 27/12/2021 12:01

I was that messy teenager. My parents got me an ottoman bed to stop me shoving stuff under it.
But to be honest, I only really got tidy when I moved out and realised I couldn't deal with a messy house, mine and dh bedroom is still fairly messy though 🤦‍♀️

oftenbaffled · 27/12/2021 12:01

@RoseMartha

Your eldest gets violent if you tidy?

2reefsin30knots · 27/12/2021 12:02

Sounds like the 8yo has too much stuff to me. I'd have a massive cull.

WhiteXmas99 · 27/12/2021 12:02

With teenagers just close the door and never go in there. Warn them that any insect or vermin infestations will be dealt with by you throwing everything away and disconnecting the internet for a month.

Eight year olds can not really tidy rooms alone. You either need to do it with them or have a list that they check off.
eg Every night dirty clothes in laundry basket/toys in to box/on school nights clothes out for following dy etc.

You need a designated place (or a couple if you have a big house) for the 8 year old to put glasses each time they take them off. You also need a cheap spare pair.

oftenbaffled · 27/12/2021 12:07

Can’t believe so many just saying close the door!

It’s a family home and whilst each person’s room is their private space, they do have to respect the home and the person (me!) who does the lion share of housework and all their laundry etc.

No bloody way am I just closing door to a pit.

Plus… it’s in their interest. An organised study space

felulageller · 27/12/2021 12:17

Get another pair of glasses which you keep.

Close the door.

Lifes too short to sweat the small stuff.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 27/12/2021 12:21

We say no food or drinks upstairs as I know they’d grow mould. I really struggle with the mess (3dc - Dd1 pretty good but socks randomly stuffed places; dd3 likes to be tidy but has so much stuff and is lazy; dd2 is a whirlwind of mess - she can destroy a tidy room in seconds). I need to learn to close the doors and walk away… it’s so hard.

TheSmallAssassin · 27/12/2021 12:34

I would have some sort of consequence for not doing homework - that's the thing that matters here. Then it's up to your son to keep his glasses somewhere safe, so he can do his work and you can just shut the door on the mess.

In our house, the kids washing bin is on the landing and I would only ever wash stuff that is in there (they are in charge of their own washing now they are teenagers) so I ignored their rooms as I didn't have to go into them.

Original poster
Nailsbythesea · 27/12/2021 12:45

@Tippexy

You… can buy another pair? Confused
Errr £69 and I'm a single parent. Optician has said his eyesight is changing at the moment so they are seeing him every 6-9 months. He has 3 pairs of football socks -doesn't stop him currently having one single football sock in his football bag? More stuff is just more to lose.
OP posts:
Original poster
Nailsbythesea · 27/12/2021 12:46

@oftenbaffled

Can’t believe so many just saying close the door!

It’s a family home and whilst each person’s room is their private space, they do have to respect the home and the person (me!) who does the lion share of housework and all their laundry etc.

No bloody way am I just closing door to a pit.

Plus… it’s in their interest. An organised study space

I couldn't even open the door this morning I literally had to push it hard and it opened like 7 cm the floor was covered and I mean covered. We have really gone for it this morning. But I've told him bedtime is 30 minutes earlier that time can either be a story or tidying his room -his choice. EVERY DAY.
OP posts:
stargirl1701 · 27/12/2021 12:47

Far fewer things would be the answer.

He needs to learn to tidy just a few. Say, 5 toys, 5 books, 5 pairs of socks, 5 pants, etc. Take everything else out of his room.

When he copes with 5, he can then try 7.

GoodnightGrandma · 27/12/2021 12:49

I’d box it all up and put it somewhere else, garage if you’ve got one.
He gets one box to play with. When he’s bored he puts it all back in the box, and only them can he have another box.

Feelingoktoday · 27/12/2021 12:50

No food or drink upstairs. They bring their washing down and load the washing machine. Clean clothes go in a box outside their room for teen to sort out. Close door and ignore.

8 year old is far too young to be moaning at all the time about a room.

Why does it make you ill? I think you should see a GP about your anxiety. How can a messy room make you ill when we are in a pandemic and so many people are really suffering from isolation, Covid, cancer ops being cancelled etc.

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