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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

18 year old at uni..worried about her

35 replies

Geminigal66 · 16/10/2021 17:02

So my dd started uni September..worrying about her because I feel she is not happy 😞 she is living in private rented student accommodation and girls she staying with are tbh dirty bit*hes..but I think there is more to why she is unhappy..doesn't help that she is over 400 miles away 😞..really don't know what to do..

OP posts:

Kuachui · 16/10/2021 17:03

You need to just talk to her, offer her guidance and support. If she is unhappy with who she lives with then she can try and move? Or tell her to talk to her uni, some universities are really helpful and will do what they can do to support her in her studies.

Hellocatshome · 16/10/2021 17:11

Don't refer to her flat mates as dirty bitches for a start. If she has specific issues with some of the things they are doing or not doing help her find a mature way to discuss it with them.

Motnight · 16/10/2021 17:15

Dirty bitches???

benelephant · 16/10/2021 17:17

@Geminigal66

YOU feel she's not happy, has your DD said she's not happy?

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 17/10/2021 11:32

So you have deep personal knowledge about your DD's flatmates to use these terms for them?
If yes, help her to move (though she should be able to do that on her own).
If not, your DD and you are probably the problem.

sleepwouldbenice · 17/10/2021 11:36

OP there is a Facebook group called what I wish I knew about university

Post in there

There are lots of students unhappy every year, including with their flat mates.Yiu can try to explore more there

LIZS · 17/10/2021 11:49

if your dd is even a fraction as judgemental as you that might make it difficult to settle. The "bitches" are other mothers' teenage daughters, possibly also away from home for first time and trying to fit in. If their personalities and behaviour clash so badly could your dd room swap?

Lanique · 17/10/2021 11:51

Gosh I'm sorry Op, I have every sympathy for your dd as I remember having a rough time at Uni in my first term until I managed to move flats, but you lost me at 'dirty bitches' I'm afraid.

brushlaptop · 17/10/2021 11:53

You also lost me at "dirty bitches". What do you mean by this? Are they unhygienic?

HarrietSchulenberg · 17/10/2021 11:59

If your DD is unhappy in her accommodation, she could look to move or swap. If she found the accommodation through the university she could speak with the accommodation team about this.

If she is unhappy with other aspects of student life the welfare team should be able to help. Joining clubs and societies is a great way of making friends with similar interests who she could hang out with to help her feel less affected by her flatmates' lifestyles.

Your use of "dirty bitches" is disgusting and doesn't show you in a good light. Perhaps consider if your attitude is affecting your DD's judgment.

Original poster

Geminigal66 · 19/10/2021 17:16

So after reading comments on my thread I apologise wholeheartedly for using such bad words..let me tell you lot the complete story..DD living im student accommodation..shared kitchen ok..some of students clearly don't know how to live in a civilised manner..is that OK with explaining it this way??? Shared fridge with moldy food ..a cucumber that has gone rotten and leaking onto my daughter's food..DD approached this matter only to be stonewalled by incumbent resident..jeez I'm only asking for how to approach help..but it goes to say mumsnet lol MUM remember that is a joke ..won't ever ask for advice from u lot again

OP posts:

ssd · 19/10/2021 17:18

Calm down dear

Iamacatslave · 19/10/2021 17:20

I’m sorry your daughter is having a hard time at University. Is there any chance she could move to different accommodation?

Aquamarine1029 · 19/10/2021 17:22

If your daughter shares your disposition, it's no wonder she's miserable.

Cascascascas · 19/10/2021 17:22

@Geminigal66

A lot of judges on here

LIZS · 19/10/2021 17:24

Hardly crime of the century.

FavouriteMug · 19/10/2021 17:25

At my daughters Uni one of the male students had a massive poo and left it in the rice cooker on a low heat over the half term break - she managed to survive and walk away with a 1st

I mean, puts the mouldy cucumber 🥒 into perspective.

Just think how robust her immune system will be after 3 years

DriftGames · 19/10/2021 17:26

OP had you have said 'my DD is at uni 400 miles away and I don't think she's happy, her flat mates aren't too hygienic and DD has approached this but was met with hostility, how can I help her, if at all?' You'd probably have gotten some more heartfelt responses, but your post came across quite judgemental and you've not really given us much to go on.

We are trying to help, but you're now being hostile with us, which is fairly hypocritical.

I do hope your DD is okay, maybe set up a video call, have a nice chat about her degree and then ask her to talk to you about her living situation, and see if you can make any suggestions in response to what she says. Good luck.

GrimDamnFanjo · 19/10/2021 17:27

My son had to live with a difficult housemate. He built a social group outside the house.
I'd check how upset your daughter is and whether it could be just a bit of homesickness making everything seem worse.
I actually think it was good for him in the long run as he learnt to manage someone he didn't get on with.

NotPersephone · 19/10/2021 17:33

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

titchy · 19/10/2021 17:34

Dear God OP I found a mouldy cucumber in our fridge the other day and I'm a middle aged woman! Seriously it's a pain when others aren't particularly hygienic but part and parcel of life sharing with others. You both really need to chill.she's going to have a very long an unpleasant three years otherwise - you'd do well to encourage a bit more robustness in her.

At least they're buying fruit and veg if not eating it.....

TheBeesKnee · 19/10/2021 17:37

Does she actually want you to do anything or is she just having a moan? Did you go to uni, out of interest? Because what you're describing sounds totally average.

geordieprincess · 19/10/2021 17:47

hmmm - I think I might have had a mouldy cucumber in my fridge fairly recently! This is meant in the nicest way but please don't make her more unhappy by agreeing these things are a problem. You need to minimise them where you can - otherwise you're both going to get very stressed. If she really can't deal with mouldy cucumber moving to another flat isn't going to help. She would be better on her own but this then brings a whole new set of problems.

olidora63 · 19/10/2021 17:49

If you are concerned about your daughter I would be inclined to book a B and B and go and see her . It’s very hard to know how unhappy a teenager is without actually seeing them face to face.
I did this and it was really worth the time ,money and effort for peace of mind.

Pyewackect · 19/10/2021 17:55

When I was a student nurse we were regularly being given lectures on personally hygiene and on several occasions students were marched off to the locker room to have a shower because it was obvious that they hadn't had a wash in days. Also, when we lived in hospital accommodation the warden would make periodic checks and at least two students were kicked out, because of the appaling state of their rooms. I'm afraid students , or some of them, will happily live like pigs if left to their own devices. It was interesting that none of the offending student nurses were male !!!!.

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