Dd13 eating way too much.

[Jinnybean]

My dd was always a really slim child, and barely ate at all. But she’s gone the complete opposite now. She eats so much, and a lot of rubbish! When she goes out with her friends she buys chocolate etc. She’s put quite abit of weight on the last year and I’m really worried. Her face has completely changed.

Iv tried talking to her but she doesn’t see a problem.. I don’t know what to do :(

If it ever comes up, I'd talk about how it's healthy to eat a varied diet and to exercise. Apart from feeding her balanced meals at home and keeping access to sugary snacks to a minimum there isn't much more you could do about the food.

Maybe tell her that you're feeling a bit sluggish and want to start the C25K and ask her to join you?

Do she do any sports or activities outside of school?

Definitely keep the focus on eating a healthy balanced diet, and being healthy rather than her weight. Don't start issues.

Maybe a couple of car rides when you can talk to her about things other than food, see if there is anything else going on that she might be hiding in food. Any big changes coming up? Or major life events?

they see more than they listen...so I have just learned to try and be positive in my meal choices and consistent ...but if I do have a treat or larger meal that isn't that great nutritionally then balance it out. It is normal for teens to eat a little more ..they need a bit of fat to let their hunger hormone switch off as we all do ...but personally I've also been mindful not to recreate the cycle I had as a child of being told what a fat waste of space I was - that inner dialogue never leaves you ...also if you don't buy it they can't eat it..truth is that I do buy the snacks because I don't want a sterile environment so that they will binge in the future but hide the snacks so there is only really a reasonable amount for one day before a yoghurt becomes the only choice. I do also hide my choc from them !

in my experience with 4 I would suggest walking the walk is better than any talks I have had. They see and hear everything ..unless it is chores !

Similar here. Still learning so reading with interest but a high protein breakfast seems to help. Yoghurt seems popular.

Mine doesn’t eat enough at school so buys rubbish on way home. Have a meal ready when they come back helps.

I've had the same issue with my now 16yo daughter. She was pretty slim until highschool and then rapidly put in weight. Highschool lunch options are terrible so I put a bit of the blame on that but obviously with school being shut for much of the past
18 months It's not entirely that. Although I think she got into the habit of having a large lunch instead of the smaller primary school packed lunches she had.
It's so hard. I've tried talking to her about healthy eating, less sugar etc. I try and encourage her by eating less treats myself. I hate to admit to myself that I've used food as treats throughout her life. I can't change that nos but I definitely messed up there. As a teen I was convinced I was fat (I wasn't) and developed a bit of an eating disorder (occasional binge and purge situation although not full blown bulimia). She seems the opposite in that she thinks she is slimmer than she is and because of what I was like I don't want to talk about weight at all (and it's likely a bad idea anyway).
So sorry, no help here but much sympathy.

Same here. Mine was in a right mess during lockdown and comfort ate all the time. She’s 5ft 11 and was a size 10, now she’s a 16. I ve tried everything. Removing treats made little difference as she just ate endless toast and cereal.

I’ve tried talking to her, but she doesn’t care. I’m at my wits end.

Please don’t talk about her weight.

Children this age tend to go out before they go up. Perhaps try reading something like ‘Body Happy Kids’ by Mollie Forbes. And perhaps address why you think her putting on weight is such a problem - especially as she seems quite happy in her own body.

Girls go through growth spurts earlier though. Mine grew tall at 13. I’m not sure she’d going to grow anymore at 5ft 11!

Trying to restrict food will only lead to binges in my opinion. Any messages from parents that you shouldn’t eat certain foods is going to make them so much more desirable. I grew up in a house with no treats and so I’d eat them out of the house.

There is so much evidence to prove that people who diet actually can’t sustain their weight loss and that it leads to life long weight cycling which is a much poorer health outcome. Continue to model eating healthy meals and have a look at the intuitive eating model. Health can be measure far more successfully by fitness and mental well-being than weight. You only have to do a little bit of research into the BMI to realise it’s completely flawed and is related more to diet culture than health.

Same. I don't know whether its hormones, but I was like this too. It doesn't help that pre covid school's idea of appropriate breaktime snacks were giant cookies and a pizza trolley . My son can eat whatever he wants and is as thin as a rake, whereas my teen daughter watches every mouthful.
There is no point telling her she is gaining weight, it'll just make her feel worse. Just encourage healthy habits.

But if you do model healthy lifestyles and that doesn’t work what then?

My dd hates beige foods and processed foods, loves her veg and will only eat wholemeal bread. It’s the amount she eats that’s the problem

She’s probably being influenced by her friends. Just keep modelling a healthy food lifestyle and if she asks for help perhaps then talk about making better choices and incorporating some exercise.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow maybe she’s hungry? Why do you want her to be slimmer? For health or looks? How does she feel about it?

She doesn’t seem to care. Main reason for health, she gets really sweaty and uncomfortable when she’s hot. She’s allergic to her own sweat so has to take antihistamines for it. She won’t really wear the right clothes for hot weather as shrs very self conscious.

She horse rides twice a week but even that Iv had to order new jodphurs and boots because they don’t fit! I have Lipoedema and I can see she has it to so it’s so important she doesn’t put weight on fast.

She has abit of a coffee addiction but like the frappes from Starbucks that have a huge amount of calories.

It doesn’t help that her dad sees there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her and will buy her these things.

Her skin has became awful lately because of it aswell :(

13 yo do grow quickly, and often have problems with their skin. It's not necessarily down to food.

Is she really over weight or just filling out into more of a women's shape?

If she horse rides twice a week,is that at a riding school? They have weight limits for animal welfare reasons. Is there a way that you could start the conversation around that?
My girls don't care about looks or what other people think,but they'd be devastated if they thought that they were putting their animals welfare at risk. Good luck.

Agree that the skin is unlikely to be diet, just the huge hormone shifts that she's going through. If it's acne, have you asked the GP for help?

Might be worth having a chat about emotional eating? You could chat about how you struggle to not comfort/boredom eat?

She weighs about 11 and half stone and 5ft4/5. I definitely think she’s got more of a woman shape lately.

Well there you go then. She’s a teenager whose body has developed from that of a child’s to that of a young woman. Of course her jods aren’t going to fit her.
FYI acne is caused by a hormones not what you put into your month

But that weight is overweight for her height, especially at that age. You’re right to be concerned, OP.

@4PawsGood who says it is overweight? The BMI model of weight is seriously flawed. You can research it’s origins to see this. If she is 5ft4in she could have lots more upwards growing to even things out.

In terms of health there is a growing number of health professionals who follow a HAES (Health at size) approach. Dr Joshua Wooldrich has written an excellent book called Food isn’t medicine.

• HAES - health at every size