Rooms and disorganisation

[Nailsbythesea]

Not just teenager but younger child too.

The youngest 8 is the messiest - it’s just on an epic scale. We can spend an entire day sorting cleaning and tidying his room and everything is organised and in its place. Eg basket for school trousers on the school uniform shelf. We have a labelled place for everything.

We can leave the room and by 6 pm it is like a floating pig sty again - all toys pulled out again. The odd socks he seems to delight in wearing. He takes his clothes off and shoved them in drawers under the bed etc I could cry.

Getting him to tidy it alone he just starts playing and chatting to himself.

Teenager is similar although her desk is organised.

I’m at my wits end.

I can’t just shut the door as the youngest needs his glasses etc and he just can’t find them for homework as he shoves them down the side of the bed or whatever.

4 hours on Christmas Eve tidying their rooms

2 hours already today and nothing looks any different.

I have suggested black sacking everything or the bin and there is obviously a melt down,

I have tried reward charts, telling them how it makes me feel

Youngest I could not even open the door this morning

Eldest open their door they jump out of bed as they don’t want me to see all
The crap on the floor

Has anyone made a messy child - tidy.

I’m really Ill with it. Youngest hasn’t done any homework for a week no reading etc as always losing glasses etc

Withold privelages unless it is tidy.

Both my dds are messy! The 15yr old is slowly getting better as she keeps loosing things in her room. So it’s making her put stuff away (a bit).
12yr old is terrible. Clothes just left on the floor, never organised, absolute tip!
Every now and then I either do it myself, or we do it together.
I have said I am getting tougher on it in the new year and will start chucking stuff out if it’s left lying around.
My ds was similar, but he now has his own house and is pretty good at cleaning and tidying.
He has been known to pop round to borrow cleaning products 😂
So there is hope!

Just get rid of 95% of it. If they can pull it out and it’s thick piles on the floor within hours it’s just too much stuff.

@oftenbaffled
Yes if she cant find something she wants. She will not look for things either.

I put stuff where it belongs.

She has asd. Very verbally aggressive/abusive and will push and shove me in this situation. ( Verbal stuff is learnt behaviour from my exh, I posted on another thread about this earlier today as another poster was having problems with her dc).

She cant self regulate and has no desire to learn to do so or to let outside people help her. She also escalates the physical violence to leave physical damage to me when frustrated or if I do not do everything she wants. Because I do not do everything she wants this is a common occurrence.

She is very strong.

The relevant professionals are aware of situation and supporting where they can.

@haba

Definitely get a second pair (and Specsavers are home of 2for1 on specs ) as children can break their specs so easily.

But I have no idea what the solution is to children's rooms, other than throw out everything (which I know isn't going to happen).
Get them into minimalism or Feng Shui...?

Specsavers stopped doing the 2 for 1 offer during the early days of Covid and never brought it back.

Bit of a pain having one pair of glasses going between home and school but at the moment we just can't afford a second pair.

everything is organised and in its place. Eg basket for school trousers on the school uniform shelf. We have a labelled place for everything.

imo too complicated for an 8 year old. you need to minimise the crap and simplify the storage. I also think at 8 you need to help them keep it tidy. So when you are in their room (which is probably daily), say lets put the washing away together, can you pop those clothes in the laundry, if you arent playing with that toy can you put it away, lets tidy up before bed, your rooms is looking great etc so it never gets to a stage it is a huge job to fix. Kids are not naturally tidy, they need regular encouragement and praise until it becomes a habit.

Your teen should be able to do it, but only if they have been taught/encouraged into a habit from a younger age.

Then again, some kids even with all that encouragement do mind mess, if they prefer that leave them to it!!!!

I was a disaster as a kid. My mum, obviously at the end of her tether, told me if I didn't put my things away anything left out would be bagged up and donated.

Of course I ignored her, then proceed to lose everything left out including multiple barbies, toys, my favourite dress. Worst part for me was having to bag up my things and go with my parents to donate it.

The joke after then was it gave me OCD for cleaning and organising - literally as an adult have had counselling to get on top of it during stressful times.

But at least I'm organised, tidy and clean from the age of 11!

Dc1, 10, has adhd and his room can equally get to that level of mess, just as quickly. He also regularly loses things and forgets things. We go in at least once a month and put everything away, tidy and hoover because it gets to the point where he doesn't know where to start. We don't allow food or drink up there at all.

@Pinkflipflop85 maybe only certain branches? My DS is almost blind, and has new specs every 12 months, due to fluctuating prescriptions. Even with a higher NHS voucher, it still costs a fortune for specs, but he has to have a spare pair because he cannot function without a working pair. Our Specsavers did 2for1 in march this year when he got new ones.

@felulageller

Get another pair of glasses which you keep.

Close the door.

Lifes too short to sweat the small stuff.

Totally agree! The one good piece of advice my mum gave me. Shut the door! When friends come round they will eventually tidy it up themselves xxx

You don’t have to tolerate it OP, I wouldn’t. I have 3 boys and I had to start dishing out consequences for this, and guess what they started putting their stuff away!
Make a simple chart (or get them to make it) that goes on their bedroom door with a few simple bullet point jobs eg
•dirty clothes in laundry
• clean clothes put away
•books on shelf

They have to check the list every evening before bed. Just those 5 minute jobs will make such a difference.

If they don’t do it they lose privileges.

Rooms have been tidy for 5 days now.

Deadline for timer one hour or no treats seems to be working. Quick tidy in evening and I’ve have taken some items out and had a cull of clothes. Much better. Glasses on the table at all times when not on your Face Is working too