Chores!

[whyMrsRobinson]

What should I be asking a boy 13 and a girl 16 to be doing?
That’s it really.
I think the next question is how do I get them to do it?
I find with everything the amount of nagging and effort is exhausting .
It seems to be up to me to remember , plan, If they’re bored I’m somehow responsible etc etc et c. just exhausted with being a mum.

I'd love to know as well. Just had massive row with DD17 as apparently asking her to clear up her mess in the kitchen is "always going on at her and I need to show her some respect" 😂

😂am so with you! I just got looked at with disdain while dd scrolls on her phone. When can I resign?

Following 😬

Unfortunately I don’t have any magic solution for this @whyMrsRobinson but interestingly DD (16) turned into Mrs Hinch recently when DH and I had covid and did all the housework (unasked) for over a week, until she came down with it too. She’s usually a right lazy wee besom, so we were very pleasantly surprised.

If catching a highly infectious disease and going into enforced isolation doesn’t appeal to you, maybe you can content yourself by planning all the mess you’ll leave whilst visiting their houses when they’re grown and flown. This is DH’s strategy for surviving the remaining teenage years 😂

Staywithmmyblood ( groovy name, yet somehow..chilling!) To your Dh, 😂😂thats genius! And well done your DD. Cleaning till the end, that’s very French novel poetic.
Welcome Teamburnett43 all empathy for you.
If there’s any teens out there, maybe you can help?

Unloading the dishwasher, putting laundry away, hoovering, changing their beds, could make dinner in a certain night of the week

My DS is older now (uni-aged) but since he was about 15 he has had to take the bins out (and put new bin bags in etc). Also take out and empty the compost bucket. He also has to empty the dishwasher, along with DD.

I think it works well where they just have a couple of things to do but they really have to do them, rather than an unspecified “helping out”. DS will actually proactively empty the bins now at a time that suits him rather than eg having to get up early on bin morning.

Dunno how I made him do it - i think it is easier when it is just one thing. When the bin is full its hard to argue it doesn’t need emptying. I expect both dc to empty the dishwasher so there is much more moaning about who did it last, whose turn it is etc.

Can you link it with money? My DC's are a couple of years younger but also feel entitled to create mess everywhere they go and the maid (me) cleans up behind them. My older DC however regularly asks for small money transfers when out with friends (enough to buy a drink or packet of sweets etc), I oblige because when he is asked to do small tasks at home (take out rubbish, wash the dog etc) he will most often do them without too much moaning. We tried formal arrangements with specific pocket money in return for set tasks but it didn't work for him.

Younger DC while absolutely bone idle on a day to day basis is quite good at tidying and arranging. We have a large walk in pantry and we came to an agreement they could have a special fashion item of clothing if they cleaned and reorganised top to bottom. It was a big job and was completed over a couple of days but I was very happy with the end result and they received their reward.

I've come to realise my DC's respond best to requests to do specific jobs they're better at or prefer ie choose your battles. I'm still following for ideas as we have plenty of room for improvement.

😂@whyMrsRobinson what DH is looking forward to the most is fake tanning his ass then sitting on her nice white toilet seat! 🙈😉

Joking aside, we used to have set chores for DD like emptying the dishwasher and putting out the recycling but got sick of them not being done and the constant cycle of nagging, removal of privileges etc.

DD is too much like me with her approach to chores unfortunately - she’ll do things thoroughly, but very sporadically. So now we leave her to it. She’s responsible for any ironing she wants done (I hate ironing), cleaning/tidying her bedroom and also the upstairs bathroom (DH and I mostly use the en-suite anyway) - but obviously the toilet seat is a fail! 🤦🏼‍♀️ As an aside, I’ve found Vanish Oxy Action removes the tan stains 😅

Anything else is a bonus - she’ll intermittently tidy, hoover other areas when the mood takes her.

I’ve noticed that the more lazy I am, the more she does, so that could also be a plan! 😉

PS- my username is from the Twenty One Pilots song, My Blood - it’s about being there for your family, so it’s quite sweet really 😊

Good luck with the chore distribution. Hope you find something that works for your household🍀💐

Pretty much any I would say but then I’m struggling to get my 15 yr old son to help out with any chores at all.

Same strategy as Staywithmemyblood

I got sick of all the nagging and the stress.

This could be the wrong thing to do btw but I had tried my best and decided we need to change things up a bit. So we are not forcing her to do collective housework tasks, although she does do some voluntarily now and again, but as a counterweight to that, I am doing less washing, ironing, shopping, cooking, ensuite cleaning and chauffeuring for her. (I am doing some btw, I haven't totally abandoned her to her own devices, but I am doing much less than I did.)

@ stripey fake tanning loo seat!

What should I be asking a boy 13 and a girl 16 to be doing?

Pretty much exactly the same as Muchtoo said

Unloading the dishwasher, putting laundry away, hoovering, changing their beds, could make dinner in a certain night of the week

As to 'how?' - Have they not always done things ? As it's a LOT easier to carry on with things that are automatic, than to introduce as a new 'job' when they are teens.

What I do is leave a small list and say I want it done before 5 day. The list will be easy so empty dish washer , take out bins out away clothes . Or hoover stairs , feed cat. I say I’ve left the note and get the usual moans but it does get done and I expect it to be done . I will just say the list is there I expect it for by 5 and walk away. Seems to work.

I should note that it’s not every single day but say 2 or 3 times a week especially during the summer holidays . Didn’t get them to do much while
Studying etc

There’s some great tips here! Am bookmarking because I can’t even get mine to learn to cook. I’m so over being a mum feel like Shirley Valentine.

Mine don’t do chores as the aggro just isn’t worth it.
If I do it myself. it gets done on time and properly.
No need for anyone to have a go at what a terrible parent I am, I’m not interested in anyone else’s opinion.

DS13 is responsible for emptying the bins, putting them out on the road on collection day, and emptying the dishwasher. They're his dedicated tasks but I still have to nag/remind. In return he gets £40 per month.

I expect him to help out with random other tasks but very little tbh and rarely cleaning jobs. Obviously they both clear up after themselves, put things in the dishwasher, put clothes in the washing basket etc. I don't clean up after them.

Staywithmemyblood I like your dh believe revenge is a dish best served cold. I tell mine that when I visit their homes I will go around turning all the lights on, eat some crisps and scrunch the packet up and stuff it down the side of the sofa while taking my socks off and throwing them on the floor. I will then ask what I can eat making sure I distribute breadcrumbs over everything. They look at me horrified!

Some great ideas there @Cattitudes 👍🏻 Don’t forget to leave a few soaking wet towels on the bathroom floor too! 😉

I have children younger than yours 9 and 12 and they are already doing chores and have done so for the past few years. They both already know how to sort the laundry and load the machine. Every day, they make their beds, open their curtains and blinds. They look after our pets. Every Saturday, they tidy up their rooms, dust all their furniture. They also do washing up and the older one vacuums and bring the bins back down the drive.
Hoping that by starting them early, it is just normal to them when we hit the teenage years.

Hopefully yours will continue with the good routine @Primrosefields but teenagers are unpredictable creatures so don’t be disheartened if it all goes tits up in the next few years. You’ll find plenty of parents in the same situation 💐

You’ve taught them well, as I did with my DD, so you know they’ll grow up to be independent 😅 but if they stop being so compliant in their teenage years it’s up to you how you tackle it. Pick your battles as it were. Chores may be a non-negotiable issue for you, or other areas may take precedence. For example, my DD struggles with anxiety and school attendance so my energy is directed towards supporting her with that, rather than nagging her to put the bins out 🤷🏼‍♀️

Anyway, fingers crossed your DC don’t turn into Kevin & Perry, but forewarned is forearmed and all that - good luck 🍀

Thank you. Fingers crossed they carry on with it as they get to the teenage years. They are luckily not that messy at the minute. Food is only allowed at the table or in the kitchen and they haven't tried taking it anywhere else in the house. Guess we will soon find out.

Ah yes, at that age ours only ate at the table and we’re home at some point on Saturdays to sort their rooms.
Now ‘hobbies’ have ramped up to a somewhat more serious level weekends are spent all over the country at competitions!
Basics such as dirty clothes in the laundry basket, hanging wet towels and putting used glasses in the dishwasher are pretty well engrained now.

You need to have started them young and then you can build up what they are expected to do. No one earns money for chores in this house. I know some will say it isn't worth the aggro to make them do chores but all that teaches them is argue enough and you will get your way. I think sitting them down and talking to them about responsibility and not arguing back. I am assuming that they are not arguing back with teachers in school otherwise there would be consequences. Ask them what they think their consequences should be for not doing chores. List all the things you do, mine included cleaning the crud from the dishwasher trap which they were horrified over

Mine are 18 and 15 but for basics from secondary school age, unpack a dishwasher, they take turns on set days and I do a Friday. Each child is scheduled to unload a weekend load. They have always set the table and helped to clear it but the deal is that no one sits down until everything is either in the dishwasher, hand washed, table wiped and dried, same with worktops. Then people can leave the kitchen.

They have always put their laundry into baskets, on a set day they strip their beds and the last child to put their duvet cover in puts the machine on. I dry it (they are usually at school) then I wash their bathroom towels. I heap it all clean and dry on the landing and they put it back onto their beds and towels are colour coded so we know who it belongs to, they are folded and back on the towel rail in the bathroom.

They each empty a bin twice a week, once on bin day so their bin goes kerbside. Ds1 does recycling, Ds2 does the kitchen bin. Set days again, not when the bin is overflowing.

They also cook together for the family with Ds1 leading and Ds2 still learning. Ds2's role is called sous chef. Shoes are put away as are coats, everything has a place. Both of them are expected to unload all shopping (supermarket and Costco) and put them away, with us doing it too.

I think partly this is because I am disabled so they have seen days where I can barely function and so could take over completely at a young age when it was school holidays and Dh is working. Children are very capable, completely not right but children in other countries hold down jobs. I think sometimes we expect too little from them regarding tidy rooms and chores.