Teen ignoring boundaries/rules/consequences

[borrymum]

What do you do when your 16 year old refuses to follow any house rules? Then they ignore consequences. I have kept boundaries in place and keep enforcing basic rules such as curfews, not being on their phone all night, keeping up with school work and they ignore it all. Tried to take the phone away twice (in the space of 6 months in utter desperation) and he ran away both times, switched off the broadband and he tried to smash the house up. He is aggressive, argumentative and does not communicate with us. He is failing at school as well. We have no one to help and no where for him to go so we can get some peace for a while, it's making us ill.

Thanks @InspectorHastings I'm hoping this is the change he needs. Will calm down and carry on again but it's hard

Don't panic. This is not the end of the story. My ds dropped out of school at that age. He is older now and says it was due to total panic about exams etc even though he never said that at the time only let on to be this cool guy who didn't give a dam. Let him get a job for the moment. Take all pressure off him and yourself. Don't get sucked into a big drama. Play it cool. Just say..l'm sure you will work something out.
Inside he will be falling apart so you stay calm.
I know what it's like so have a lot of sympathy. My ds ended up going back into education as a mature student, has a degree, earms same as me , drives a fancy car and is good company. BUT there was a difficult time in between.
I cannot stress enough how important it is for you and dh to keep cool now as ye are the adults and let him feel the impact of the expulsion while he decides what to do next. I don't know the UK system but is there an opportunity for kids who drop out to do exams in a freer situation when they are ready. We have that in lreland and it suits some kids. Hang in there. All is not lost.

@junebirthdaygirl that sounds so amazing, he has done so well! We have just had a message from school to say that he may get one more chance so fingers crossed. If he does this won't be the last hurdle I'm sure. We are getting more used to this and don't react as much as we used to but it feels exhausting. Ds is very young in his year, if he had been born at the right time he would have been well into going to the year below so the immaturity doesn't help. Thanks for sharing your experience, it helps give me hope

Hang in there. You're going through the shit years at the moment. I always smile when I read the posts of new parents and their trials and tribulations. Aye it's really tough when they're wee but when they hit their teens, the fun really starts! Best advice I ever got for dealing with this type of behaviour is choose your battles and don't sweat the small stuff. At that age, they need to learn to accept the consequences of their actions. And, hard as it is, you need to let them. My oldest son is now almost 17 years old and our relationship has come on leaps and bounds in the last few years but it's a work in progress. And keep loving them, even when it's really bloody hard!!

I remember going though a period where my three would all go to bed easily and eat what they were given and generally be great to be around and I thought 'oh I've cracked this parenting thing' 😂 how wrong I was! At least I am learning as I go along and will better prepared for the younger two if they go through this.