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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Would you leave 14 year old in hotel room

57 replies

Belledan1 · 26/07/2021 13:36

On holiday now with DS 14 at a hotel by the beach. Decides hates the beach this year! Will come out for food and arcades but being awkward. Think be happy staying in hotel room on wifi all day. Everything boring. Going to plan to go to a castle tom he used to.like them! Seriously considering not booking next year and wait until 16 and go on our own lol or just do short weekends away. Does not want to come to a 3 hour event tonight. Do you think be ok leaving in hotel room for 3 hours tonight. Secure place and he happy to be on own. Be back about 9.30.is happy stay at home on own.

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rookiemere · 26/07/2021 15:34

Oh goodness yes if you're sharing a room just leave him be for now. We always have separate rooms or at least DS is in the living room. Feel he needs his own space.

YukoandHiro · 26/07/2021 15:36

Give him some space. I'm an only child and remember the pain of family holidays in my mid teens. I was just desperate for some alone time or for someone cool to come along and rescue me from the olds!

By 19 I was asking to go away with my parents again. It does pass.

If you'd like him to come next year could you take a friend too? My parents did that one year and it made a huge difference.

Halfwaytoholiday · 26/07/2021 15:37

I think he'll be fine. I would go over the fire escape route though as he can't jump in a lift if it goes off! (A fire is unlikely but the alarms can go off from a sneaky smoker. I believe)

Staywithmemyblood · 26/07/2021 15:38

As long as he’s happy to be left, has decent WiFi and plenty of snacks, that sounds like your best option @Belledan1 👍🏻

14 is a very difficult age isn’t it 😬

Hang in there though, it does get better again 😊 When our DD was 14 (and an all round teenzilla!) we rented an apartment with lovely roof terrace and plenty of space and just chilled for the week as DD didn’t want to do anything, but also couldn’t be left on her own due to anxiety. It worked well at the time as we didn’t have any other expectations, but now she is 16 she’s wanting to plan our next holiday abroad (though it may not realistically be til 2023) and asks why we didn’t do any sightseeing etc last time we were away 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

Hope you have a lovely, guilt-free evening 😊💐

Holothane · 26/07/2021 15:40

I’d have been happier in the room with Wi-fi at that age, I hated holidays after 13, all the history stuff had been done it just beach or bars.

Carrott21 · 26/07/2021 15:43

I did this on a few teen holidays. I totally ended up bored and have no memory of these destinations as I didn't go anywhere. Plus sometimes when I did go out I'd make friends etc. So although he will be fine, I'd try and encourage him out. He can always bring a device or go back early.

gogohm · 26/07/2021 15:55

Yes, at 14 not an issue though I would leave sandwich, drinks and snacks, no going out

Livpool · 26/07/2021 15:56

I would without a second thought. When I was 14 I would have preferred that than going some there I didn't want to go xx

Kanaloa · 26/07/2021 15:57

Of course a 14 year old will be fine in a hotel room for 3 hours. I would hope so anyway.

Original poster

Belledan1 · 26/07/2021 16:01

Can you believe it he is saying may come now! Heard us talking going for food in pub he likes before the event. It's been raining a bit here so been stuck in room for couple hours so perhaps had enough. Yes does have phone. Will fill in later if comes or not. But I be happy leaving him ie all your advice if doesn't. Thanks

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Original poster

Belledan1 · 26/07/2021 16:03

We will obviously have got him a pizza or something if stays in.

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Original poster

Belledan1 · 26/07/2021 16:18

It is getting worse lol .DH thought we cld just walk in the event but got to prebook so we cant go as sold out. Going for a nicer meal now and DS will grace us with his presence!

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NoLongerWantHugoToWin · 26/07/2021 16:25

@Belledan1

You poor thing. I'm not sure I could cope with teens in a hotel.

You need to use a bit of reverse psychology here. Mention to your DH that as DH isn't coming to xyz you'll have a bit extra to spend on amazing puddings/Fanta/snacks.

If you survive this, next year go self catering and let him dwell in his own room while you go out for nice meals, or take a friend.

NeonDreams · 26/07/2021 16:37

He's 14 years old! He's old enough to stay at home alone by himself for one night. Let alone 3 hours. He is too old to be following mummy and daddy around! He should be off doing his own thing, or staying in on his own. I wrote a post on another thread (which I can't find, thread seemed have been deleted) along the lines of how regressive parenting is these days, and teenagers are treated like 5 year olds. How parents seem to drop their kids to school into high school, when I was walking to school alone or with my friends (only in the late mid to late 80s, so it's not like I'm 70 or something) at 8, and getting dinner started/preparing dinner at 13 years old. Also babysitting at night at that age, like most of us were. Now, you've got 14 year old girls and boys that need their mummy to walk them to school, and they can barely boil an egg! He is 14. Old enough to spend the night alone, old enough to leave the hotel on his own and do his own thing, let alone staying in a hotel room.

Unless there is a dripfeed coming that he has an intellectual disability or is ASD, then you're being unreasonable to think a 14 year old teenager can't spend 3 hours in a secure hotel room. He can be left overnight. You do your thing, and let him do his own thing. At 14, teenagers start to stop wanting to go on holidays with their parents, anyway.

Original poster

Belledan1 · 26/07/2021 17:45

Neondreams. He is not treated as a baby. At home he goes out with friends. Stays at home in house on own and before lockdown both me and hubby left him some hours the day we worked. He cooks for himself. It was just a light hearted post about an only teenage child on holiday driving me mad and bored really .

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NeedNewKnees · 26/07/2021 17:49

Thinking back, it would be pretty grim at 14 on holiday with the parentals, sharing a room, no privacy or mates.

Encourage him to take time to himself, it will make the times you are together much easier.

rookiemere · 26/07/2021 18:41

People are being a bit mean. I think because of the past 16 months it's been hard for teens to get appropriate independence gradually. Many families share hotel rooms even with teens.

Original poster

Belledan1 · 26/07/2021 18:56

Yes financially we have had to share a room but think its taught us this year that if we do go away next year get an apartment or caravan or 2 rooms.

In the end we went out for tea and having husband and son are playing crazy golf at the moment. We had a nice time. He forgot his phone which was good !

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Original poster

Belledan1 · 26/07/2021 19:58

Me and dh in hotel bar now chilling and he in his room so all happy

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LittleBearPad · 26/07/2021 20:01

Glad it worked out

If you are sharing then a bit of separate time is probably a good thing.

rookiemere · 26/07/2021 20:45

Meant to say as well that as a parent of an only, it's a totally different dynamic from having more than one. Most DPs I speak to say that even if their DCs don't really interact much at home, most will rub together on holiday because it's either that or hang out with their parents.

I think the trick is to either invite a friend or have a blend of activities so today DH and DS spent the afternoon mountain biking but tonight DS elected to have a takeaway rather than meal out with us. Tomorrow we're picking up his friend. It's fine but takes a lot of organisation and means we tend to leave ddog with the dog sitter as the things he likes - lots of country walks - are in direct opposition to what DS enjoys.
We'll mostly be leaving him at home for UK breaks as soon as he is 16.

spongedog · 26/07/2021 21:07

So you are out and there is a fire evacuation? (Real/test etc doesnt matter). Does your son know what to do in the event of an emergency? You would not be allowed back in to get him.

I have very occasionally (single parent) left my DC (one) for a time in a hotel room - by the time I has drilled them for emergencies and let reception know I am not sure the stress was worth it.

It is different to home where they might know neighbours, location, friends etc. I do wonder if everyone saying yes of course has ever actually done that.

When my DC was about 9 or 10 I had taken them to an Italian hotel for a few days. I had to keep moving the car - so we would go down for breakfast then I would RUN to the car, move it, rush to a cafe, grab a caffe, bolt it down, run back to the hotel to finish breakfast. Lovely breakfast but coffee was ghastly. As I ran out every morning I would say to Reception (in italian) - child in restaurant in case of fire. We were discussing this recently and my DC remembered this. I dont think they will understand the stress until they have DC themselves. And yes the coffee was essential.

NuffSaidSam · 26/07/2021 21:12

'So you are out and there is a fire evacuation? (Real/test etc doesnt matter). Does your son know what to do in the event of an emergency? You would not be allowed back in to get him'

Can't believe it took this long for this post!

GoldBar · 26/07/2021 21:22

My parents used to make sibling and I pick one trip each we wanted to go on when we were on holiday and the rest of the time we could chill out at the hotel. Might be worth asking him to choose one thing to do as a family.

spongedog · 26/07/2021 21:30

@NuffSaidSam

'So you are out and there is a fire evacuation? (Real/test etc doesnt matter). Does your son know what to do in the event of an emergency? You would not be allowed back in to get him'

Can't believe it took this long for this post!

Why are you disbelieving? When my DC was a baby and I was still with their father we used a hotel babysitting service - nice hotel chain - sadly no longer around. The babysitter arranged through the hotel had strict instructions from the hotel - and communicated to us - that they would grab the child and exit with other guests. We were told firmly that we would not be allowed back up to the room in the event of an evacuation.We were eating in the hotel.

A teenager without a babysitter is perhaps even more vulnerable. You are in that situation relying that a teenager hears the alarm, understands the alarm, acts on the alarm. Do you have teenagers? Sound blocking headphones block pretty much all sound.

So before you are so snarky think on. Things really have changed over the last few years.

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