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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

16 yo DD and sleepover with boys?

28 replies

Yogsgirl · 21/09/2021 15:57

DD, 16, has asked if she can sleep over at a male friends house- there will be her and another boy (so 3 of them) they want to watch films! Would you allow it? We don't these boys or their parents- they're relatively new friends of hers.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yogsgirl · 21/09/2021 15:58

Don't know them!

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Original poster
Yogsgirl · 21/09/2021 16:45

She says they are just friends, not boyfriend.

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Halloweiner · 21/09/2021 16:47

No. Absolutely not.

Ericaequites · 21/09/2021 16:48

It’s inappropriate. That is a complete sentence.

Original poster
Yogsgirl · 21/09/2021 16:56

Thank you- I was feeling quite lenient and was considering it on the grounds that unless they were planning a threesome it was probably all quite innocent. DH said no.

We are talking about compromising and letting her go for the evening to watch film and picking her up at 10pm. What do you think about that?

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sofakingcool · 21/09/2021 17:02

I think the small group and new friends would concern me

DS has a huge mix sex group of friends, it's rare for a "sleep over" (aka all night party) to involve just boys - so short of telling him he can never go, I've had to accept he'll be staying overnight with girls. It's usually a largish group though and they've all been friends for 5+ years

FindingMeno · 21/09/2021 17:05

I'd be OK with it, but my dc's have earned my trust through gradually increasing freedoms.

Itsnotdeep · 21/09/2021 17:11

no bloody way.

mafted · 21/09/2021 17:12

Mine were going to mixed sex sleepovers at 16 although it was in larger groups.

If you feel uncomfortable then I'd say the 10pm pick up is a decent compromise although if your DC is anything like mine prepare for negotiation with the timings.

MissBPotter · 21/09/2021 17:13

No way, especially since you don’t know them and she’s doesn’t know them too well! Surprised you would even consider it. I would be cautious even if these were girls in this scenario. Tbh I wouldn’t be happy about going round for the evening either but perhaps I am being a bit cautious- it’s just that they are an unknown quantity and that worries me.

Original poster
Yogsgirl · 21/09/2021 17:13

Ah, so there are some other parents that would be ok with it. I've always trusted dd to be sensible and look after herself- she went camping with these same boys in the summer but there was another girl with them as well and boys and girls slept in different tents- although there was no adults with them to police this but I'm sure they didn't do anything inappropriate. I've never had any reason to not trust dd's judgement before.

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Original poster
Yogsgirl · 21/09/2021 17:16

I think it's tricky- if you can't go to a boy's house at age 16 when can you? I'm wary of labelling boys as dangerous creatures...

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brittleheadgirl · 21/09/2021 17:16

I'd be fine with it but only if they were long term friends.
Ds hosts and goes to mixed sleepovers but he's part of a long established friendship group so a very different scenario!

FoxgloveSummers · 21/09/2021 17:16

I would wonder why tbh - norm with kids is usually same sex sleepover or big mixed group. Unless they are a group of some kind eg all drawing a graphic novel together.

Original poster
Yogsgirl · 21/09/2021 17:18

I mean, she's beyond the age of consent and well aware of the need for precautions etc.- even though I am certain she's barely kissed a boy before. I think I would feel happier if there was another girl or two going to be there.

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MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 21/09/2021 17:19

A blanket no won't work...... She's 16, it will just lead to her sneaking around and not telling you anything.

Could you compromise by having the sleepover at yours or seeing if she can invite a couple of female friends? 🤔

brittleheadgirl · 21/09/2021 17:19

@Yogsgirl

I think it's tricky- if you can't go to a boy's house at age 16 when can you? I'm wary of labelling boys as dangerous creatures...
That's a great attitude! I've been drumming in the concept of consent etc with my ds for many years and my dh is a lovely male role model too. I trust him to be respectful of his female friends and from what I hear (and judging from the massive amount of female friends he has!) he's a good un! It's hard though, I have a dd too and appreciate the worries you have op.
FindingMeno · 21/09/2021 17:20

If they're going to get up to anything they don't need a sleepover to do that.
I'm of the opinion that it does young people a disservice to not acknowledge that opposite sex friendships are healthy, and to mistrust any of their judgement.
It's a big world out there. I left home at 17 and I'm glad I didn't have an overly sheltered home life because it gave me the tools to be able to make sensible choices and decisions for myself.

Original poster
Yogsgirl · 21/09/2021 17:22

She's known these boys a few months- they formed a friendship group on an activity course during the summer and hit it off well and have been hanging out all summer. There are a couple of other girls in the group too but think they have other plans for this particular night. I think we'll stick with picking up late evening for now.

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SlidDownTheElephantsTrunk · 21/09/2021 17:22

My DS has had many, many sleep overs with his group of female friends. Both in groups and individually.

I used to have a lot of male friends who stayed over at mine for the night.

Does having sex only happen after 10pm ?

SleepingStandingUp · 21/09/2021 17:23

I have boys so it's not that boys are l bad, but it would make me uncomfortable in your position that IF they wanted more, she'd struggle to fight two males off. Pick up at 11?

Original poster
Yogsgirl · 21/09/2021 17:27

@SleepingStandingUp Oh my goodness- I can't imagine they'd work in pairs?

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WillaWeatherspoon · 21/09/2021 17:27

I went on a sleepover with the same dynamic when I was 16 OP, I was sleeping with one of them (the other lad just played video games downstairs in the living room to give us some space for a bit).
But they're 16 and as long as she understands about safe sex and consent and the potential consequences then obviously it's going to happen sometime unless you keep her under lock and key.

GatoradeMeBitch · 21/09/2021 18:18

I barely escaped a horrible situation at the same age. Newish male friend, very friendly (too much so actually, it was a sign I missed until after the fact). We met up a few times, then he said I should come to his mates house, they were messing about with their bikes in the garage. As soon as the door closed the atmosphere changed.

It's not pleasant to teach your child that boys can be dangerous, but they can be. It's just a fact.

Splashinginpuddles15 · 21/09/2021 18:18

No way .

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