Please tell me positives about teens

[MerryMarigold]

I've always wanted children. I was a very very happy SAHM when they were little. I've gone back to work past couple of years (with small children) and I love that. But my teens just drain the life out of me. They deliberately hurt me and say hurtful things to me, they don't listen, they are ungrateful for just about everything I do, they argue with every request I make, they don't help without a big argument. I have health issues which they bring up as me being lazy (I have chronic fatigue syndrome so I sleep after work and a lot at the weekend). They used to bring me so much joy but now I feel so drained and it's making me quite depressed. To be honest it's just the boys. DD doesn't do this, but she spends a lot of time at friends and never invites them here because our house isn't 'modern' or immaculately tidy (been in friends' houses and they are beautiful like it of magazine) so that is hurtful in a different way.

Please cheer me up with some good sides of teenagers because right now I just want to move out, go on holiday alone and leave them to it.

Myths? Kids!

Yes!! A bonus of them needing you less. Where would you like to go?

Mine are 18 and 22 now and I can honestly say that I loved the teenage years. By that stage you can have discussions and really interesting conversations.

We all generally got on well together, but we weren't naggy parents.

Academically - kids perform better when happy and calm.

Not every kid needs straight 9s at GCSEs. The average is still 5s! We all know people who got to uni, did a course and then never used it. If your partner can chill out about grades your kid might surprise him.

They don't stay teens forever

DD 14 was a menace as a toddler and is still a menace. She swears like a sailor, is bright but bone idle- motivated only by the promise of new piercing per grade 7 she brings home, and can us the most stubborn person I know (no idea where she gets it from ). DS 15 is dramatic and flouncy (argumentative Julian Clary) and the pair of them bicker endlessly about non-existent shit.

But. Big but. They’re good kids, hearts of gold. Endlessly kind, socialist, environmentally responsible, funny, and bright, and I couldn’t love them more or be prouder of the yoofs they have become.

Being a teenager is hard. It’s really bloody hard. Living with teenagers is a game, and a balance between boundaries and giving them space to make (small) mistakes. It’s hard and it’s really shitty sometimes but it won’t last forever, much like the terrible twos. Try not to take it personally or too seriously. They will come through, and so will you.