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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Found an empty box of dd's emergency contraceptive pill

67 replies

CovidCorvid · 18/06/2021 17:12

dd has just turned 20, so not a teen and yes she's an adult. But she's living at home, no boyfriend that I'm aware of and have found an empty box in her car when I went to move it for her. She's out and doesn't know I've found it.

I'm veering between thinking she's an adult and it's none of my business and thinking that if she ends up pregnant/having a baby it is my business! I really don't think I'd be prepared to have her living here with a baby...we don't have the space. I'm also concerned about STDs if she's having unprotected sex?

Do I say something? She refuses to go on the pill. She has really heavy periods and the dr put her on the pill when she was about 14yo and she says it made her feel sick and fat. So she won't take it anymore. I'm not bothered about her having sex but she needs to be taking more precautions! She will go crackers if I say anything.

OP posts:

KurtWilde · 18/06/2021 17:35

I also refuse to take the pill, makes me feel awful. Your DD is dealing with her life, her sexual relationships, and her body her OWN way. Unless she comes to you for advice then it really is none of your business.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 18/06/2021 17:37

She's 20, it's her business.

17june2021 · 18/06/2021 17:37

I think it’s clear that she doesn’t want to get pregnant, so I wouldn’t worry about that.

I’m pretty sure the medical practitioners she saw at her termination and MAP prescription would have informed her about contraception and the risk of STIs.

I’m confident that her experience with the pill is colouring her opinion of contraception. I felt the same way at her age, and even being a couple of years older than her now I still feel the same. Both nausea and weight gain are side effects of the pill, so it’s impossible to know for sure what exactly caused her issues 6 years ago. There’s other options she can try like a different pill, the implant, the injection etc but she’s likely still worried about side effects

If she doesn’t have a regular sexual partner, I can understand why she doesn’t want to regularly take contraception and suffer side effects if she rarely has sex. I stopped taking the pill when I split up with my bf at her age. I switched to the depo injection which works well for me - low maintenance and little side effects

LittleBirdBlu · 18/06/2021 17:40

Really what your 20 daughter has done is actually none of your business.
Her termination last year - nothing to do with what she is doing now.

Say nothing, do nothing. If she wants to discuss it with you she will.

Original poster

CovidCorvid · 18/06/2021 17:43

Thanks everyone, I'm saying nothing

OP posts:

Emmelina · 18/06/2021 17:54

She’s an adult, and dealt with it. I would be proud she’s not ready!

purplecorkheart · 18/06/2021 17:57

none of your business. Surely moving a car does not involve looking around the passenger seat etc. I am guessing if she is living at home her car is her private space. If you need to breach it to move her car. Just move the car.

Original poster

CovidCorvid · 18/06/2021 18:02

@purplecorkheart

I wouldn’t normally take any notice of what’s in the car but I was moving it to the garage after it broke down and was clearing some of the mountain of shit so it seemed a better working environment for the mechanic! I’d assumed it was all sweet wrappers, etc. I saw the box and dd had previously asked me to look up the side effects of her acne meds. I made a manual note of the medication name assuming it was her acne meds and was a bit surprised at the results!

OP posts:

SionnachRua · 18/06/2021 18:05

So she's managing her own sex life and reproductive choices? Good for her. If she's used emergency contraception and had a termination then it doesn't sound like she'll be bringing home a baby any time soon, so no worries for you on that front.

orphananniesmum · 18/06/2021 18:10

MYOB

She's taken the morning after pill which is a precaution

Don't interfere

GoWalkabout · 18/06/2021 18:11

Emergency contraception isn't only needed after consensual unprotected sex. Tread carefully.

purplecorkheart · 18/06/2021 18:13

It wasn't your place to make a mental note. It was none of your business if it was for acne or an in grown toenail.

orphananniesmum · 18/06/2021 18:13

saw the box and dd had previously asked me to look up the side effects of her acne meds. I made a manual note of the medication name assuming it was her acne meds and was a bit surprised at the results!

Of course you did 🙄

DGFB · 18/06/2021 18:15

She’s 20, none of your business

Helenluvsrob · 18/06/2021 18:16

I agree with you. Never mention this but have a chat.
“ I read on the internet about ….. “mumsnet person said “ are effective openers …. I dunno that you can get free condoms from …. Or something bland

Godmothered · 18/06/2021 18:48

@Helenluvsrob

I agree with you. Never mention this but have a chat. “ I read on the internet about ….. “mumsnet person said “ are effective openers …. I dunno that you can get free condoms from …. Or something bland

Oh god please do not do this! She's a 20 year old woman, clearly quite capable of deciding what contraception to use or not use, without her mother interfering!

PurpleMustang · 18/06/2021 18:52

You really can't say anything but she should find something that does work for her. There are more options than just the pill.

Original poster

CovidCorvid · 18/06/2021 19:15

@orphananniesmum

Of course you did 🙄

What benefit did you get out of that post? From being a sneery disbeliever?

Not that I have to justify myself to you and not that I particularly care what you think but it's the truth. If you have nothing useful to say please don't bother.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 18/06/2021 19:47

@CovidCorvid

It's a box which had one tablet in.

She also had a termination last year which she told me about after.

There's probably a reason she doesn't share with you.

You need to put the box back where you found it and butt out OP.

Original poster

CovidCorvid · 18/06/2021 19:48

Can't put the box back, we've scrapped the car!

OP posts:

Original poster

CovidCorvid · 18/06/2021 19:50

And technically it's my car which I let her drive. She knows we emptied the car (she was at work so couldn't do it).

OP posts:

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 18/06/2021 19:54

At that age I was petrified of getting pregnant. I took emergency contraception a few times, even after missing a couple of pills.

strawberrymilkshakeisdelicious · 18/06/2021 19:54

Was there a date on the box anywhere? She might have taken it last year but it failed. A lot of people don't realise that if you've already ovulated, the morning after pill won't work. It'll fail. If it had failed, she might have then needed the abortion.

MaBroon21 · 18/06/2021 19:54

Jeez, do all of not give a shit about the sexual health of your kids? I'd be worried that she is using terminations and morning after pills as regular contraception. Why can't her partner use a condom

This would be my worry.

strawberrymilkshakeisdelicious · 18/06/2021 19:55

Also... she could have taken a friend to the chemist? I know I went with friends once or twice at that age.

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