Found an empty box of dd's emergency contraceptive pill

[CovidCorvid]

dd has just turned 20, so not a teen and yes she's an adult. But she's living at home, no boyfriend that I'm aware of and have found an empty box in her car when I went to move it for her. She's out and doesn't know I've found it.

I'm veering between thinking she's an adult and it's none of my business and thinking that if she ends up pregnant/having a baby it is my business! I really don't think I'd be prepared to have her living here with a baby...we don't have the space. I'm also concerned about STDs if she's having unprotected sex?

Do I say something? She refuses to go on the pill. She has really heavy periods and the dr put her on the pill when she was about 14yo and she says it made her feel sick and fat. So she won't take it anymore. I'm not bothered about her having sex but she needs to be taking more precautions! She will go crackers if I say anything.

@strawberrymilkshakeisdelicious

Also... she could have taken a friend to the chemist? I know I went with friends once or twice at that age.

That's a good point

You’re telling me that the empty box was just sat there on the car seat? Or did you have a rummage around her car?
This is none of your business whatsoever. If she wanted to talk about it with you she would have.

You’re telling me that the empty box was just sat there on the car seat? Or did you have a rummage around her car?

I emptied a fair bit of crap out of her car so it could go to the garage. DH then totally emptied the car so we could scrap it. So yes, we did between us have a "rummage" around the car!

I understand your concerns as even though she’s an adult she’s still your ‘child’ but I’d advise against trying to get her to take the pill
I can’t tell you how much the pill affected me all the years I took it. I started taking it from around 15/16 due to heavy periods and after years of anxiety and extreme mood swings, I made the decision a couple of years ago (whilst in a stable long term relationship) to come off the pill to see how I felt (I’m now 27)
I couldn’t believe the fog that lifted and realised how badly the pill was affecting me. My anxiety decreased massively and my moods were completely under control.

I think the contraceptive pill is pushed onto young girls far too easily in my opinion and other areas of contraception should be explored which it does seem that your daughter is going to be fair

@wizzywig

Jeez, do all of not give a shit about the sexual health of your kids? I'd be worried that she is using terminations and morning after pills as regular contraception. Why can't her partner use a condom

Because we all just love having our monthly termination or pregnancy scare 🙄

I'm not sure why people are giving you such a hard time.

You are right to keep your mouth shut. It won't do any good, it will just annoy her. She has already said she doesn't want to take the pill. As pp have said, there are other methods. She must be aware of them.

I have a similar age dd. I came across her lube recently and I wish I hadn't. All we can do as parents is be available to talk if they want, otherwise MYOB.

How long is she planning to live at home?

Your DD sounds irresponsible if she has had that many pregnancy scares and terminations. Could she have the implant instead? She doesn’t have to remember to take a pill then, or use a condom.

If this was my DD I would probably let her know I had seen it. And ask if everything is ok. It's not really my business with an adult DD, and I would not criticise, but we are close enough to talk about these things.

@PinkG0ld

Your DD sounds irresponsible if she has had that many pregnancy scares and terminations. Could she have the implant instead? She doesn’t have to remember to take a pill then, or use a condom.

She's had one termination. And possibly taken a morning after pill. I'm not sure why you think this has happened multiple times?

@CovidCorvid

You’re telling me that the empty box was just sat there on the car seat? Or did you have a rummage around her car?

I emptied a fair bit of crap out of her car so it could go to the garage. DH then totally emptied the car so we could scrap it. So yes, we did between us have a "rummage" around the car!

She asked you to move her car in your OP.

@KurtWilde OP said her DD has had more pregnancy scares than she ever has. I assumed this wasn’t the first morning after pill. Nevertheless, I don’t think OP should force her Dd on the pill. I hated them.

Maybe her Dd could try different brands, or the mini pill. Or maybe other contraceptive methods.

@PinkG0ld perhaps OP never had any so even one scare would be more wouldn't it.

Either way it's none of her business how her adult daughter conducts her life.

She asked you to move her car in your OP.

I’m really not sure what it is with the 20 questions.

She did ask me to move the car. She’d set off for work it broke down 20 yards from home, went into limp mode. Dh then took her to work. It was now on the road in a 20 min spot. She was worried about getting a ticket and asked me to sort it. I decided to get it back on the drive, I then took it to the village garage we then scrapped it. We then bought her a new car. All perfectly true, all in the same day.

Meh...she's an adult...she can sort out her own contraception and if she gets pregnant she can make her own decision either way

I do think you're having a hard time OP. Given she knows you cleared out the car, it wouldn't be so hard to say you saw the box, and invite a conversation about contraception. Yes she's an adult, but she's still your daughter. I'm 41 and my Mum gives me advice. Don't go in with your own views on what she should be taking, but rather 'there's lots of options why don't you make an appointment at the clinic'.
That said - her point blank refusal in the past might mean you don't have the right sort of relationship at the moment. In which case I'd ditch this contentious topic, and work on building that link instead.

My first concern is who the young man is who refuses to use condoms.