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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD refusing to eat 'at school'

27 replies

MrsWembley · 02/12/2021 09:29

DD is actually still only 12 but is acting like a fully fledged teen already!Hmm

She hasn't eaten breakfast before heading out for a few months now, but I remember being like that and other teenagers I know have a similar attitude towards food first thing. But now she's saying she doesn't want to eat lunch at school either!!

How common is this? Is it a phase? She'll eat when she comes home, but we're concerned that it'll affect her concentration levels during the day.

HelpSad

OP posts:
slaybell · 02/12/2021 09:30

Has she given a reason as to why she won't eat at school?

Hoppinggreen · 02/12/2021 09:33

Mine rarely ate at school from Reception until she left at 16.
Both schools worked with us to help her but it was very hit and miss, plus she wasn’t keen on breakfast either.
I was very worried about her health and I am sure she would have been able to concentrate better and have fewer other emotional issues if she had just eaten at school.
Anyway, she always performed very well academically so at least it didnt affect that.

TooMuchPaper · 02/12/2021 11:17

Have you spoken to the school. A call to your GP may be in order as well. I would be very concerned that this may be the start of an eating disorder of some kind. Is she losing weight? Does she restrict at the weekends as well?

mommabear2386 · 02/12/2021 19:47

My SD 15 will eat a slice of toast at a push in the morning ana has stopped taking lunch all all together apart from a bag of crisps or a few biscuits! We've had a go at her but she just says she doesn't want it but she does eat well at home

Original poster
MrsWembley · 04/12/2021 17:01

She does eat well enough at home, so I'm not worried about it leading to an eating disorder, but she went pescatarian a year ago, so it's bloody awkward anyway!

She is conscious of eating healthily and eats veg and salad regularly, it's just her not eating for hours and how it might be affecting her school work that worries me.

OP posts:
ChittyChittyBoomBoom · 04/12/2021 17:16

My dd (almost 15) is the same. Not eaten breakfast for a long time but now won’t eat at school either. She now takes a cereal type bar and a bag of crisps 🙄. Obviously she’s starving when she gets home so she has a good snack (toast/crackers), a good sized tea and often supper. I worry that it’s messing with her blood sugar levels, energy levels as well as poor habits but I’m not sure what else I can do?

Comedycook · 04/12/2021 17:22

My ds 13 refuses to eat breakfast. He has money on his lunch account at all times but he never uses it. If I make him a packed lunch, he refuses to eat it. He comes home from school starving and eats everything! He's a normal height and weight...but it's very frustrating

Fritilleries · 05/12/2021 13:18

@MrsWembley

She does eat well enough at home, so I'm not worried about it leading to an eating disorder, but she went pescatarian a year ago, so it's bloody awkward anyway!

She is conscious of eating healthily and eats veg and salad regularly, it's just her not eating for hours and how it might be affecting her school work that worries me.

Yeh.... this sets off major alarms for me. Consciously eating very healthily would make me question whether she would eat carbs happily? Sounds restrictive.
Suprima · 05/12/2021 13:23

Sounds like she’s dieting tbh. I remember girls doing the same when I was at high school 10 years ago. If she is health conscious the rest of the time, it doesn’t sound like she’s just ‘not hungry’ during the day.
The going pesci may then turn into veggie, then vegan, as a way of controlling her diet.

I’d keep an eye. Will she take sushi or a rainbow rice salad or a smoothie? Something healthy and trendy?

Elieza · 05/12/2021 13:23

Doesn’t sound good.

You need to get to the bottom of this. What’s her reason for not eating breakfast before she leaves? It just seems all kinds of wrong to not eat for the majority of the day.

As for eating well at home, are you aware if she goes to the bathroom when she disappears towards her room, because she could be throwing it all up?

IncompleteSenten · 05/12/2021 13:26

Try and find out if her friends are skipping lunch. It may be there is something going on there.

If she doesn't want to eat breakfast could you persuade her to have a breakfast drink instead? Like those wheatabix things.

Seeline · 05/12/2021 13:29

What are the lunch arrangements at school? Many have very short breaks these days with very little time to eat, especially if having to queue in the canteen. With a packed lunch she might be having to eat somewhere else, not with her friends.

Comefromaway · 07/12/2021 10:56

Ds wouldn't eat at school because he couldn't cope with the environment of the canteen. Things improved when he changed school in Year 9 and they let him eat in the music room.

JudyGemstone · 07/12/2021 11:01

My daughter is nearly 15 and the same, as are most of her friends. They don’t like the food on offer at school, also I think they don’t want to be bothered with going and getting something to eat in their short break.

She takes snacks and usually has a quick breakfast. I think it’s a phase and it it doesn’t overly concern me as she eats at home well enough.

Doona · 07/12/2021 11:02

I have only one kid who eats reliably at school. The others are slightly more likely to eat simple food especially snack food. But a lot of the time they come home ravenous having eaten nothing. Not teens yet, some kind of anxiety? No idea really.

Original poster
MrsWembley · 07/12/2021 15:17

It does sound like she's not alone in this! Thanks again for the reassurance. I'm really not worried about an eating disorder, she does eat quite happily at home, if annoying in her choice of a slightly restricted diet Hmm

I'm more concerned about her being able to work properly, but it seems as if maybe teens are designed differently and the mood swings I have grown to associate with hunger are a product of their younger years. Tbh, I don't know if I'd be able to differentiate a mood swing due to hunger from one of her many other mood swings, anyway!Confused

OP posts:
TooMuchPaper · 07/12/2021 15:20

If you go out for a meal will she eat in a restaurant? We had a child in our extended family who gradually withdrew from eating anywhere but at home. It happened so slowly that it wasn't noticed for ages. Took a lot of work to overcome. Social anxiety around eating needs to be watched.

GrimDamnFanjo · 07/12/2021 15:23

I'd be very careful and keep an eye on this.
My DD has anorexia and has always eaten at home but not at school.

NavigatingAdolescence · 07/12/2021 15:25

My DD has always hated breakfast and never wants to eat at lunchtime. She has eaten her lunch after school for about 6 years (she’s 11).

I never want to eat before noon and rarely do before 2/3/4pm so maybe she has got it from me. DD is bright and growing well so I don’t worry about it. The idea of fixed mealtimes is a biological anathema to me.

Thatldo · 07/12/2021 15:46

I am not surprised,she doesnt want to eat at school.most school dinners are horrid,without any good nutrition. She is obviously aware of a healthy diet.could she not take some food for lunch from home?

Rollergirl11 · 07/12/2021 19:43

Another one here hearing major alarm bells. My 15yr old DD is recovering from Anorexia. She was eating everything put in front of her at home but was eating absolutely nothing else fit the entire day. Before she knew it she was restricting to less than 500 calories a day. She ended up in hospital.

Suddenly going vegan/vegetarian/pescatarian and deciding to “eat healthy” is a socially acceptable way to restrict and is very often how ED’s start.

OP please please don’t disregard the possibility that she could be tipping in to disordered eating and keep a close eye on your DD.

Jacaranda75 · 07/12/2021 19:47

My DS15 goes all day with no food. Doesn’t have breakfast, too self-conscious to eat in the school canteen. He has money on his lunch card but never uses it. He says it’s because he has no friends therefore no one to go to the canteen with.

However, he eats a big dinner in the evening and invariably has seconds and then snacks, so I try not to worry.

MerryMarigold · 07/12/2021 19:53

If she's keen on being healthy I would suggest she eats breakfast as a way of being healthy, maybe something like greek yoghurt which is not difficult to get down and can be filling.

Original poster
MrsWembley · 07/12/2021 21:43

To everyone worried about anorexia, without going into details, we are familiar with it in the family and it's definitely not something I'm worried about Smile

She had school dinners at first, but with constant changes to the school routine over the last year, and a change in the timing of her year going to the canteen meaning there was nothing left she wanted, she went to packed lunches in September. She says her friends take a packed lunch, so that's not the issue. I'm reduced to shoving a cereal bar at her as she leaves now, although I'm not keen on her having them on a long term basis.

At least I feel better knowing that she's not the only one!

OP posts:
Elieza · 08/12/2021 08:25

That sounds awful. If they are selling out if stuff that quickly that one year is always left with hardly any choice it should be a matter for further discussion.

The school should be doing some kind of investigations and changing things again.

Get onto the school and tell them that half the kids are not eating anything all day as there are insufficient choices left by whatever time and see what they say? It may help others whose mums aren’t able to deal with such matters. Their kids will be starving too.

Can you imagine the story if it got into the papers ‘school kids starving all day every day after lunch runs out’

Something would be done then!