Disrespectful teenager

[jade0881]

Hi all,
So although my daughter is 12 is 13 in sept. I recently found out I was pregnant and told my eldest daughter just because I would need to her to help out around the house and with younger sister whilst my partner is working. Normally our relationship is what a mother should have with her children.

However I've noticed that she has become more and more disrespectful and secretive since she has started year 7.. Today for an example i walked past her bedroom and she hid something ran straight past me into the garden(shared garden with my lovely neighbours) and hid something in the garden down my neighbours side. I told her numerous times to go and get it and she refused. I don't want to stress myself out because I'm in my early stages of pregnancy.

My partner don't get home till late so I can't get him to deal with her.

All till now the child hasn't got what she hid... I'm actually getting sick of her ways. Sometimes I feel like crying, sometimes I feel like punishing her.. I have all these emotions..

What do I do? I actually feel like taking her to the doctors and getting them to sort her out because my stress levels with her is out of this world.

Any advice please

Huh? just parent her. You don't need a doctor

She likely wants attention for whatever she hid in the garden - so give her attention.

@LaurieFairyCake

As a matter of fact I give my children all the attention they need. So for you to say that is quite disrespectful. Every evening we sit down have our dinner we talk about school. How things are going in life if anything is happening.

With my eldest daughter every weekend we go out and spend time together, we sit down and having our motherly and daughter talks.

I asked for advice. Not to be told to give my child attention!

Is your partner her father ?

Lol

Literally attention is what she's asking for as she HID SOMETHING IN THE GARDEN SO YOU SAW

Why do you think she needs a doctor?

With respect, that IS advice, and good advice. You're pregnant and have told your DD that you need more help from her - that's fine, but she will have feelings about a new baby and her own role in the family changing, and she's at a difficult age (for her as well as for you!). So she's attention-seeking - the previous poster is pointing out that she probably does need more positive attention from you at this point.

If you want to know what she hid in the garden, go down there and find out?! I would want to know too - it could be anything or nothing. Stop playing mind games with her and just tackle the issue head on.

Why can’t you go and see what she hid in the garden?

Why do you need your DP to deal with her, you're there?

I don’t think there are any teenagers that are not disrespectful at times. It’s like terrible twos, part of the adolescent phase.

Anyway, I agree with other posters, give your daughter attention that doesn’t revolve around what she can do for you and your new baby. Also, I would advise giving her some privacy. Her bedroom should be a private space at this point. Of course, if you later suspect drug use then yes, you have a look round. But in general, unless you have reason to suspect you give her some privacy.

What? This is horrible, why would she need to see a doctor? Listen to yourself.

Also op it’s not her job to help more round the house and to care for her sister, you’re thr oarent, you’re having the parents, it’s your job to look after all your kids.

You’re having the kids, sorry.

You think me your DD because she will have to help you when the baby is born? That's bloody horrible. Your poor DD. She should not be used as free child care. If you can't parent the children you have - you say you want the doctors and or your partner to sort her out because you can't - don't have any more. Quite honestly you sound off the rails and I expect your DD will need years of therapy to work through having you as a mother. My god.

*you think that your DD

Offs - you TOLD Your DD...

What do you think she may have hid? Unless you genuinely think it might be something harmful, does it matter?

Ignore her behaviour and give some to the other kids. She's not your friend who can empathise with your new baby...what was she looks with your last pregnancy? Maybe she thinks Oh No not again mum!

Firstly, you said that because you're pregnant your 12yo would have to help round the house and help with her sister. Sorry but you decided to have a baby, not her. She should help as much as 12yos usually help.

If she's hidden something in the garden I'd be going to find it, not posting on Mumsnet. She needs your attention.

Walk into the garden. Have a look. Take it from there.

She’s your oldest child. You’ve just told her you’re pregnant. She’s also at that age where she’s discovering new friends and learning who she is as a person. She’s growing up and the teenage years are so so tough.
She’s going to need you in a different way than before but still just as much.
You’re going to have to learn to pick your battles, and to respect her privacy and trust her to make good decisions.
As pp have said, she does not need a dr, nor does she need your partner to sort her out.

I honestly don't think walking to the garden and seeing what she hid classes as too much stress when pregnant.

You're probably stressing more with the not knowing.

Teens do push boundaries and some find teenagedom hard and need extra love and support. I imagine being told she'll have to start being an adult around the house and to her younger sibling has made her feel pushed out.

She's still young. She still needs her mum not to feel she has to be equal to mum.

Just remind her that with freedom comes responsibility so if she wants some freedoms to go out and about at her age she needs to be honest with you so you can trust her.

I'm afraid I think you sound like you're woefully lacking the inner resources to have this child. Need help from your adolescent daughter looking after a baby you chose to have? Can't venture into the garden to try and find this thing that 'all till now the child hasn't got what she hid' ? Waiting for your husband to come and sort it out or, failing that, hoping a GP will?
Seriously - grow up.

Just apologise to her and explain you’re the one with the issues. Your op is disturbing. Being a parent is for life. At twelve they don’t start parenting your other kids because you can’t.

If you need help to parent then seek it from other quarters. Not your daughter like this.

What's stopping you looking In the garden??

Very strange op.
Your 12 year old will have to step up and deal with her siblings because you're pregnant again??
The poor kid...

Im sorry, she’s hid something? So go find out what she’s hidden? You don’t need your gp or dp.
Agree it sounds like she does want your attention, poor thing sounds upset and confused ( at 12 being told she’s got a new sibling and now needs to help with the younger one no wonder).
You and your dp need too talk.